Moving

[Daisy55]

I have a question , don’t know if anyone else has experienced this . I care for my husband who is Palliative . We private rent . I was considering sheltered accommodation for us both , before anything happens , as I won’t be able to afford here , and also whilst I care , to make the cleaning etc easier for me . But after thinking about it , perhaps it’s better to have a good declutter , stay here , and then re think it when things happen . I also don’t know if I would like sheltered accommodation when left on my own . Any thoughts?

[sassy59]

Hi Daisy, do you feel you need to make such a big decision right now? If yes then by all means look at what is out there in sheltered housing to rent. There’s a lot to consider, moving is stressful.

Try and do some research and take it from there. Good luck. Xxxx

[Bella395]

Hello Daisy55. You say that your husband is on palliative care but do you know how long he has left? What is his illness and what are his care needs at the moment? Will his care needs increase? How does your husband feel about a house move?

Obviously you have to make your own decision but my feeling is that it is not a good time to move house. This can be hard work and very stressful. Your energy will probably be needed to care for your husband. Will he be more comfortable spending his final days in his own surroundings? When he is no longer here, it can help to know that you did everything you could in those final months with nothing to distract you from just being together.

When we are facing difficult situations it can help to take one day at a time. Things will change when you are on your own but you don’t know what is going to happen so it might be helpful to put that out of your mind for now.

As for decluttering you can do this gradually but carefully. I don’t think it’s a good idea to do it too radically whilst you are upset. With regards to cleaning, could you employ someone? It took me a long time to decide to employ a cleaner but it was beneficial. The disability living allowance is given for the purpose of paying for help.

I am sorry that you are having a tough time right now. Please post back, particularly if we can be of help.

[Hidden]

Hi Daisy55

I can't add anything to the great replies you've had from both sassy59 and Bella395. So this is, more than anything, just an extra word of support.

If there's no real need to change things right now, then I wouldn't, and definitely not without carefully considering all the pros and cons. Take one day at a time, and I think the idea to start to de-clutter now is a really good one. You can do it gradually, before you reach a point where you may be under pressure to do it.

I'd also say don't get too worried about cleaning! Do what you are able to do, or, if it is a possibility, think of having some part time help from a cleaner. We are all great at placing extra burdens on ourselves when we have quite enough to do with the day to day care of someone else. I think that it would add extra stress to your life to try to move right now, unless you absolutely have to.

Please do as Bella395 has suggested and check back in with us to let us know how you are both doing, and in the meantime very best wishes.

[bluebell99]

I would definitely leave the decision to move until you are certain it is the best thing for you both or for yourself. By asking for advice it seems to me that you are not yet ready to make the change.

However it may be prudent to have a look as to what is out there. Some of the rented sheltered housing associations often have a long waiting list. If you find one you particularly like it can do no harm to go on the list, even if your name comes up before you are ready, you can delay.

It may be beneficial to have a good de clutter in the meantime, especially if you do it gradually and you are under no pressure to get it done in a rush when you do move.

Sheltered housing can be a good choice especially when there is a residents lounge, activities and the chance to make friends with people in the same situation. A good warden will also be able to advise and access benefits if you need them.

[Daisy55]

Thank you everyone for your sound advice . I have thought it all through and am going to stay put . I do not know how long my husband has , but should he depart , I will cross that bridge when I come to it , as I won’t be able to manage the rent here on my own . It has helped greatly talking to you all , as it has made me realise the things I value in my life , like my garden , and animals , I would not be happy in a flat . Thank you 😊

[Hidden]

Hi Daisy55, I'm glad you've come to your decision. I think your reasons for the one you've made are very sound and this will hopefully settle your mind for the next little while. I think it's really good to set out the pros and cons of any situation that would bring big change. It clears your mind so you can better see the things that are really important to you. Very best wishes going forward from here.

[Bella395]

Hello Daisy55 - thank you for getting back to us about your decision. It does seem to be the sensible option at the moment. I hope that your caring responsibilities are not too onerous and that you are coping. It is sad to witness your partner in life deteriorate. Are you getting support? I do hope so.

[lell1]

there is only one more stressful event that is higher than losing a loved one...and that is moving house! If it were me, I'd just do the move once. Declutter once, move once (unless you suddenly decide that the time has come to travel the world on a motor scooter!)