Am I being a bully?

[fallen_leaf]

I feel like I am being bullied by the doctors and case manager and just the way things are here about my aunt moving to hospice. I wonder if I am in turn bullying my uncle and dad. They the hospital and case manager and doctor make t seem like we have no choice yet they keep asking me what we want to do. My uncle wants to blow his little bit of savings to keep my aunt where she is but it’s not like they want her there any longer anyways. Why do they keep asking what we want to do? What choice do we have? My friend said ask for medical records and get a second opinion. I’m just told it’s up to my aunt now to get better (or worse) and why is this falling on me? I have painful plantar fasciitis and two little girls and supposedly work. And my dad (my aunts brother) keeps leaving my mom alone when she shouldn’t be and today she fell and had to wait for him to get back to help her up.

[Hidden]

Hi fallen_leaf,

You sound very stressed with all of this, and I'm not surprised. As if the situation itself isn't bad enough, there's the whole family dynamic to cope with. But someone had to take the lead and manage things, and you've stepped up to the plate to do that.

The problem with what may turn out to be end of life care, is that it's a very emotional thing and it takes someone strong to try to pull everyone together. Otherwise everyone wants to add their own opinions and wishes and the end result is disagreements and inaction.

Just stand firm because you are right. There really aren't any choices. It must seem unfair that this has all fallen on you, but it's happened because you are, underneath it all, the strong one.

So try to stick to your guns to do what you consider best, (and really the only thing for your aunt at this stage, as you say). I'd be thinking of saying "thank you very much for your suggestion but I'm putting my foot down so that my aunt doesn't suffer unnecessarily".

So comfort yourself with the knowledge that you are being strong for your aunt, which is what's necessary here.

It's a very unhappy time for you all, but just tell yourself that you are just doing the best you can in trying circumstances.

Very best wishes.

[sassy59]

I totally agree with Callendersgal’s reply to you and maybe next time you’re asked “what do you want to do” just reply “what choice do I have?”

You’re doing your very best for everyone and they are all lucky to have you.

Please take care of you too. Xxxx

[Hellebelle]

So sorry you are having all this stress. It sounds as if no one in your family want to make the decisions but someone has to make them.

The focus should be what is best for your aunt and what would enable her to be more comfortable.

I wish you all the very best and please do not forget to look after yourself.