My life became unmanageable….

[Isinatra]

A very kind term for the eventual destruction of a persons life due to alcoholism. It’s a progressive disease. Escalation. The only reason it took so long to almost get to the point of no return was because I had to support myself and had to get up every morning to work. I was in denial for way too long. My go to reason why I thought I wasn’t an alcoholic was that as long as I showed up for work every day, I wasn’t an alcoholic. I was a functioning alcoholic for many years. Even so, I worried about my drinking because I didn’t drink like other people. I was always trying to control how much I drank. I was arrested for drinking and driving, yet that didn’t stop me. What does it take for a person to stop drinking? It takes a realization that all the tricks I used to quit weren’t working. My life had become “unmanageable “. I stopped socializing because I wanted to drink as much as I wanted without white knuckling it. Besides, it got to the point that I couldn’t commit…All I could was go to work (barely) drink and sleep. I was lying to cover up how much I drank, then I had to lie more to back up those lies. I could go for long periods of time without drinking, but never considered myself a binge drinker. When I drank again, I drank as much as I did when I quit sometimes 7 months past or three months or two weeks. The only thing that kept my body from breaking down was my inability to drink when I wanted to. I was spending the extra money I had on alcohol and then some. My tricks to stop drinking that never worked?…..drinking wine instead of liquor, follow each drink with a glass of water….diluting my wine, pacing myself, only buy a bottle, but always going back to buy more, pouring out the alcohol then going back again to buy more, eating, mass quantities of vitamins. I went to AA,but only half heartedly. I wasn’t desperate enough yet. Lots of yets in a alcoholics life. I hadn’t killed anyone, yet. I hadn’t burned down the house, yet. I hadn’t lost my job, yet. My boyfriend hadn’t left me, yet. I wasn’t drinking on the job, yet. My organs hadn’t shut down, yet. Well, some of those yets started to happen. I lost my job, my home, my cat,my best friend, trust, respect and almost my boyfriend. But he gave me an ultimatum, stop drinking or he’d leave. I didn’t want to go down any further. The gutter would have been next.Did I think this would ever happen to me? Nah. Not me. I’ve got this under control. Yeah, right….So I asked for help from the only source that I hadn’t really tried. The voices of experience. AA. I did everything they suggested to stop drinking. I saw myself in others in meetings. Different stages of alcoholism, but always the same eventual path they would take if they didn’t stop drinking.. Jail, mental and physical illness, death or wishing they were dead. As a friend said, this my story and I’m sticking to it. Actually, it’s not the whole story, but I’m running out of space on the internet. 🍀

[Hidden]

You are amazing, stronger than you think. I think that you need to learn to believe in yourself. I hope you don't mind me saying this, I don't mean any harm, I promise.

[Isinatra in reply to Hidden]

Becoming stronger is one of the things I left out of my story. AA lifted me up. It gave me my self worth back, taught me to have borders, how to take care of me first, how to become trustworthy again, patience…..all things to make me a stronger person. And believing in myself. After all that, I’m still a work in progress. Progress, not perfection. I know you don’t mean any harm. I appreciate you taking the time to care.

[Dizzytwo in reply to Isinatra]

Thank you for sharing what you have been through. I am sure that's very inspiring to all that read it.

May I just say if you don't already know or maybe you do and your ok with it . But you can lock your posts to this community only if you wish to. This stops your private thoughts or those who reply to a post from been picked up and read on places like Google, Facebook etc.

Sometimes people come here and share some very personal things and may feel easier knowing a post is locked. In my experience locked posts tend to get more replies . I hope this helps xx

Mo

[Isinatra in reply to Dizzytwo]

Hi Dizzy. I’m on the fence about locking my post. In the info regarding posting, I’m told that by not locking my post, more people will receive the benefits of a post. If people are aware that the post isn’t locked, they can be discreet about themselves when they reply. What I shared can be thousands of peoples stories, making it difficult for outsiders to know who the author is. What do you think?

[Hidden in reply to Isinatra]

I have to say that I wasn't aware that other platforms could pick up our posts, I thought is was just HU. I wonder if an administrator would be kind enough to comment and confirm what the situation might be?

[Isinatra in reply to Hidden]

I know when a person submits a post, they are asked if they want to lock it or not and the reasons for doing one or the other. If a person replies to an unlocked post the results are as you stated. I’m not sure where the total rundown on security is. My mind is in a fog right now. Since this site isn’t a busy site, you could pm admin….Jerry for example and they could direct you. Sometimes Pinned Posts have that info. Or the admin on A&D. Sorry, I’m not much help. Someone might pop up on here to help as well after they read your inquiry. If you are uncomfortable with leaving your comments on my post, you can delete them.

