I hope everyone is doing well.
How do you guys forgive yourself/ move on for things that you’ve done whilst drunk/blacked out?
I haven’t gotten in that state for around 5 months but I am still thinking about things that happened! Im still constantly putting myself down, tormenting myself. It’s hard to bare.
That’s a good question and one I wish I could answer positively but this is also an area I struggle with. In the past few years I have realised my relationship with alcohol is not healthy and have decided if I can’t drink in moderation then I can’t drink. My life is very positive without alcohol and I also like myself sober but I can hang my head in shame at the person I can be when I drink. I know my son has had a hard time with my drinking growing up and quite rightly so. Now he’s an adult I’ve tried to explain the reason for my drinking but it never feels enough 🤦🏼♀️
All I can say is we can’t change the past but we can do something about the future.
Stay strong and learn to love yourself for the person you are today and try to understand it was alcohol that stole your yesterday.
😊
Thank you for your kind words. It’s true I like myself sober too, I know that I’m a good person with a good heart but drunk me, she’s a different story and she’s upset people.
It’s hard to be present sometimes. I have anxiety trying to ensure that I don’t become like that ever again!
That’s why I appreciate the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous so much. They gave me a design for living which includes making amends to those people I harmed during my drinking days. There’s also a step that addresses ongoing wrongs I commit. There’s not a person in the world who I couldn’t face today. Myself included.
I don’t have to feel the guilt and shame anymore. I’m free.
The 4 Rs of self forgiveness are Responsibilty, Remorse, Restoration and Renewal. It sounds like you have stopped drinking and are remorseful. You are part way through a horribly painful process. I think most of us here are in that process. Your body and brain are saying ' never do that again.' You were under the influence of an addictive substance and have moved on. Be patient the further you are away from those events you are the easier it will be. By being on this site we are supporting each other and safeguarding our own renewal and growth. Hang in there, if you are completely overwhelmed counselling talking to someone face to face might help. How harshly do you judge others? I have a feeling you would judge another person less harshly for the things you have done under the influence of alcohol. Flash backs are painful but happen less and less in time.
Thank you so much.
I want to bring it up to my therapist but also scared of judgement. Which I know is silly given that they are a professional.
I don’t judge others, I always think yeah there’s more to this rather than seeing things at face value. I know not everyone is the same 
I’m glad I can talk openly here, I haven’t spoken about it with anyone else.
Spot on.... I can't move forward if I stay stuck in my past. Guilt, remorse, regret...are all slippery slopes for me, so living life today and knowing I cannot change the past is all about acceptance. I've done my amends and apologies, and whether they were accepted I have no control over.
Power of Now and A New Earth are books by Eckhart Tolle, it gave me a great understanding of our mind (Ego) operates. Its only job is to keep us in that state of constant judgment. Of ourselves and others. It never stops. We human-beings have become slaves to our own mind. So what is the remedy. Its something I am not qualified to explain but I can share a few realization. There are few analogies he shares in these books maybe i can post one to give you an idea of his work. One is the segment titled "Carrying the past":
The inability or rather unwillingness of the human mind to let go of the past is beautifully illustrated in the story of two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, who were walking along a country road that had become extremely muddy after heavy rains. Near a village, they came upon a young woman who was trying to cross the road, but the mud was so deep it would have ruined the silk kimono she was wearing. Tanzan at once picked her up and carried her to the other side. The monks walked on in silence. Five hours later, as they were approaching the lodging temple, Ekido couldn't restrain himself any longer. “Why did you carry that girl across the road?” he asked. “We monks are not supposed to do things like that.”
“I put the girl down hours ago,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?” Now imagine what life would be like for someone who lived like Ekido all the time, unable or unwilling to let go internally of situations, accumulating more and more “stuff' inside, and you get a sense of what life is like for the majority of people on our planet. What a heavy burden of past they carry around with them in their minds. The past lives in you as memories, but memories in themselves are not a problem. in fact, it is through memory that we learn from the past and from past mistakes. It is only when memories, that is to say, thoughts about the past, take you over completely that they turn into a burden, turn problematic, and become part of your sense of self. Your personality, which is conditioned by the past, then becomes your prison. Your memories are invested with a sense of self, and your story becomes who you perceive yourself to be. This “little me” is an illusion that obscures your true identity as timeless and formless Presence.
Your story, however, consists not only of mental but also of emotional memory – old emotion that is being revived continuously. As in the case of the monk who carried the burden of his resentment for five hours by feeding it with his thoughts, most people carry a large amount of unnecessary baggage, both mental and emotional, throughout their lives. They limit themselves through grievances, regret, hostility, guilt. Their emotional thinking has become their self, and so they hang on to the old emotion because it strengthens their identity
We all can relate to this. I used to spend phenomenal amout of time sitting and thinking of something that happened in the past or that is going to happen (of course thats fantasy). Net net we wasted enormous amout of energy on things that happened in the past or things that might happen in the future.
I feel like a prisoner to it, that is right!
Thank you for the story! I want to try and be present and I guess things will get better in time.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You can't change the past but your moving in the right direction. Everyone makes mistakes but don't let them define you! Focus on the great achievement of 5 months moving in a positive direction! You got this!
That’s true! It what I do with the next five months and so on that matters. Nice to hear from you healthhguy1!
I am a Christian so forgiveness is a big part of my spiritual journey, I do find it easier to forgive others and like you I can really beat myself up about the things I have done when drunk, ( yes even as a Christian ) ! What a disgrace I was at times but I have truly repented and have turned away from drinking alcohol and believe I am forgiven, so I am to forgive myself and others now and then can move on in my redemptive journey. Forgiveness is not a feeling it is an act of the will. If we can ask other people we have hurt to forgive us that is very freeing too.
So everytime you are tempted to beat up on yourself about past, say I will forgive myself , I am forgiven, I am free and I am thankful.
Start building good and happy memories!
Thank you so much 💛
Are you sober now?
I’m not T total yet but trying to be. I’ve cut down on drinking a hell of a lot.
You can’t turn back time so forgive yourself and allow the new you to move on and if you ever have the urge to apologise for something you did despite how long ago,pick up the phone and make that call or arrange a catch up and do it in person.
At war with myself. 
My life became unmanageable….
