Feel like I've hit rock bottom!

[Cat247]

I've tried so hard to stay positive recently and focus on getting to my next op to clear up my endo but feel like I can't hide behind that mask anymore. It's not even so much the pain today I just feel so alone, been off work since end of jan and feel like people just don't bother with me anymore. Someone who I thought was a close friend made a really sarky comment yesterday on my Facebook status, she also didn't reply to a text asking if she fancied a catch up soon, and I feel like a couple other status's recently from others have been aimed at me so I have deactivated my Facebook account this morning as just don't need it. It doesn't help that my 4 year old has been having huge tantrums again recently which he used to do all the time but it calmed when he started school. He got up at 5:15 this morning and decided to tantrum ( he hits kicks and punchs too) which is not great when you are in pain. My op was supposed to be mid April but now they are saying it's more likely to be May. I just feel so depressed at the minute and feel like I have a huge ball of anxiety just sat in my chest. Can't stop crying today which doesn't help, I really wish my best friend was still here but she passed away 3 years ago I know she would understand. I'm sure I will pick myself up again and I may even be feeling like this because of the injections that have me in the temporary menopause but really do feel like I've hit rock bottom now sorry to be so depressing don't really have anyone to speak too that would understand.xx

[angelacov]

So sorry to hear you feel so low. I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to put into words how you feel. People don't seem to understand what we have to go through. Try and ignore comments on fb. They can be taken in the wrong way, and it's not worth the upset. Try and use all your energy and emotion on getting your head into a better place. I know it sounds a bit hippyish, but, go for a walk. Get outside. Be selfish. Do what makes YOU happy. No-one can get inside your head, you have to be strong and use your emotion to stay on top of things. But. It is ok to ask for help. It is ok to say, I feel like crap. It is ok to have a bad day. Just try and make the next one more positive.

I'm not preaching. Actually, I'm saying this to myself as much as you. If only there was a magic pill to make us better. X

[Cat247 in reply to angelacov]

Thank you I really appreciate your kind words. Don't worry you're not preaching, I gave someone very similar advice on here last week but can't seem to give myself the same! I will do that and take a little walk later. It's so hard feeling this down, I haven't had a day like this for a while. I know I'd be there for my friends if they were going through this so just find it do upsetting some of them seem to be able to ditch me so easily.xx

[Smudger_79 in reply to Cat247]

awww big hugs hun. Some days are hard and good old facebook!! it's the cause of so many fall outs and sarcasm is rife for keyboard warriors!! Take no notice hun, if they are directed at you well my advice is...these people are not TRUE friends and you dont need them. The thing is with our problems makes you feel isolated etc and that in itself can breed paranoia..been there many times. Now i am way stronger and anybody who has a dig etc...is not part of my circle cos they just aint worthy haha. Surround yourself with positive people and as said above...do what makes YOU and yours happy. It's ok and very understandable to have these phases of low times but hang in there hun...better times will come. sending hugs your way xxx

[Cat247 in reply to Smudger_79]

Thank you, I completely agree with everything you have said. It's so nice to have the support on here. Going to allow myself to cry it all out today and then give myself a kick up the ass tomorrow.xx

[Smudger_79 in reply to Cat247]

dont forget the chocolate!!! good cry, big bar of choccy, bit more cry...then come back tomoz fighting!! say ta-ta to anybody who isn't anything but supportive....you have to be in a circle of positivity not let people bring you down, as its hard enough living with this horrible thing without living with horrible people to make you feel worse. I learnt this the hard way, now i am very selective! haha. Hope you feel brighter soon hun xxx

[Cat247 in reply to Smudger_79]

Thanks again, yeah I have shopping being delivered this morning and luckily there is a bar of chocolate in it!!! I will definately not bother with so called friends, it's funny though as one I helped through a relationship breakdown and the other I've been really close with and even helped throw her a baby shower. Be interesting to see how they would be if they ever got so poorly. I feel better for deactivating my Facebook account as that was definately making me paranoid.xx

[Smudger_79 in reply to Cat247]

oh i had this also hun. One of my best friends (well i thought she was)..she was my rock thru IVF, there every step of the way and all thru my pregnancy. We were so close, made her godmother. I helped her in past thru a terrible depression even tho i was struggling on my treatment road at the time...i developed PND (to my horror as i had my miracle..but if you have IVF you are high risk of developing it) and she was nowhere to be seen! Backed away from me, pushed me away and left me to struggle. We are now strangers. You learn who is your true friends hun xx

[Cat247 in reply to Smudger_79]

You poor thing. I just don't understand people like that. I guess everything happens for a reason and we are not supposed to have these people in our lives. My mum calls them fair weather friends!xx

[Smudger_79 in reply to Cat247]

defo your mum is so right! i helped her thru some really tough times, then in my darkest hour off she went. well now i am over it i think her loss..i now surround myself with solid people who are there for me...tho this has took some getting to over the years. x

[Charliechocolate]

Ah I'm so sorry to hear this. It's probably hormonal too. We don't need friends like that in our lives - waste of energy. I always say "tomorrow is another day!"

I'm thinking about you and sending lots of positive vibes over to you!! xxxxxx

[Cat247 in reply to Charliechocolate]

Thank you.xx

[hannahpoppy46]

I hardly ever go on Facebook myself anymore either. I just find many of my friends don't understand my illness, think it's normal period pain etc! So I have given up, I don't find my friends are supportive really. My mum is probably the best support I get. Hope you feel better soon, I always watch one of my favourite films or some really rubbish reality tv shows to cheer me up! xxxx

[Cat247 in reply to hannahpoppy46]

Thanks for your message. I love a trashy film, will watch one today I think. It's funny isn't it all the wonderful support we get on here from people we don't know and it's the ones that are closest to us are nowhere to be seen!xx

[hannahpoppy46]

Yeah that's what I normally do or something like desperate housewives to take my mind off of things.

Haha tell me about it, something quite ironic about that! xxxx

[Cat247 in reply to hannahpoppy46]

Love desperate housewives! I'm actually addicted to real housewives of New Jersey! Haha. Takes me away from my life for a bit.xx

[Cat247]

Thanks yellow rose that's a good idea about blocking as I have some foreign friends I want to stay in touch with. Think I'll take some time out from Facebook for a bit and do that when I go back to it. I just feel drained and down all I want is a bit of sympathy or someone to talk too. I was noticing that they hadn't asked me how I was for some time now and now not even replying to me. I give up! Only thing is I work with one and will be working with the another later in the year. There's a couple others I don't work with so I suppose easier to detach from. Wish I could just move away really can't believe you went through that with your friend when going to your dad's grave! That is just disgraceful. Sending hugs.xx

[Cat247]

How insensitive!! God it makes me so angry. Thinking back now it's been me that's kept the contact for a while with one of my so called friends. She didn't message me when I had my lap done in November & when I text after she said she'd forgotten even though I told her the night before! My sis in law is just as selfish, not once has she ever asked how I am and if I ever mention anything she's like 'oh well you'll be better soon'. It's like my husband says these people will never truly understand, they don't see me on the days where I can't get out of bed and need oromorph for the pain! I'm just going to keep myself to myself and treasure the couple of friends that do care.xx

[Smudger_79]

i know..took me a long time to get over this friend as we were so very close, worked together every day..best of friends. All one sided in the end and it hurt me terribly...but her reason was i had changed after i had my daughter...erm..yes i did cos i was in a very deep PND, i lost myself for a while, but did she support that? NOPE! She thought of herself and pushed ME away. I am now much stronger and wiser so i guess i have her to thank haha x