Admitting my problems

[Newdad4]

So I’ve been drinking since the age of 15. To begin with it was only at the weekends, however when I moved out of my parents home ten years ago, and into my house with my now wife, it came with a sense of freedom which allowed me to drink more and more.

Initially it was one or two after work ciders in the house, but it has progressed over the years. I am now drinking pretty much every night, and usually around four or five pints on a week night and double that at the weekends.

I have known for sometime that I am a functioning alcoholic. I have a good well paid job, but if things don’t change that may no longer be the case.

I have recently had family members raise to me that they are worried about my drinking, and I agree with them that I finally need to take action.

I’m at the stage where when I’m driving to work in the morning, I am wondering what I am going to have to drink at night.

My wife and I have a loving marriage, and I have recently become a father for the first time. The two of them mean the world to me and I am scared of jeopardising that over drink.

I don’t really know what I am asking here, but any help is appreciated. What ways or methods did people find most helpful?

Thank you in advance.

[SoberDrunk1]

Welcome to the forum and good to hear that you are looking for a solution. I am not sure if you are familiar with the book called Alcoholics Anonymous. You can focus on these 2 chapters initially aa.org/sites/default/files/...

aa.org/sites/default/files/... and try to see if you can relate.

Your story is kind of similar to mine and I didnt know what alcholism really means. It was only after a long suffering, several attempts to moderate and then to stay stopped I sought help. My shrink suggested that I visit a local AA meeting. After initial struggle I run into few folks who led me to this book. I will tell you, it takes a bit of guidance to traverse through the book, however there are lot of workshop material on youtube these days to get a better understanding of what they want to convey to the suffering alcoholics.

I was so able to relate to the experience portrayed in that book. I would say, no where in the world you will find that level of research done (LOL) and documented. Best of all, they have a solution. Namely spiritual awakening! Its simply an attitude change. Old ideas and attitude cast aside and bring in new ones to look at the world with a different perspective.

I have also captured the salient concepts to help us see the un-manageability within each of us which will lead us back to the first drink again and again, all using the content from the big book. You may access it at: tinyurl.com/firststepAA.

You already have an amazing realization that the life you are living it is not what Cosmos intented and it is commendable that you are reaching out for help. Please let me know if you have any questions on AA, I will be glad to hlep.

[Newdad4 in reply to SoberDrunk1]

Thank you for your reply and advice. I’m not much of a reader (very easily distracted) but I did read the two chapters you posted and a lot of it hit home.

I suppose I’m just gonna take it one step at a time, but the hardest thing so far has been admitting I need help, guidance, and advice. I’m one of the lucky ones I suppose in that I have a supportive family around me, and I won’t be doing this alone.

[Smegmer]

Hi Buddy. 4-5pints in the week isn't a complete disaster, but combine that with 10 pints sessions over the weekend and that really isn't healthy, like 100units a week. You will almost certainly have Fatty Liver. You need to look after your health, I got gastritis off about 40units a week and was sick for 6months with an infection.

I have stopped drinking 5 weeks now and am going to keep to it. A light bulb moment for me was realizing that anyone who drinks regularly and gets at least some what drunk has Alcohol Use Disorder. The word Alcoholic is outdated and society only sees an Alcoholic if they are on a bench drinking litres of Vodka 24/7 etc. That is stage 4 AUD and that is hell on earth.

The issues start way before then, it normally starts off with weekend drinking, then you can drink a lot over a weekend as your tolerance goes up. Then you get a weekday in, then a few every day of the week. Now daily drinking is engrained, the amounts will then go up over time. The escalations can take place over a decade or even more. So many accounts online for you to read. Once booze has you, its wants to escalate, it is a drug.

Some of us are simply born more affected by the drug affects of Alcohol, we get addicted more easily. Even if we weren't, Alcohol is a drug and anyone can get addicted given enough exposure. So we have to be careful. Another issue is that once you get to a certain booze level if you stop for a while and start again, you end right back at your old levels with the escalatory nature of the addiction wanting to continue. Moderation will not work.

AA works for some, my sister is 2 years sober with them. For me personally I'm not into the "surrender to Alcohol" and you are "powerless" talk. I see it as pretty simple:

1) Alcohol is a drug and addictive.

2) I am born in a range of people that are more susceptible to the addiction affects of Alcohol.

3) My addiction will escalate over time, like the "frog in water" scenario.

4) I have to drink as little as possible, preferably none to halt any escalation in addiction.

