Good morning everyone,
Preoccupied as we naturally all are with the problems connected with COVID-19, I thought for this Friday’s musing, I’d take the coronavirus topic off the menu for a short while.
Although it can’t be anything but uppermost in all our minds, there are still other challenges that go on regardless, and maybe it would be good to focus something else for a while, for a bit of a break. But before I move away from this most talked-about topic, may I just mention the new forum Positive Wellbeing for Self-isolators on HeathUnlocked. It's there for anyone who is self-isolated at home for any reason, who wants a bit of support and interaction with others, and we have a lively group of people as members. I see that some of you have taken a stroll over already, but if you haven't tried it out yet, do take a look.
But my question this morning is, how to proceed when a loved one with dementia doesn’t want anyone else to know?
I think it’s a moral dilemma versus a practical one.
I read an article about it a few weeks ago. It’s not something I’ve come across myself, but I do understand how reluctant some people might be, seeing it as a sort of social stigma, despite all the efforts society has made to ‘normalise’ the diagnosis,
I think most of the reluctance is possibly personal denial of the diagnosis, driven by a fear of what’s to come. If someone has shared their diagnosis with you and asks you to keep it confidential, how to proceed? Obviously we don't want to betray a confidence and upset the person concerned, but maybe it's better to try to reassure them that its not shameful in any way and most people at least now have a basic understanding of what dementia is, and that any decent person will not be judgmental.
In its early stages dementia probably can be hidden, but it must become more and more difficult, especially when you are in the role of Carer and have to provide for the person’s changing needs to keep them safe and well. Quite apart from anything else, others are going to draw their own conclusions as to what might be wrong when the effects of the dementia begin to make it clear that there is some kind of problem.
Even if you start out agreeing to keep silent, I’d think that eventually, you are probably are going to have to reveal this secret, and I think I’d rather work with the person in question to feel more comfortable about revealing the truth, than make a promise that it may be impossible to keep.
Perhaps there’s a middle ground in which you agree to say nothing initially, but can’t promise never to say anything.
It takes time for the diagnosis of anything serious to sink in. I know people who haven’t wanted to mention a cancer or mental health diagnosis, and I think there’s a long way to go before we reach a place in society where we feel can all be more open and comfortable about some diagnoses.
Has anyone had any experience of a request of this nature and found themselves in a dilemma, or what’s your opinion on how to deal with it?
Hoping everyone in the Care Community is managing to deal with the new reality of life amid coronavirus and I wish you all strength to deal with the challenges it’s throwing up, and I send you all good wishes in your efforts to stay safe and well.