For Those Lovingly and Successfully Co-habitating Together Who Think They’ve Protected Themselves, Each Other and Their Beneficiaries

[FlowerPreciousLover]

I share this as a caution to any mature adults who may be contemplating whether to marry or not. My best friend of over 30 yrs passed away in June. When her beloved moved into her home, he kept his out-of-state residence and continued to lease it.

They were wise in making decisions...set up a joint bank account and also kept individual accounts; created wills which clearly spelled out their wishes for funerals, distributions, and inheritances and became a heart warming model of compatibility and mutual respect and generosity to others during their over 20 yrs of co-habitation. He has 5 supportive, loving children; she had one daughter who created pure hell and bedlam during her mom's final long illness and afterwards.

The huge mistake they made was in Not sending notarized, certified copies of their wills and estate plans to their children and instead of putting them in a bank deposit box, keeping their copies, along with other important legal documents, receipts and papers in a home safe which the daughter accessed and removed.

She not only destroyed her mom's most current will (the atty who drew the wills had died and any set he would have had was lost) but she additionally disrespected her mom's final wishes about burial, instead, creamating her mom and taking the ashes with her after a horrendously destructive 5 month reign of disruption, needless pain and anguish to both my friend, her guy, and the medical team, investment groups, banks, and others as she directed the lives of all concerned while in her mom's house.

She used a much earlier will, made before my friend and partner had even met, for probate. Upon consultation with an atty., the effort to establish common law in our state will be lengthy, expensive and her partner is deciding that at his advanced age, not worth the stress, delays and open war it would create once the daughter learned of any legal pursuit.

The latter will spelled out clearly that the partner would live as long as he wished in my friend's current home as owner and at the time he chose to leave or at his death, that residence would go to the daughter. It also provided specific investments be inherited by the daughter's two children along with other provisions. Had they created joint ownership of that residence, subsequent events would have been quite different.

The daughter presented the partner with a very complex house lease agreement with many strings attached.

I share this to impress on others who are co-habitating happily and thinking that they have covered the bases for future inheritances, etc. to be sure to safeguard your individual and joint rights legally and as you intend.

[sassy59]

What a very sad tale indeed and I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your dear friend. Things can become very complicated even when it shouldn’t be that way.

I hope your friends partner finds a way out of this complicated mess but I fear your friends daughter has a strong hold over him. Dreadful really but what can anyone do. Thank you for your post. If it helps just one couple that will be great. Xxx

[FredaE]

Whatever jurusdiction you live in , whatever country, you should not trust your partner's relations. They may mean it when they promise to look after your interests but after his/her death they can do a 180 degree turn within hours even of their death for no apparent reason. Aways protect yourself by legal means

[Hidden]

Hi FlowerPreciousLover,This is a really cautionary tale about how important it is not to place too much faith in anyone, even family, whenever finance and property are up for discussion.

What an awful heartache and worry for your friend. I can understand that maybe it's only possible to walk away from the whole mess, though I sincerely hope he can find a way forward with this.

FredaE and sassy59 have said just about all there is to say on the topic, but I just wanted to thank you for flagging this vexed subject up, because it is of great relevance to not only couples who opt to marry/co-habit, especially later in life, but for any of us who may well end up in a vulnerable position without sufficient safeguards in place. It's really necessary to tie up any loose ends before the catastrophe happens.

[FlowerPreciousLover in reply to Hidden]

So true, Callendersgal. Thank you, Sassy59 and FredaE for your responses and acknowledgements. Not a happy topic to be sure but all your observations are spot on and well worth consideration.

All who knew this couple wished only the best for them and wholeheartedly agreed that they deserved far better treatment than they received.

May sound terrible but my hope is that one day this cruel, disruptive daughter will become clearly aware of the needless unhappiness she's caused and that she will fully comprehend and long bear the consequences of her intentional, dismaying behavior.

The irony of this tale is that this daughter is the one who introduced them to each other. You would imagine that she would have been over joyed that her mom had found someone so fine to be her life partner. Instead, her jealousy and possessiveness ate her to the core.

Our friend is a remarkable person and we have confidence that once he gets past the realization (that was very slow in coming) of the harm she's done, he will move forward with much the same ease and grace he's lived his life until now.