Alcoholism

[patez]

Hi.Another member from the mental support forum suggested joining.

My alcoholism came on quite suddenly, just after my Father passed away on 04/04/2022.

Then 1 month later I had to have a heart operation.

Since then my life has literally fallen apart.

I used to be very physically active, dinghy sailing every day, but now I have no strength and suffer badly with the shakes.

I have no friends or family for any support.

I have been to see a local psychiatrist here in Thailand where I have retired to, but he has not been of much help.

I was originally prescribed 0.5mg clonazepam, twice a day, but it did not really help much. I have now been prescribed 2 X 5mg diazepam twice daily.

Yes I do understand the danger of mixing diazepam with alcohol, but I find that I need to drink to stop the severe shaking.

So I am in a pretty desperate state.

Last week I self harmed with a deep stab wound to the abdomen. Fortunately not deep enough to cause any internal organ damage. I needed a few stitches though.

I have been to see the local AA, but they only advised me to pray to God, but I am agnostic, so they refused to help me.

I managed to import naltrexone, which is not available in Thailand, but it made me violently sick.

The local Thai psychiatrist has tried me on topamax and then gabapentin as off label use to try and help me to reduce my heavy drinking, but to no avail.

I am lost and suffering with mental health issues also.

So I am turning to all the community on here, in desperation of some sort of help and support.

The self harming should have been the Wake up call I needed, but I find myself just crying most of the time.

I will ask this question in case it has helped anyone to curb the heavy drinking. The diazepam is helping me to cope a little bit with my emotional state, but I also know that it can be dangerous when mixed with alcohol, but I have read that lorazepam may be more suitable? Does anyone have experience with the use of lorazepam for alcohol abuse?

Thanks for any help or support.

Patez

[chloe40]

Hello    patez

Welcome to our Community.

You seem to have some very complex issues, we are not professionals, so I can only reply in a personal capacity, but we can offer support.

Firstly, I'm truly sorry you are experiencing such distressing symptoms.

It does appear that these have all developed since the loss of your father, anxiety and depression following a loss is not unusual, especially since added to your loss, you had a heart operation, which must have been a dreadful worry for you.

You seem to have had many changes in medication and as you feel your psychiatrist has not really helped, maybe a change would be beneficial.

I take it you have a general practitioner too? if not you could really do with professional medical help, especially as you have self harmed.

I was surprised to read that the AA could not help you as many of our members have nothing but praise for them, they are extremely supportive and you need support    patez I'm sure members who have experience in this regard will be able to comment.

There are many online support organisations for all the individual issues you are facing, so that may also be an option for you too, as you can contact them from anywhere in the world.

Of course we are here for all our members, please do know this.

Very best wishes

Chloe

[patez in reply to chloe40]

Hi.

Thank you for your reply.

No I don't have a gp as I live in Thailand.

I have just called the local hospital, but the psychiatrist I normally see is not available for 1 week. I should be able to see an alternative psychiatrist, hopefully tomorrow.

From what I have read, I either need an increased dose of clonazepam, which I used to take until very recently, or a change of medication.

All I know is that the very recent strong dosage of diazepam is making me feel very weak and tired. I am really struggling to even walk to the shops. I know that I can't go cold turkey with diazepam, because the withdrawal can be very serious.

I very much appreciate your concern and very helpful advice.

Thank you.

[chloe40 in reply to patez]

You're very welcome and I wish you well, please let us know how you get on.

Chloe

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

The 12 Steps of AA mention “God, as we understand Him.” There is no need for a religious God. A Higher Power can be anything that is more powerful than I am. It can be nature. It could be a group of other sober alcoholics. It can be my therapist, psychiatrist or another professional. I make up my own conception of this Higher Power.

The reason I need a power greater than me is because I’m powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. I needed to come to believe in a power that could restore me to sanity. In fact the Steps have done that, so they could be my higher power.

I know a lot of agnostics in AA that manage to work the steps.

[patez in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Hi.Yes I have read about the 12 steps, and it is not really suitable for me, because I also suffer with extreme anxiety.

I did have a long talk with the local AA, and their honest opinion is that I need to enter a dedicated detox facility, which is something that I can't afford.

So that is why I am reaching out for any help or advice from both the mental health community and alcoholism community on health unlocked.

I do feel the suffering that you went through, when your life became unmanageable, because that is where I am now.

I am very happy that you managed to beat this horrible illness.

As a question, how long did the 12 step therapy take?

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to patez]

The 12 Steps are guideposts that I use daily. It took about a year to complete my first go around - working all 12. Then it became a way of life. Not only do I not have to drink but many of my destructive mental habits and emotional twists disappeared as well. The process has given me an even playing field which enables me to address my other mental issues.

[patez in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you for your insight

[SoberDrunk1]

Patez, Sorry to hear about your condition. Like LilyAnne stated you dont have to believe in anybody elses perception of god, you can have your own conception. The key is to understand step 1. Are you really an alcoholic? If you are, AA says only a vital spiritual awakening can fix the issue. Spiritual awakening is an attitude shift. You look at the world differently. A sponsor can help you understand the steps. You mentioned you are anxious. What are you anxious about is what we need to look at and start relying on the higher power instead of relying on your own self will. As far as how long it takes? Its like exercising, we need the tools every day. The obsession will go away soon but the steps will keep that obsession come back.