Many will frown, but I smoke weed at the weekend. Always liked it and it kills any booze thoughts or desires right away.

[Newdad4 in reply to Smegmer]

Hi mate, thanks for your reply and advice. It’s much appreciated. I don’t think I’m drinking much at all when I have five pints each week night, but I now realise it’s pretty ridiculous, and adding to that the binging at the weekend, it’s a ticking time bomb.

Well done you for doing five weeks, that’s amazing. That to me right now seems completely impossible. Fingers crossed I’ll get there.

Yeah, the whole ‘higher power’ thing doesn’t resonate with me at all.

I often kid myself that my drinking is due to work related stress or even boredom, but the fact of the matter is that I just really enjoy it. I feel like I need something to replace that fix, but anything I try doesn’t compare, and I end up on the drink.

[Smegmer in reply to Newdad4]

Evening

I have found it easier to quit entirely. I was counting units and days trying to stick to around 30units a week. I was soon up to 40units, worst maybe 60units. I would have a few weeks or months dry when I felt it was increasing units too much. I just thought it was all too much effort and hangovers are too bad now.

Its not stress, Alcohol latches onto it and uses the stress to make you drink. A guy I know said it was stress that made him drink and end up yellow in the Hospital. Known him years and I can see the pattern, he was a beer guy weekends for a decade and then everyday for a decade, 8 pints a night. He ended up with Vodka stashed in his office and got fired, then homeless. He ended up sleeping in the bushes drinking Vodka and not eating. Its alarming once you see how overtime, a long time, it escalates. I always wondered how people end up like that, they always say "It sneaks up on you".

At the very least you need to knock the school nights off, give you organs 5 clear days to recover if you drink weekend. Maybe you should got to your GP and have a chat and maybe some tests. 100units long term, you may need some help detoxing. You need a plan buddy to cut this down, you cant carry on like this. Think of the decades ahead that you want to live in health I assume.

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to Newdad4]

Yes, Alcoholics drink because of the Effect produced by alcohol. Its not about taste or socializing in the crowd. Alcoholics drink when alone or in crowd. They dont need a reason. The alcoholic mind is so powerful that even though it knows that its bad, it forces alcoholics to take that first drink (for the effect) but then, the physical craving kicks in and alcoholics end up drinking way more than what they intended. The key factor is, when abstaining, they can't seemed to be able to handle life situations gracefully. Alcoholics get real cranky. And then boom out of no where the thought comes that this time, this is how they are going to handle alcohol safely. They dont see the physical craving nor do they see the consquences at that point. Thats the vicous cycle of Alcoholism.

And in AA each member can have his own conception of Higher Power. Alcoholics will is weak when it comes to compating liquor so its better to rely on something greater than ourselves. Good Orderly Directions could be the guiding force, as long as, there is light willingness to have a different perspective, thats all it takes.

[Jampacked]

Your post is insightful! I think quitting is the answer, moderating uses up a lot of brain space and is often unsuccessful. However cutting down before you quit can be helpful. Try alcohol free alternatives to help AF lagers are now fabulous and Thatchers zero cider is good. Educate yourself on alcohol. Without emotional sobriety you are doomed to fail as you need to outwit your addictive voice. Try Allan Carr and Sober Daves quit lit. Listen to podcasts just on your way to work or while doing housework, sober stories, sober dave, sober awkward are all on spotify. I am part of an online sober group for women. There are loads about for all plus counselling and coaching not as expensive as you might think. Instagram has a strong sober element. AA is a tried snd tested solution as well. Don't do this alone.

[Newdad4 in reply to Jampacked]

Thanks for your reply and advice mate, really appreciate it.

I have been looking up a good few podcasts. I’ll probably start to listen to a few when out walking the dog. I used to often end up in the pub with the dog, but that’s stopped! Everything just revolves around having a drink.

I’m definitely cutting down initially. I was told with the amount I drink (although not strong spirits) can still be risky to stop immediately. Today is the first night of trying an alcohol free night, and so far so good, although the temptation is definitely there. I’m going to try alternate nights, initially, and track what I’m having on the nights I have a drink and take it from there.

[Jampacked in reply to Newdad4]

Amazing! You are doing all the ground work which is so important. The Try Dry app is really good for recording dry days and units drank. It also has lots of signposting for help. Plan treats. You may well develop a sweet tooth as you cut down indulge it initially. Milkshake, hot chocolate etc helped me through the early days. I never drank things like that when drinking .