Negativity

[boudicca]

Not sure why but I have become very negative. Maybe it's partly because the end is in sight and I have already proved to myself that I can do it? For me running is still a bit of an endurance test.

I should have done W9R1 last night, but could not get up the energy. I didn't want to do it tonight either but forced myself out, thinking all the time that I wouldn't be able to do it. Don't know why since it's only 2 minutes longer than W8, after all. Well I more or less did it - going ok despite negative thoughts at the beginning until Laura announced I had only a minute to go and I simultaneously tripped on an uneven bit of pavement and went sprawling. Strangely I have managed to graze an elbow and a knee but not damage the running clothes that covered them. Anyway I picked myself up, turned the ipod back on, only to discover it had gone back to the beginning of the podcast. So I ran to the initial five minute walk music along the route I had preplanned and then walked home.

Self fulfilling prophecy or what? My next run should be on Saturday but I'm out in the afternon and evening and out on Sunday too. So unless I get up enough courage to go running in daylight I'll have to wait until Monday to do R2. Though I suppose at least then I'd see the the hazards...

[rolphie2 Graduate]

Well done on continuing running after a fall, I too have become negative now I am nearing the end of the programme and the weather gets colder, I guess we just have to dig deep and remember how far we have come, too far to give up now. You can do it keep running

[janda Graduate]

Keep going guys. You're right to remember just how far you have come since the start of the programme. I struggle mentally with the first stretch of the runs and about two thirds through when the tiredness is starting to get me and I know I am slowing. But it's about the psychological strength as well as the physical. And you have shown you've got the resources to pick yourself up and just get going again. Well done and good luck with your final runs. Don't give up now: keep running!

[Deryn61 Graduate]

Oh that's a shame, especially tripping over and hurting yourself, I would just have given up and gone home crying!

I understand about feeling too self conscious to run outdoors. I did weeks 1 to 7 in a gym late at night to avoid other gym users but finally ventured out (mostly at dusk and in quieter areas to avoid being seen at first). I really really can't recommend running outside in daylight enough and I promise that after a few runs you lose that awful self conscious feeling! I even run with "proper" runners on an athletics track once a week now (my games teacher is probably turning in her grave as I mitched games for about 6 years in comp!).

You should be proud of yourself for starting this, and persevering since its been so tough!

It is meant to be a challenge but not a penance! And try and remember that, however brilliant a challenge this is, it is really just a means to an end, ie getting more active.

Maybe once you start running in the day you will get more fun out of it or maybe you could buddy up with someone, or join a club - lots of them are really friendly and encouraging to newbies.

It may well be that running just isnt your thing (I did spend 35 years believing it wasnt mine!) and it may be that there is another form of exercise that you will get more satisfaction - even pleasure- out of?

Good luck x

[AuntieAli Graduate]

But you're sooooo close!! runners (and you are one) like you further up the programme give newbies like me the inspiration to keep going.

Keep going! You can do it.

The end is close and then there will be another hurdle to overcome (increase in pace, longer distance, a park run.....) and this little blip will be just that - a blip.

[notbad Graduate]

I found the last few weeks a slog, I knew from experience I could do it but still doubted that I could consistently do it. I still have moments of self doubt even now but less frequently.

Don't worry about running in daylight, most people will barely notice you, you'll be just another runner to them. Perhaps you'll find your negativity will vanish when you step out into the sunshine - well maybe sunshine is a tall order . A change of route/routine can sometimes do the trick & get the mojo back. How about a Parkrun? They're great fun & you won't feel self conscious as everyone else will be red faced, sweaty & puffing & panting.

[Soozz Graduate]

I do sympathise with you, Boudicca. I really struggled with all the longer runs, and totally lost my mojo at W8R3, only completed it on the third attempt. And somehow at the beginning of week 9, when I was pretty sure I'd graduate, I started thinking I'd feel lost without the programme / community. Of course that was crazy thinking because the community is always here and I still blog, ask questions, etc., and there's definitely something to strive for after graduation!!!!!

You must have lots of determination to keep going after you fell over, and to keep going even though you're not particularly enjoying it, and as for running in the dark, that is heroic...! I'm sure all the effort and progress will pay off when you graduate, and if, as Deryn61 suggests, you start running outside in the daylight, maybe with a buddy, you will start to enjoy it. One thing about having graduated, you feel if you do slow down or walk it really doesn't matter. And that knowledge usually keeps you going!!

You really are a hero! Well done for staying with it, you can do it and we'll be looking out for your graduation blog!

(PS But make sure you've recovered from your fall before you run again).

[SBG356 Graduate]

Just concentrate on the reason you started this and try and focus on that boudicca to keep your motivation going. Think of all the time and effort you have invested in this and how far you have come from W1R1. You are so close so dont give up now when the finish line is in sight. I will be graduating tonight or tomorrow so I want to see you there celebrating too!! You CAN do this!

Sue

[boudicca Graduate]

Thanks for the support - really appreciate it. I don't dare do a parkrun yet as mapmyrun says my route is ony 3.4 km. I've downloaded the post graduate podcasts and even the B210K stuff, in the hope that new challenges will keep me going. I've mapped a 5K run round the streets, so I'll see how far round it I get on Monday.

The great thing about running round the streets is that you don't have to plan anything - just get the gear on and go. Maybe if (when) I can do the 5K route I'll think about driving over to the site of the parkrun and do it in daylight. At the moment I just think that I'm a bit of a comical figure - most runners look fit and run much faster than me. There aren't a lot of fat old ladies running out there - though actually last night an older (but not as old as me) lady did give me admiring and encouraging remarks. I can't believe I've just described myself as fat and old. My mind still thinks I'm in my twenties rather than my sixties. And I think I've just tipped from obese to overweight.