Do I move yet again?

[Jacki66]

Just over 2 years ago I put a post up regarding wanting to move back to Scotland because I felt the NHS was better, less people and various other reasons. We did move, 2 years ago and I am now regretting that decision sorely. We have absolute idiots for neighbours (going to shops in pyjamas types!) plus serious aggression by the male towards I and my disabled husband. I can't stand it anymore and now want to sell again and get back to the south of England. Does anyone else have a neighbour problem? Apparently 1 in 4 do have!

[Hidden]

Hi Jacki66,

I have ongoing issues with neighbours as I live in a 62 apartment complex within the boundaries of my home city. I don't so much mean conflict as much as dismay at the filthy habits of many of them when it comes to rubbish disposal, and unthinking selfishness over noise. There is also a transference of noise problem between the apartment above mine and my own and no matter what eggshells I tread on in trying to peacefully make a compromise between us, nothing works in the long term.

I don't have the option to move and maybe that's a good thing. If you get up and move every time there's a problem, I guess there's a danger that you are only going to butt up against yet other problem in your next location.

But for you I can see there's another issue which is whether or not to stay in Scotland or return to England. I'd say if it's that you'd prefer to be in England, go ahead, but it might be being unrealistic to expect that you'll get perfect neighbours if you move for just that reason. I don't think 'perfect' neighbours exist.

I'm 71 now and have had a very nomadic lifestyle, firstly as a member of the British Forces myself, then married into it, and then my Caribbean 'adventure' before finally moving back to UK and settling for the last phase of my life. I have to say that I have got on with the vast majority of my neighbours even if we haven't been firm friends. But I do agree that neighbours can be a cause of many an unexpected problem. And I can also acknowledge that I'm a neighbour too, and must therefore be a part of that problem.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but I'd suggest maybe giving yourself a time period to see if you can turn things around first. I do understand though that some people are born under a wandering star, especially given that I was too!

Very best wishes for your eventual decision.

[Jacki66 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the advice. I agree with 'born under a wandering star' but I have given this lot a chance for nearly 2 years and, I'm afraid, where there is rot there is rot if you know what I mean. Because it was a new build development, we could not know or predict who was going to move in after us and we have certainly drawn the short straw on this one. They are positively revolting and extremely unpleasant. He has even got physically aggressive and nevermind verbally aggressive with me! I cannot possibly continue on this road and have to move, I see it as a no choice situation. The police have been called umpteen times and they have been told not to even look in our direction, but now they get their mates to do it if you know what I mean. Terrible to live like this.

[FredaE]

Yes many people have neighbour trouble but like everything else, if it keeps happening you need to sort out why before you rush into moving again. If your pyjama shopping neighbours are the only ones like them then you may have been unlucky - if it is the norm for the neighbourhood then maybe you need to do your homework more thoroughly. You may have been over optimistic about being able to get the sort of neighbours you would be happy with for the money you were paying or you may have bought because of some feature you fell in love with like the view and did not look closely enough at the neighbours and ignored warning signs

Moving house is expensive and difficult. and you lose mega money if you keep moving.

Look closely at how you chose last time and whether and how you could have done things differently.

Then, and only then, search for what you need to see if it is possible and only then,make another move.. When you do, look carefullyand perhaps knock at the door and introduce yourselves... Then with your budget in mind, be realistic about what really matters to you. Aggression is never acceptable but not being properly dressed to go to the shops can be forgiven if they are friendly people. Good luck for the future

[Jacki66 in reply to FredaE]

You're right. It wasn't just the pyjama brigade thingy though. It is a lot more daily harassment than this. I have a 41-page diary and it still continues. The other side of them can't stand them either, but we get it the most because he sees us as vulnerable (disabled man and carer) and is too cowardly to pick on the other side's partner for the size of him. Very difficult situation but it is becoming unbearable and because they've literally scraped together to be in this area, they have landed and are not going to change their rottenness I'm afraid. I see no alternative, but I certainly will never buy into a new build area again where you haven't a clue how it's going to pan out. At least with an established area, we have a small chance and yes, I will be knocking on doors and sussing the neighbourhood out in a big way.

[FredaE in reply to Jacki66]

Sounds dreadful NHS is in trouble everywhere. I have left Herts. where my GP practice has just had its second amalgamation and takes 4 weeks for an ordinary appointment unless you want to accept a strange doctor in a town 5 miles away.. Thats another one to check out.

Best of luck.

[Lynd]

My sister had lived in her property for several years. However next door is a now inhabited by all night party people.

She has asked several times for them to consider her need to sleep but they don't change. So the point is it can happen anywhere.

Are you over 55?

