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gbs 2

this is going to be painful but here goes......apart from a naso gastric tube,a catheter I was fitted with a "tracky".having one of these causes a ton of problems.about every 20 minutes you need to be suctioned,more so if you have a chest infection.i would add that your own body is trying to expel the tracky! a tracky has two internal bladders which when inflated keep it in place and also stops anything going down your throat,if it is not inflated properly then it causes massive problems with your sinuses. A lot of nurses do not understand trackys....fact!a lot do ,thank goodness the nurse who cared for me on a night time was one who knew all about them and the first thing she would do would be to check that it was correctly inflated.she wold always start by saying....what on earth have they being doing to you? I was obviously distressed and upset,not being able to convey my feelings and thoughts.in the early days when my eyes were closed they had written y and n on my feet,which I could move fractionally. They would ask me a question and I would try to respond with a slight foot movement.so far so good ....except they would wash these marks off my feet everyday,the savvy nurses would rewrite the marks,others forgot or worse still put the y and n on different feet! I should have had oral care,sadly no,so when my mouth went crazy...I was biting my tongue all the time,i was grinding and smashing my teeth...nobody knew.this was the point when I felt I could take no more,in my mind I said goodbye to my wife and children and I begged god to take me! my night time nurse investigated the trickle of blood from my mouth and discovered what was going on,all they could do was to pack my mouth with gauze until the next day when a dental surgeon made me a set of gum shields.this stopped the biting and grinding but I lost several teeth and nearly chewed through my tongue!this episode lasted 2 weeks and then my mouth calmed down.all of this time I was hallucinating ...badly I never knew where I was or anything.my nana came to see me we had been close but she had been dead for over 20 years,even our first pets nicky the dog and Freddie the cat came to see me,i always called them my first bairns,even though they had both died quite a while ago they lay on my bed beside me and comforted me! to give you an idea about the halucinations,when the cranberries song "dreams" played on the radio I was immeadiatley away on a flying carpet!!!I know my spellings are rubbish but I hope you can understand me! I will stop now as this is really upsetting,i need time to control my thoughts,if you are reading this then thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!! I will be back!!!

2 Replies

Hi Tobby,

So sorry to hear of your traumatic experiences. I'm guessing by the fact that you can write this out shows that you are improving now? I hope so. I suffered at the hands of a nasty social worker and some uncaring carers years ago. You think you are going to die and you want to die. But we are still here my friend! We have strong spirits :-)

Sending love x


thank you for your reply,you are very kind ! i am writing this to try and settle some of my inner demons.regarding my current health,sadly my health is getting worse!!!!

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