Angry about everything.

[FatOldMan]

Not been here for a while, guess I just didn't feel the need. I was having a couple of drinks once or twice a week ,no hangovers, no embarrassing incidents, no depression, just like any normal person.

Then BOOM, out of nowhere appears the old me, coming back to our holiday home in Lanzarote was the trigger. First night 2bottles of red wine and a couple of large brandies. Next night half a litre of vodka and I have been drinking like that for nearly two weeks now.

The depression has been the worst part, along with the irrational anger at every little thing and paranoia.

I got a wake up call two days ago at lunch time just before the next drinking session started, I was sitting on a bench near some bars when a guy similar in age and appearance to myself staggered into view, he was the rubber man with no control over his body, people were watching him and laughing some showing their disgust. He fell into the road and myself and a waiter on his break managed to get him upright again.

The thought of that guy stayed with me all day, even though I still went on to have a couple of glasses of wine, couldn't help thinking that could be me. I hope that he got home ok ,he will never know the good thing that he inadvertently did that afternoon.

That is why I am sitting here 36 hours sober, the depression is lifting the anger gone and planning my day ,not when and where will I have my first drink.

This is the major pitfall of trying to moderate but I'm still not ready to commit to complete abstinence. If anyone else is trying to moderate their drinking please see this as a cautionary story it's so easy to slip back into bad habits.

[Smegmer]

Hi. I have tracked all my intake since the start of the summer. My Average is around 20 units a week. Doesnt sound like much, but I dont drink for weeks sometimes, a binge seems inevitable at some point. I can stop at a couple of glasses of wine half the time. If its the weekend, I think, to hell with it, open a 2nd bottle. Then I feel hung over for 3 or 4 days and stop for a few weeks.

[FatOldMan in reply to Smegmer]

I also track my intake, I use the drink aware app and mine also averages out at around 20 units a week and has done for over a year. I have no idea what caused this massive crash, I have not drank quantities like that for years.

[Smegmer in reply to FatOldMan]

I use an Excel spreadsheet and have averages and charts etc. It doesn't seem too bad with the overall units; some would say moderate, but I can still end up wasting a weekend being hung over. If I could cut down by 30% I would be happy. I can moderate for weeks, but it always leads to 18-20unit binge.

[SoberDrunk1]

Glad to hear from you. I could relate to all this you said. The book talks about the great obsession of every problem drinker:

The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

[CiggieStardust]

Hi FatOldMan, I recognise myself from your thread and other peoples reply. Over the last 10 years I have reduced my drinking considerable. I no longer drink spirits and avoid drinking socially - I'm always the driver and happy to be so. But I do drink wine - it's too easy to drink. Some days I will have 2 bottles of white - always white wine. Other days I can stick to 1 and most weeks I can go 3,4 and even 5 days without a drink. I always have to finish the bottle too and don't like to buy the small bottles as they're so overpriced.

BUT I have to stop completely else if I don't my drinking will just escalate again and I can't let that happen. I don't want to be that old person in the gutter, or be found having fallen downstairs and badly injured myself.

Hope we can all find the courage and conviction to give up the drink. Best wishes to all.