Having lost my husband last December to Vascular Dementia after the illness lasting over 5 long years,i am finding life very difficult to comprehend and often just want to shut myself away and become isolated but I do know this is not a good idea,so I do go out with friends for lunch occasionally,but I cant wait to get home and I cannot even think of going out in the evening,in fact I dont care for driving very much,as David used to do all the driving when he was well. I nursed David at home for almost all those years and its left a terrible void.
Added to which I now have so many legal things to deal with and solicitors are not my favourite people,in fact in my opinion they are legalised thieves,but we have no option but to use them and all the paperwork reduces me to tears.
I dont sleep at all well,and I go to bed at such ridiculous times,often at 6pm and in and out of sleep all night. My doctor asked me how am I doing and I answered 'I would not kill myself but I wish I was dead' and he said that is a common reaction.
What does keep me on an even ish keel is our 3 little rescue dogs for they are my salvation,without them I would be lost. Grief is a terrible thing and we all approach it in different ways,but I must,and I will get through this.