Afraid...

[livndeadgrl1]

Hey everyone...jeez where to start.I'm 48, had ovarian cancer and a total hysterectomy at 26...had bladder reconstruction using a piece of my small bowel (12 hrs on the table) at age 12. Called an Ileocecalcystoplasty. One kidney that functions poorly and requires a stent change every 3 months...for the last 20 years. Recently my urologist revealed that during these stent changes, I'm tested for bladder/bowel cancer as my "new" bladder is a combination of both types of tissues.

Over the last several years, my ummm poop looks more like a period, clots and all...but there's no pain. Was told it was IBS, complicated by untreated bulimia since age 16.

I guess my reason for posting this is pure fear.

I've dodged more "bullets" than I care to think, but can't help but wonder...at what point is my "luck" going to run out and how much more can my body take before it finally says "enough"?

Thanks for listening/reading, and any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[GCCA-Survivor Administrator]

Hi livndeadgrl1,

Thank you for posting on Colon Cancer Connected. I really do appreciate you sharing that. I am proud of you. 👏❤️

I went through my own cancer fight that started with diagnosis in 2012. There were a lot of ups and downs and things got pretty ugly for a while. It took a clinical trial to eventually save me. I have to have an annual colonoscopy, CT scan and blood work plus an endoscopy every three years. My cancer was hereditary and that’s the surveillance that I do to hopefully catch anything new early.

When I hear a story like yours, I sit back in amazement. For someone to endure so much adversity throughout their life and remain a rock star fighter💪 the whole time is absolutely amazing. A lot of cancer patients describe their survivor years as their new normal. That is very true. Your new normal started at age 12. When I was diagnosed, I didn’t realize there would be a new normal. I thought there would be a fight and then I would return to my pre-cancer days. That would never happen.

You describe these things that you’ve faced with as “bullets”. I looked at everything I had to go through as a "fight". They were fights that I had to win or at least survive. It looks like you’re doing just that. Cancer and disease are things that enter the room you’re in and pick a fight with you. The problem is, you don’t have a choice. You can’t walk away. You have to fight and you have to win. You have your doctors, nurses, faith & family to help you, but bottom line it’s you that has to fight. I see that that is exactly what you are doing. I know that some people have to fight and there are a lot of people that don’t. Focus on that. You didn't cause this. These things picked a fight with you.

When cancer pick a fight with me, I realize that I didn’t know how to fight cancer. From that point on there was not a lot in my life that I was controlling. I knew I had to get good doctors and I did. I see you are doing the same thing. Because I didn’t know how to fight cancer, I decided that I needed to be the best patient I could be. Hydration, nutrition, faith, and attitude are the things I could control. That’s what I focused on. I attribute my attitude about it as why I’m here today. I was highly focused on defeating anything that would come up. Things became the opponent that needed to be defeated.

For over 2 years I did two types of chemo and a regiment of radiation treatments. Those didn’t work. The clinical trial that I eventually qualified for with an immunotherapy drug called Optivo. I would watch the commercial for that drug on TV everyday. It would say “ a chance to live longer” and “ has been known to attack healthy organs vote during and after treatment”. I asked my oncologist two questions: 1) why doesn’t the commercial say anything about being “cured”? and2) what if this drug makes my immune system attack a healthy organ we can’t fix? He said “maybe it’ll be the first” and “ yeah, that wouldn’t be good.” I focused on being cured and the other was out of my control. I had to pray about that one.

You are definitely having to take on more fights than a lot of people have to face. You asked two questions that are definitely valid. However, I wouldn’t be focusing on those two questions. So many things have tried to take you out and you are still standing. That is something to be proud of. It makes you a very tough fighter. I would think your doctors see that as well and it looks like you have some good ones. You have a fight in you that is pretty amazing. You have to focus on what you can control and get help with the rest. You're doing that.👍❤️👏

I’ve always found telling my story can be somewhat therapeutic. You’ve been through things that a lot of people do not have to face. Maybe you can contact your cancer center and be a part of their patient awareness. There are patients all the time that need some inspiration. Your story is definitely inspirational. There are some cancer patients that are looking for reassurances all the time. Hearing stories about overcoming adversity and surviving can be very inspirational to these patients.

I do wish you the very best. Please feel free to send me a "chat" if you want to. I'm always available. I hope this gives you some encouragement, but I see you as a strong fighter with a tremendous story to tell.

Again, thanks for sharing,❤️

Tom

[MOLLYMILO007]

Sending you lots of hugs you poor girl had do so much to deal with ..you must be very strong keep on a positive mind can work wonders xx