My story

[Avidwalker]

Operation for BCC around eye in 2008. Second in 2010 and third (massive) op (Mohs surgery) taking away half my cheek flesh, lowerlid and nose which involved flap from forehead. The operation was exceptionally graphic and I used a lot of internal resources (mostly humour) to get me through. I have had around 10 further operations to try to build up my lower lid and allow my eye to shut. I was about to embark on what was probably going to be my final operation when they some the skin cancer on my upper lid.

I realised a while back that I was potentially suffering from PTS as I put a very brave face on it. To quote my own words "if I shed just one tear I dont think I'll ever stop".

I am now finding it very difficult not to feel depressed about the forthcoming Mohs (who knows how much skin they are going to take this time) even though I know I shouldn't live it twice.

Also, I am now starting to worry that it is in my other eye.

BTW, I'm no spring chicken, coming up for 62 but still finding this difficult because it's my face, my eyes, potentially my sight.

[user533]

hello avidwalker

wow... i dont know how brave you are . you are much more brave than me .

me , i struggled all my life about my face because i had a birthmark on my cheek and i had it removed and it took multiple surgeries to make it look 'normal'

i wish you the best. i know it isnt a spiritual forum, but i hope you keep faith that Jesus can heal you . maybe before you get that surgery.

i dont want you to go throught this. its so painful to have surgery on face .

im here if you need a friend

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador]

Sorry to hear how hard things have been for you. Wow, you're so incredibly brave!! I know how daunting surgery can be but I ensure you'll be in safe hands and the surgeon will do everything they can to help you! I hope things go well for you. Good luck😊

[DolaChangingFacesUK]

Hi Avidwalker, you sound like a real trooper! It's totally understandable to feel anxious about further surgery after all you've been through. I feel you when you say "if I shed just one tear I dont think I'll ever stop". 😢

It can be hard to let others in on your feelings, especially with the sense of humour that you clearly have. 😉 Even so, I wonder if there are any close friends or family members who might want to share your pain but feel 'locked out' because you're not opening up to them? Also, talking to your health professionals about your worries could mean that they become more empathic in the way that they treat their veteran patient. 😁

We're very happy to have you here on the forum Avidwalker, and wish you all the very best.

[Avidwalker in reply to DolaChangingFacesUK]

Hi and thanks for your reply. I have people (both friends and family) that I do talk to and confide in how I feel and I am aware that I did, previously, bottle my feelings so am trying to make sure that I dont make the same mistake again.

I have also spoken to my consultant about referral to a group for therapy and next week starting a six week mindfulness course (which couldn't have come at a better time). I want to put as many things in place this time as I know something of what I will be facing this time (excuse the pun) which, in a way, is worse. Am trying not to live it twice but unfortunately the brain is a very powerful tool and, as well as being very constructive can also be destructive.

I wanted to reach out to people that may be able to understand some of my feelings and also be able to potentially help others 😊

[MTTA]

I wish you all the luck Avidwalker.

[Gogo_go]

Sending good thoughts to you. Hope it all goes well. “If I shed just One tear I don’t think I’ll ever stop” is a really powerful sentence. You are brave and have a lot of strength