I am so happy one minute, then scared the next minute. Who knew that this time last week my baby would be diagnosed with Biliary Atresia. The hospital admission, test, and then Kasai surgery were all surreal. I can't believe it, didn't want to believe, cant even face it. Saddness, joy, dispair, anger, confussion, greif, denial, but most of all Hope. How could this happen, how could this be. Not my baby. Why my baby? Why? It doesnt matter why, who, what, when, where. It happened. To me, to you, to others. All I can do now is live day by day. I read the stories, and some bring me great Joy, then I continue reading and I have to say some give me Tears. I hurt, because I was so selfish. Living day to day, not having a care in the world. Thinking that I could not be touched by sadness. Looking at other families and saying thats not me. Not understanding the pain, that stregnth that any family with any type of event happens that changes their life and makes them understand what living is. I wasnt alive before. I am now alive. Because of my angel, who has to go through this. And she is strong, but sometimes Im not. Like right now. Then I think about Hope. She is here, we are here, you are here - and now we are forever linked by this. By this feeling of empathy of knowing what its like to have your precious gift fight.
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