Dreams

[HoHoHa]

I’m 78, on W&W, had CLL for five years. Keeping in mind that correlation does not equal causation, I’m wondering if others with have experienced a shift in the quality of their dreams since their CLL onset. Mine used to include people I knew, and have specific themes. They gave me some perspective on my daily waking life, and I was usually able to remember most of them in some detail. I attached a lot of importance to the insights they provided.

After the inception of CLL, my dreams changed dramatically. They’re usually filled with strangers, involve trying to accomplish specific, almost impossible tasks, and have a kind of science fiction quality about them. And I’m usually unable to remember them with any coherence - often just a few details that make no sense.

They aren’t nightmares. But how I miss the guidance and lucidity of the dreams I no longer have. Old age? CLL? I just don’t know. Anyone else experience this? Thanks.

[DebKat999]

Reading your question just now, the psychology student that still lives in me found it fascinating. I haven't personally experienced what you describe, but what an interesting post.

[CycleWonder]

I used to remember my dreams after waking. My husband never did. Now I might remember a few snippets for about 60 seconds; then whoosh, the dream has faded.

[AussieNeil Partner Administrator]

With respect of why this might happen with CLL, it's possible, but rare for CLL to cross the blood brain barrier. If it did cross, you'd be experiencing more than just a change in dreams! You'd also need treatment with small molecule drugs that can cross the blood brain barrier, such as one of the 'brutinibs' or venetoclax.

Neil

[Jamie_james]

yes, I saw a significant change in my dreams for a while too.

Some were incredibly banal and seemingly task based but I also had some of the most incredible, beautiful dreams of my life.

The latter nearly always had some sort of time loop element with what you might call a narrative of doing things again.

I asked the same question as you on a CLL facebook group and a few other people had experienced a similar change.

My guess would be - it’s the brain trying to make sense of the rollercoaster of emotions some of us go through shortly after diagnosis.

This lasted about four years for me. I sometimes try and Will myself to have some of the more fantastic ones again but I haven’t managed it yet!

[SoulSpy]

Really interesting. I'm in my mid 40s and I have very vivid dreams, long and complex like a movie. I remember them well too. I look to dreams to guide me in life. I was diagnosed with CLL 2 months ago. My dreams changed as I thought about having cancer within dreams and introduced myself to strangers in dreams as having cancer. I think this is because in the early days of diagnosis the word 'cancer' completely took over me and defined my identity. My dreams have now gone back to normal as I've started to accept the diagnosis and realise that cancer doesn't define who I am. Essentially I'm still little ol' me.

Best

Marie

[Kwenda]

Never had dreams, or known that I had dreamt, until I got older.

I put this down to the quality of sleep, which is known to become poorer as we get older.

Dick

[wellbeingwarrior]

pretty fascinating question.

I’ve always said I live two lives. The waking one and the rich one of dreams I was always fond of due to their depth.

The rich and adventurous dreams have disappeared and mostly I find myself now in frustrating situations that can’t resolve themselves.

How interesting.

[Sunfishjoy]

dream research psychologist here…occurs to me that the changes you are perceiving might be a reflection of your “self state” I.e. the deep unconscious way you are facing the unknown in life now that your mortality is threatened. I’m very impressed with your sensitivity and think your fine dream instrument is working well for you as you metabolize the dystopian cast our lives become when we face illness. I predict you’ll resume matter of fact dreaming one day soon. Dream on!

[Ladylin151]

Our dreams can change with our daily input. Have you changed the way you eat, drink or sleep? Are you taking any new supplements or medication? Are you getting necessary nutrients? Caffeine and alcohol are known disruptors of course, but anything could be the culprit.

[NaturalWaze]

Interesting! My dreams have not changed since CLL. Just wondering if the change is due to the trauma of the diagnosis rather than the CLL itself? Like, could your dreams be processing this diagnosis in a way that is not clear and coherent to you?

[HoHoHa]

Thank you to all for such insightful comments. As some have mentioned, the body can know something’s up before it’s conscious knowledge to us.

For forty years I’ve been proactive about my health (supplements, exercise, organic food, etc). Since my diagnosis I’ve not stopped researching things I might do to slow down or get rid of CLL: I bought a vibration plate, had supplement levels tested, renewed a meditation practice, etc. So in that sense the "impossible tasks" scenarios of my dreams do describe me personally (as Jammin_Me suggests they might). My thinking mind prods me to chase a way to control CLL: if I research enough, I might find a way to beat this.

But it’s beginning to sink in that I might be much better off simply accepting CLL into my life, allowing it to provide the invaluable lessons it carries, and not think about it so much until and unless I have to. And to eat well, exercise, and meditate because I want to, not because I feel I’m using them to fight an enemy.

As I’m gradually discovering, there are a lot of advantages to realizing I’m not mortal. It’s making me more sensitive to how I use my time and who I choose to be around. And to count blessings I never paid attention to: I’m still mobile, I have friends and a garden and a cat, I have access to medical help when I need it.

And I never would have entered this wonderful, supportive community had CLL not opened the door for me.

[craterlake in reply to HoHoHa]

hi HoHoHa ,,,,,,My thoughts exactly .👍🙏😊 .. blessings , james