What comes next ?

[Polly4acre]

My husband, over the past 18 months, has gone from mild forgetfulness to very forgetful, muddled words to real spells of confusion, I have to guess what he means when he speaks, translate as best I can to other people, and he becomes fixated about certain things. I have to coax him to eat at midday, produce drinks as he says he is not thirsty.When he wakes he doesn't know what he is meant to do or really where he is. Every day is the lost hearing aid, or bottom denture, glasses etc. He needs to know where I am most of the time. He has been assessed by our GP who wanted another blood test followed by an appointment for the Memory Doctor to make a home visit. Who would this be? Receptionists don't know. Can anyone help withis please? I have COPD, Osteoarthritis, Over active Thyroid and feel at the end of my rope really. Polly X

[sassy59]

Hi Polly, when is the memory person meant to visit? It could be a mental health Doctor perhaps but all a bit vague.

Your husband needs to be helped as you both need to know where you stand. It’s all too stressful. Please push for help and don’t take no for an answer. Xxxx

[silverjay04]

Hi, Memory doctor should give you a diagnosis. Once you have this it will point the direction for getting help etc. Been here, so if you want to contact me when you have seen the doc please do. Good wishes.

[Polly4acre in reply to silverjay04]

Thanks for that, silverjay, I will have to wait until the GP phones if anything is discovered in the last blood test. I worked for years in the Care of the Elderly Unit,loved my work for the NHS. But I could go home after shifts, thinking I understood all forms of dementia.......Wrong !! Now, sadly, I wish I didn't live here so that I could go home, how shallow is that? Polly X

[Bella395]

Hello Polly4acre. I can’t help you specifically but I am in a similar situation. My OH has many other serious illnesses too. Like you, I need to know where this is going and he is to be seen at the memory clinic with a CT scan to follow.

You can’t realistically manage this alone. His care needs will increase. Social Services can give you a carers assessment and you could ask for support in the home. However, you will still be left with the responsibilities 24/7. Sad times but perhaps it’s time to sit down with your family and discuss your options.

[Hidden]

Hi Polly, I remember some of your previous posts and am sorry you are now having to seek a diagnosis for your husband’s increasing forgetfulness.

We are just at the end of this process with my brother in law and the procedure to diagnosis is probably going to be pretty similar wherever you live.

At his hospital appointment he’ll get further memory tests, possibly more blood tests, a consultation in which his symptoms will be examined with a view to deciding on what type of dementia he may be suffering from, and very likely a head scan after which a diagnosis will be able to be given. At that time you’ll probably be offered a home consultation about what help is going to be necessary or desirable, and that can be provided for you.

I’d advise that you mention your own health challenges and needs at every stage as that can be added to his medical notes from the inception so there’s no doubt that it isn’t going to be simple for you to always meet his needs.

Try to accept that this is happening and won’t go away, but try to accept the point your husband is currently at, without feeling that everything is hopeless, because it really isn’t. It’s not an easy thing to have to cope with but there’s lots that can be done to help him, and you too, throughout the progress of his illness.

With very best wishes and do keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

[Polly4acre]

Thanks for that, Calendersgal, We have just had our 60th Anniversary so I would want to keep him at home as long as possible, I feel that I owe him this kind of loyalty.I hope that he will not have gone past any help. Polly X

[Jacki66 in reply to Polly4acre]

I think your comment here is lovely. It's so nice to hear people caring about their spouses and wanting to take care of them. Well done, highly commendable.

[JanettePearson]

You must let the doctors know how much you are struggling. Tell them again and again if necessary as all the time they think you are coping they will leave you alone. Also please contact Social Services adult care for an urgent assessment and stress to them how urgent it is. They should be able to help you and offer you support. Don't give up as help is out there but sometimes you have to fight for it. The symptoms you describe are quite typical and things are not going to get any easier for both of you but you must look after yourself too and accept as much help as you can from anybody that offers. I helped with my sister for 12 years. She had early onset Alzheimers and her husband told the consultant he was not leaving his office until he got some answers as the diagnosis took so long!!! I now care for my mum and it's not easy and my health has suffered badly but support is out there for carers too. Take care and good luck.

[Hellebelle]

You have had some excellent advice that i can't really add to but I wish you all the very best in getting help. I think you really need to stress that you can't carry on any more the way it is. If you don't stress this, the powers that be will be only to happy to leave you to cope. Sometimes you really need to tell it as it is. It isn't about you being selfish or uncaring. It is about being realistic. Wishing you luck. Helen x