Living with dyslexia and having communication problems.

[klmounts]

I am brand new to this but looking for any answers I can get. I'm 45, I have known all my life I am dyslexic. In school I was in the slow classes. There are few colleges that have classes for LD students and my family certainly could not afford to go so I joined the military where I had a great career for over 10 years. I got out of the military to get into law enforcement as a civilian. I struggled and ended up getting in the casino environment. I am great at work and have been the go to guy for things, but I have serious issues communicating with my wife. Does anyone else have these same issues? I always feel dumb talking to her. Many days I wonder what she sees in me because I feel like an absolute loser in life.

[Kanani]

Hi. I'm dyslexic and I found this a useful thread on this topic from a couple of years ago. You might find it useful. It's by a partner of a dyslexic man.

healthunlocked.com/dyslexia...

Look, I think this may be more about how you feel about yourself than about how your partner feels about you. And if you feel bad about yourself it will be difficult to communicate with confidence.

Are there things you enjoy doing together? Spending time together doing something you both enjoy may be easier than talking? Also, doing things that make her know you are thinking about her and looking after her needs is good to. Like doing simple things around the house to make it nice, it shows you care about the space you are sharing. Notice if she does something special and enjoy.

Before I found out I was dyslexic I found it really awkward with my friends as I wasn't able to join in the chat very easily, and when I did it somehow didn't fit the flow. Now that they and I know I'm dyslexic our conversations have changed so that I CAN fit in the way I need to. I don't feel so odd anymore and can be more myself. So maybe you can tell your wife how you are feeling and what you find difficult?

You are not a loser in life. You're just going through a difficult time and will get through it.

Best wishes!

[UaLiathain]

Looks like you have my problem...you write better than you talk. Often when I have something really important to say to someone I will write a letter. Even if I have to stand there and read it to the person it's better than standing there stammering. The first time I did this to my husband it scared him because he thought it was a "dear John" letter.

It is annoying not being able to communicate well verbally. I have a stammer I have learned to control most of the time by just shutting up when I feel it coming on. I forget words. I say one word when I am thinking another. Half the time I sound like an idiot. Mostly I keep my mouth shut and people tell me I'm a "good listener."

My husband is very left-brain dominate (more so than normal) so our brains work VERY differently. We have learned to be patient with each other and realize the other person is not just being a jerk. Sometimes I wonder what he sees in me too, but he must see something because we've been married 31 years.

[Giosang]

It's very difficult to advise anyone about marital relationship without knowing a whole lot more. However, some things are universal in my experience. I am dyslexic and so is my son, and we sometimes communicate very well with people and with each other, but other times we find it hard to even string a few coherent words together, or to remember details, and so we are forced to rely on our 'feelings' to make our point, which can get very distressing.

Your issue may be due to your self-esteem. Low self-esteem is the biggest issue dyslexic people have to deal with. It starts very early ilfe as soon as education begins. You say you were put in the 'slow classes' - I'll bet you anything that you are not 'slow' and never have been. You were put into classes that did not suit you because your schools didn't know what dyslexia is and didn't have the skills needed to teach you properly. That was and still is very common. I know a lot about this as I am a special needs teacher and have taught dyslexic children and young adults for years.

You should buy this book: 'The Secret Life of a Dyslexic Child' by Robert Frank and both of you should read it - together would be perfect. The author is a dyslexic college teacher and he writes about the difficulties he had growing up with dyslexia. What makes it really interesting is that it helps people understand the difficulties dyslexic adults have in life. It's a very intelligent, emotional book, and you both will probably see a lot of you in it. It will help you both make sense of your lives. It's very clearly written, with no jargon or complicated language, so it's a great read! I highly recommend it. It helped me so much.

You probably don't really know what your wife feels about you, she may be worrying about something that you need to talk about. So I think this book will be a great way in for you both.

Also, look up dyslexicadvantage.org/ that will cheer you both up too, because you will see that being dyslexic can be a very positive thing, it certainly helped me and my son feel very proud of being dyslexic. It's all about getting to know who you are your strengths and your weaknesses.

If you show what you have written here to your wife I'm sure she will be willing to talk with you about all these things.

I sincerely hope this helps. Keep in touch.