You can get apartments for older people, less likely to be trouble. Bit pricey some of them though.

I get itchy feet, managed 10 years here which is a miracle.

My problem is it is so nice here it's hard to top it.

I am thinking the answer for us is to buy a static caravan. We had one for many years and enjoyed it. It just might solve it for me. A change of scenery.

Your situation sounds very miserable. Give a lot of thought to what you really want. I wish you well whatever you decide.

[Jacki66 in reply to Lynd]

No, I'm 53 and my husband is 51.

[Emma2017]

We lived here for a long time and always had good neighbours. But the latest lot that moved in next door just over a year ago are completely selfish brain dead wacko’s. They play their music stupidly loud, when they cut their hedge it has to be done with music over the noise of the hedge trimmer or washing the car has to be done with music at the loudest setting. A nice day is now ruined by selfish aggressive loud music. It’s just shite and we are wanting to move. I think with all the political correctness and no ethics being taught at schools anymore society has not got any better over the years. This kind of behaviour was just unheard before.

[Jacki66 in reply to Emma2017]

I agree with you. Absolutely no manners and a “me, me, me” society.

[Carer0]

I can empathise completely Jacki66. We had great neighbours; who were elderly; and after about 10 years of us moving here they had both passed away - just as the recession had hit its rock bottom and house prices were at an all-time low. Combined with the fact that the house had never been renovated since they moved in when first built back in the 60s, it meant that it was sold for an incredibly low price - completely out of whack with the rest of the cul-de-sac. Anyway, it was bought by some fella for his daughter (who presumably couldn't get a mortgage on her own - even for the knock down price) and he renovated it and she moved in. Right from the word go we started having all these problems that we had never encountered in all the time that we had lived here. Father and daughter would just pull up in front of our drive and block us in and out. I was going to a very important meeting for work one morning and was rushing around on the last minute as usual. Once I had got dressed and ready to leave I opened the bedroom curtains to find a lorry parked across the drive with him and a friend unloading a fitted kitchen. When I told him to move it it and said that it was disgusting that they were continually doing this, he looked at me as if I was the most unreasonable person in the world and actually said, "Well we've got to park it somewhere". This is the mentality you're dealing with all the time - people who ostensibly appear normal, but don't know how to to behave in anything approaching a normal, civilised manner. Surprise surprise, the daughter was just as bad - basically living like a student with friends all arriving in different cars, parking across our drive and generally being loud and obnoxious - but the worst was yet to come. She seemed to always be 'dating'. A new car would arrive, parked across our drive most of the time; and it would be some new 'boyfriend'. They'd always last about 3 weeks then suddenly disappear. Then a few weeks later it would be somebody else and the process would repeat. Anyway, one day some absolute oaf started appearing and lasted beyond the usual 3-week period too. 2 months later and he'd moved in. Then they got a mortgage together and bought father out (at cost price because I had a nosy on the Land Registry). The oaf came round here one day asking about us paying towards replacing the fence, which didn't need doing seeing as I'd paid to have it completely replaced only 2 years earlier. He was giving it all 'my house this' and 'my house that' hence the reason that I twigged they'd bought father out. Meanwhile, father - who was never away from the place - was visiting less and less frequently and now - 4 years later - has been barely seen for about 2 years (even a moron like him probably can't bear to see his daughter with an even bigger imbecile, though they are married with a kid now so I suppose he has to get used to it...lol...and got his karma into the bargain). The oaf who lives next door though is in the hot tub in summer, shouting in and out of the house - generally being loud and obnoxious - him and his mates throwing their beer bottles over the fence onto the fields at the back or throwing them into the recycling bin and cheering as they smash in. Playing dance music loudly. He's had an enormous summer house erected where he generally loons about with his friends in his man cave. I honestly literally think that he has got a mental disorder. We had to get the police out after it kicked off about the parking. It kicked off again when he was flying his drone over our garden and up at my mum's bedroom window. They have made living in this once idyllic place an absolute nightmare. And the 'woman' (more like a daddy's princess child) is one of these wet, soppy voiced types who just giggles at his loutish behaviour. How desperate do you have to be as a woman to let an oaf like that into your home and your life - all for the sake of someone to be with? There are are loads more instances I could tell you about - but you get the gist. I will say though that I also understand what you mean about getting other people to try to imtimidate you. Their cleaner of all people tried it with us. She parked her car across our drive and refused to move it when asked - even though I told her that we were expecting 2 ambulances to drop my mum off at any moment. Her parting shot was, "I feel sorry for them having to live next door to you". The issue now is that it is creating a lot of tension and arguments between me and my husband because he says that I've got to stop obsessing about it. The problem is that I can't stop running the uniquely unfortunate chain of events through my mind that have led to having these type of people next door and - if I'm being honest - feeling a bit sorry for myself over what absolute rotten luck it is for us. It sounds like you're being snobby, but I totally agree with you you that you live in a certain area in a house in a certain price band and you expect to live amongst decent people, but let my story be a warning to you that something can always come along; like it has done for us; and blow that theory completely out of the water. I hope it's made you feel a bit better hearing that there are other people going through the same thing as you because you really are not alone. You sound like you would be ideal neighbours for us actually. You don't fancy moving to Paignton in Devon do you? We can buy some land and build a couple of houses next door to each other. Lol 😁.

