I was diagnosed a number of years ago and luckily never needed any treatment till now. In the years between I was diagnosed with Cancer of the Oesophagus; after chemo and surgery 3 years ago I am still around to tell the tale.
Recently my CLL has acted up, at least that's what I call it. I am told I now need treatment which will be in the form of chemo. My consultant is reluctant to put me through this again and there is the risk of the cancer coming back if we do go ahead, but I now have to admit to feeling tired all the time. I bruise easy and have bad nose bleeds, my lymph nodes are growing bigger and the ones in my neck are particularly painful.
I am soon going back to the clinic where we fear they will say now is the time to act. They have made it clear that any decision will be mine and I don't know what to say, what can I expect if I decide to wait and not have chemo? I am not keen on going through that again, and the risk of the return of the cancer fills me with fear. I'm not sure which symptoms are the cll or which are because of the surgery I have had. I am still on fairly high doses of Morphine for pain, but sometimes it doesn't even touch the pain.
I am told I push myself to much; I returned to work 10 months after surgery. It was important to me, but recently its been a struggle. I am loathe to admit defeat, maybe I am just having a pity party and all these feelings will pass.
Does anyone have any advice or input? Can the pain from the nodes be controlled better in another way? This is the worst pain, it affects everything I do. I can't eat well because my stomach was removed, so pain on eating is a daily problem. At this moment I don't feel in control of my life, and I would like some of that control back. How do I get medical staff to understand without sounding like a complaining brat?