[Hidden in reply to Isinatra]

I was thinking about someone that might put sensitive information about themselves thinking they were in a secure environment rather than me, to be honest. I wouldn't put anything on these groups that I wasn't comfortable to say to someone's face. Guess I am too honest but I try to be considerate as well. I am a qualifies mental health first aider and that has given me experience, although not practical but is a learning situation.

[Isinatra in reply to Hidden]

I hear you. I was thinking🤔that new people as well aren’t familiar with the workings of HU yet and might not know about the lock thing. An idea would be to make the lock icon red so it would be more noticeable. Or a red banner stating if the post was locked or not. Enter at your own risk kind of thing.

[Hidden in reply to Isinatra]

Like a red triangle with an exclamation mark in the middle - read this before entering I agree with you.

[Hidden in reply to Isinatra]

In this community, there may be discussions of health-related issues and sharing of personal information.

Please note that My Cancer Community is an open site, meaning that any posts are searchable by internet search engines and can be shared via social media platforms. The default setting of posts allows them to be visible to individuals who are not members of the community. If you would rather your content was not searchable, you can change the visibility of your post by selecting "Only followers in my community" before clicking submit. This will result in only the post title and first line of text being visible to those who are not members of the community. However, doing this will limit the number of people who will find and benefit from the information you have shared. We suggest members leave posts open for everyone to find if they are comfortable doing so to ensure more people find communities and benefit from the wealth of information on HealthUnlocked.

For your own safety, you should not disclose personal information such as your full name, email address, home address, telephone number, or any other information which could directly or indirectly identify you.

From this, I would say that the posts are limited to the HU community but I don't see how they could slip into other platforms such as Facebook or Twitter for example.

What do you think?

[Isinatra in reply to Hidden]

I’m not a techy, so I’m not sure of how info can leave HU unless a person screenshots a post or private message then emails it out. I’m lost…glad you found that HU info so quick. I still have to reread it on occasion.

[Dizzytwo in reply to Hidden]

All Hu site are open sites I believe. To lock a post is up to the poster its not automatic.

[Zara0123]

Your journey has been difficult but you've made it to your destination. I think you should celebrate that 🏅 Be proud of what you've achieved....where you were and how far you've got. I'm sure others will definitely benefit from your post because you've been real and told it how it was....what you lost but also what you've accomplished to get this far. You are one strong women and I'm proud of you my friend 👏 😘

[Isinatra in reply to Zara0123]

😊There needs to be an emoji that expresses true embarrassment. Thank you, Zara.

[Zara0123 in reply to Isinatra]

I'm glad there's not......My pleasure in telling the truth 🥰

[Dizzytwo]

Hi there, if you wish to lock your post for privacy reasons. The link below will help you support.healthunlocked.com/...

[Isinatra]

Mornin. 4am. Early hours.Drifting, eh? I find myself doing the same.lol Deleting paragraphs….meandering. Realizing I’m doing it again, going down a dark path in my thoughts. Why do we do that? Maybe because they played a big part in our lives. They surface, we write, we delete and put them back to bed for a while.Sharing our similar stories does indeed help others as well as ourselves. Ships passing in the night….my take on that…even though some encounters are brief and temporary, if a person picks up one thing they carry with them as they move on and it will help them later, then it’s been a good day. By more people engaging on this community, it will attract more attention and new people might be more inclined to stick around for a while.

Merchant navy…now that’s an adventure. I can imagine all the stories you have hidden away.

Yes, my partnership with alcohol was stormy. It couldn’t be anything less. But I’ve been in safe harbor for 20 years. And engaging with others, such as here, keeps me in safe harbor. And I am grateful for that. 😉👋👋

[Isinatra]

Your physical cravings should subside soon. I lose mine within 24 hours. I never had much trouble with that. Then I had to deal with the emotional dependence withdrawal. Had to change habits. Missing that first drink in the morning or as you, wanting that cold drink after physical work. Staying distracted and staying away from triggers, which were just about everything. But I am an alcoholic . I’m not able to do it on my own. Persevere, it gets better. 👍🏼🍨

[Isinatra]

☀️👍🏼

[Isinatra]

😁🌸