[Jacki66]

I would love to! Seriously.

[Carer0 in reply to Jacki66]

Hold fire then Jacki66. 👍 And in the meantime just let it all wash over you, which is what I'm going to do until our house is finished because I know it's not going to be for much longer. 🙂

[Jacki66 in reply to Carer0]

And if we move and I have yet another trampoline bashing against our fence as and when it suits them, I would lose the will to live!

[Carer0 in reply to Jacki66]

We don't and never will have a trampoline 😉

[Jacki66 in reply to Carer0]

They are hideous and a totally selfish pastime that only benefits the users and nobody else around them. I have never lived like this and I will make sure that I never do again! Fed up with it all. The law needs to be changed on these rotten oafs. Trampolines should be made to hold position in the MIDDLE OF THEIR OWN GARDENS AND NOT ON THE BOUNDARIES.

[Carer0 in reply to Jacki66]

We're singing from the same hymn sheet. They always put them right in the corner of the garden to make them less obtrusive for themselves, but provide maximum displeasure for others. Like we've said...totally selfish. It is something you can contact the local council about. Everyone has the right to their privacy, so if it does impinge on yours, e.g. they are overly loud and popping their heads over the fence then you've got a case. Either that or just plant a few strategically placed evergreens - or get them in tubs if planting isn't practical -and focus on knowing it won't be forever. It all depends on the child/children as well...some of them are more shouty, screamy and cry-ey than others aren't they?!!

[Jacki66 in reply to Carer0]

I agree with you. They do jump and peer over and I have even had adult male doing exactly the same! I have been down the whole council reporting route and I think because we own our properties they don't care really. Our council is useless and won't look at it from a harassment or an anti social behaviour viewpoint despite a lawyer stating it is just that! They're the worst people I have ever lived next door to and I have lived in various countries around the world. Vile and filthy is the word that covers it. They have bullied my husband and I for nearly 2 years and I really have come to the end of my tether.

[Carer0]

That's awful Jacki66. As for the council... I'd be telling them that you are now reporting them to your local Councillor and MP and do just that. It doesn't have to be lots of hassle...just an email stating that you and your disabled husband are being purposely intimidated by your neighbours and that you've reported incidents involving invasion of privacy via trampoline to the Council and they have completely ignored you. It's weird how much your neighbour sounds like ours...then again, maybe not - I guess it's fairly common now to find these idiots everywhere 🤷. I call them the 'Jackass generation' - if you've never heard of this TV and film franchise just Google it and all will become clear. Johnny Knoxville has a lot to answer for!

[Jacki66]

I have involved my MSP (Scotland) and the local councillors. They are too lily livered to be tackling him because they "can be accused of harassment". Nevermind that we are subjected to it on a daily basis and they are paid to do just that! I think this lot know it too because they take everything to the very limit where they can't be tipped over into a category if you know what I mean. I just have to move again, simple as that. I cannot live like this forever.

[Bella395 in reply to Jacki66]

If your property is rented then moving would be quite straightforward. However, if you are owner occupiers then there might be problems if you have to declare an ongoing neighbour dispute. Now that you have involved the statutory bodies you cannot claim that you were unaware of the issues. The law might be different in Scotland but here is some general information: problemneighbours.co.uk/wha...

[ooopspossum]

Hi. I've read your story and I have to say that is no way to live. All I can say is that I advise you to move. I myself have lived in certain areas that I did not feel comfortable in - I was not getting harassed, but it simply did not feel safe and I was not happy walking home in that area. It truly does affect the quality of life. Especially since you are going through constant harassment, I think that the best choice is to move and settle down somewhere where you feel safe and like what surrounds you.

[Jacki66]

Thanks for both of the last messages and for the useful link. The link is applicable to England, but interesting regardless. I have already contacted the solicitor we used to buy and will use to sell. There are 3 criteria required in Scotland and none of this falls within them fortunately. I will take his advice and move as soon as we possibly can. This is a dreadful situation to be in and one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy