Will anti depressants help?

[maddie520]

I had a total colectomy when I was 18, 47 yrs ago. I still wake up everyday and think how friggin stupid I was to have had that operation done, but there were my parents in my room when the drs told me I was going to die. I really wish I would have had the courage to say 'send me home so I can die'. I've never had any real intimacy with my husband....I was a virgin when I had the surgery...all I imagine in my mind is 'he's looking at me with a bag of shit hanging off my side'. I'm completley disgusted and can't wait until it's over. The older I get the worse living with an ileostomy gets. Anyone else feel this way? Would major anti depressants help?

[Ktappern]

Im so sorry to hear what you going through. One of the topics not really looked at with IBD is the mental effect it has. Especially after surgery. Im not going to begin to try and understand what you're thinking or going through. Everybody is different and we can only talk about our own experiences. I broke seperated from an 8 years relationship a month before being rushed into hospital and having an ileostomy. I hadn't even heard of IBD before then. As you know its a real whirlwind to try and get your head around. Afterwards i would always question whether id be intimate again and how can i accept myself. All i can suggest is talking about it. Be honest with your husband and friends. Saying what was on my mind really helped. I saw a specialist IBD therapist and that was helpful too. Eventually i found someone who probably loves my stoma more than me. As she knows i wouldn't be here without it. I also found my acceptance. All i can say is talk about it properly and dont hold anything back. It may help you. I am also on anti depressants called sertraline. I also find they really help. They dont make you happy but they bring you to a level headed state, stopping you from feeling low. Its always worth a try. I hope this helps a little. Feel free to message me if you want to talk some more.

[Howlinwolf999]

So sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult time coming to terms with your ileostomy, to have had this since you were 18 must have been really tough. I imagine it must have been awful to suddenly presented with surgery as the only option, no time to mentally prepare yourself. In 1975 I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at age 23 and came very close to surgery in 1978, luckily for me it all settled down and I managed to keep away from the surgeon for a total of 41 years. Constantly monitored, medication, annual tests, camera up my bum each year with biopsies, barium enema x-rays, flare ups etc. I suppose in many ways I was quite lucky, with all the monitoring etc, my consultant always copied me in on the results of the tests which were sent to my GP, I'm not stupid and could see which way things were heading particularly over the last five years or so and it was not entirely a surprise or shock and mentally I had been gearing myself up to what I expected was the inevitable. In the autumn of 2015, after the latest camera an biopsies, I was left with the stark choice, 60% chance of an aggressive cancer within 5 years or surgery. In April 2016 I had a panproctocolectomy with end ileostomy (removal of the entire colon, rectum and anal canal and the end of the small bowel brought out onto the surface of the abdominal wall) I wasn’t entirely happy with the idea but to me the alternative was worse. I can’t say that it is wonderful having a bag of output hanging from my belly but that is what ostomates are stuck with. I have also developed a parastomal hernia which I understand is not that uncommon, but that is managed with a hernia support belt. There are mostly good days with very occasional less good days, sometimes I wonder if I should have taken my chances of getting the cancer and not having the op, but that feeling normally passes quite quickly. Before the surgery, whenever I was going out anywhere I would either have to reconnoitre the location I was going to visit to ensure that there were toilets close by (in case I got caught short) or just decide not to go, a prisoner to my colon. During flare up this was particularly limiting, after surgery I have few such problems, the only significant thing I have not done yet is a long-haul flight on an aircraft. I have not found intimacy to be a huge problem, at first I was very conscious of the bag hanging off my belly but nowadays before intimacy or being more blunt having sex, I empty my bag and I use my swim wrap to keep my bag in place and not flapping about all over the place. I don’t think the bag has affected how my wife views me as a person, I am not defined by the bag and I am still the person she married just very occasionally a bit miserable on the very few days the bag gets me down. There is a plus side for my family, they are delighted that I no longer pollute the atmosphere with smelly farts!

Where about’s do you live, in which country or county, in the UK you should be able to get guidance from your local Stoma Nurses, mine in Leicestershire have been brilliant with every aspect of my post-surgical care and very reassuring every time I have seen them. Please speak to your local Stoma Nurses as I am sure they would help you.

I also think that it is really important to talk frankly with your husband and explain how you feel also talk with your family and real friends as I would be very surprised if they were not supportive and help you through the horrible days. Talking about how you feel with people you trust can be very therapeutic and I sometimes think posting on website like this can sometime help you to get things off your chest. I'm not really sure about the anti-depressant route, I have never felt that bad that I felt them necessary but we are all different and it may be that they might help you on the road to feeling better about yourself, it may be worth talking to your GP. Despite the bag life can still be fun and enjoyable, feel free to message.

[Kiowa1955 in reply to Howlinwolf999]

Thankyou so much I want to say if you haven’t helped anyone else you certainly have helped me! I had my Stoma op 16 months ago and have only managed to be intimate with my husband once! Before my surgery we had a very good sex life but this has gone and all on my part! None of it bothers my husband he says he sees me for his beautiful wife I’ve always been it’s just to me has been so sole destroying! I’ve read your words to my husband in tears and I feel tears of I hope feeling positive for the first time. So Thankyou.x

[Howlinwolf999 in reply to Kiowa1955]

Hi I hope you are coping and everything is OK, if at any time you need to talk to a fellow ostomate feel free to DM me.

Ps saw this the other day stealthbelt.com/blog/a-view... hopefully this re-enforces that sex and intimacy does not have to stop just because we have a bag. Best of Luck X