Dementia & Alzheimer's: My husband wanders... - Care Community

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Dementia & Alzheimer's

S0ph1e
S0ph1e

My husband wanders off either several times daily or as he has today - gone missing for many hrs. It's 9pm now l don't know where he is & he can't use a phone, what shd l do? I'm afraid he won't get home one of these nites.

30 Replies
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Ring 999 if in the UK, tell them of your husband's situation, I've got everything crossed for you both x

What happens if you try to stop him? This doesn't sound like a safe thing for your husband to be doing. Where does he go, do you know? I hopeyour husband returns safely. Can you have a word with your doctor about this issue.

Karen

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to klr31

I'm not legally allowed to prevent him, sometimes he tells me where he plans to go but often it changes. I have called police search parties out in the past & even had helicopter on standby. Social services says we can't have any help & his family don't want to know so there's just me. He was brought home by paramedics last wk. It gets dark & cold early now & it's such a worry but he gets on buses & doesn't know where they r going

Marie_R_
Marie_R_ in reply to S0ph1e

Hello..Maybe getting a Tracker would help & lesson your worry.Google Unfogettable..and request a catalogue..They have choices on many items like small tracking devices.Good luck.

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to Marie_R_

Many thanks

Hidden
Hidden

I know just how you are feeling, my husband has done the same (although not recently, thank heaven). Definitely phone the police, as a vulnerable person he should get priority help.

You must get some sort of tracker for him, our 'lifeline' service provides these, phone social services and see where you can get one. They have GPS and you can find out his whereabouts by looking on your computer. Also, make sure he has identification on him at all times. Does he carry a wallet or similar? If so, put a note in there explaining his condition and your phone number so anyone finding him confused will be able to find out where he lives.

Also, do you carry a Carers Card? This would let people know that you have left someone vulnerable at home if you had an accident. Available from Care for the Carers.

Hope he gets home safely. Do let us know.

Jan

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to Hidden

The police have teams out searching for my husband but we have no idea where to start. Thank u for ur support. All l can do is sit & wait hopefully for good news.

Why can't social services offer help? Have you tried your local Alzheimer's society and/or are there Admiral nurses in your area? I would speak to your doctor about your concerns too and tell him how this is affecting your health. There are carers organisations out there which might be able to offer advice.

Karen

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to klr31

Our GP is aware of things particularly my health as he has helped me through two lots of cancer already but social services refuse to help cos l can't afford to pay for sitters etc & GPS require a monitoring service which is costly. The police are now looking for him. My thanks for ur responses, l usually have to go through this alone

Hidden
Hidden in reply to S0ph1e

The GPS tracker my husband had was not very expensive. We have a 'lifeline' service at home which is £2.85 a week and there are various 'add- ons' to this service which could help you. It also has a service which could help if you need to go out. I can ask them to contact my husband during the time I am gone, as often as I need. they can call him every 15 mins if needed so I would know very quickly if he was missing. Maybe a keypad on your doors would work so that he couldn't get out without knowing the code?

Mydexter
Mydexter in reply to S0ph1e

It's unbelievable that social services can't help you, have you had an assessment done for you husband, you can't carry on like this, hope everything will be ok.

So sorry about this Sophie. I hope your husband has been found and is brought back to you safe and well. I should think the GP might be able to help you two and also other organizations locally who can offer advice and support for you and your husband right now. (((hugs))) xxx

I thought social services helped if you don't have the money to pay for services? Have you looked into or asked about respite care? It sounds like you could do with a break. I hope your husband returned safely.

Karen

chadd
chadd in reply to klr31

Karen I understand why you feel that social services do not offer help they can help with assessing a person if they are referred to them but they are. so have to adhere to certain rules and regulations that are designed to protect vulnerable adults I have expereince and knowledge of these rules and regulations and they have to be careful not to break the rules of regarding DOLS deprevasion of liberties safeguards this refers to allowing a person to have autonomy to make choices for themselves unless they are/or have been identified as having the capacity to make decisions for themselves and this can only be established by health professionals including the person's G.P and other involved in the care of the person before any action can an be taken this is to prevent abuse of the person if they are clssed as vulnerable .

Chadd

Mydexter
Mydexter in reply to chadd

Unfortunately the social services mantra is often, "lessons will be learnt" after some dreadful event 👎 Rules don't help when someone is suffering like this poor family, and as usual the police have to pick up the pieces when it's not really their job

chadd
chadd in reply to Mydexter

The reason why social services seem not to help the people who, need the help,is not with the organisation but the training that staff have is sometimes I adequate and therefore the staff do not do their job properly and sometimes the buck get passed on to someone else and consequently nothing seems to be done until it is too late.

Chadd

Mydexter
Mydexter in reply to chadd

Very interesting, but not very helpful to anyone suffering like SOphie. and her family

Hi Sophie, here is a phone number for the Alzheimer's Society 0330 333 0804 they are very good to contact for advice and should be able to refer you to someone or some organisation local to you to offer you some help and support I wish you well, chadd, 😊 keep smiling

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to chadd

Most grateful for all responses. I'm afraid he has gone again 10am this morning & no sign of him. I don't know where to start. I wish there was a solution it's heart breaking just waiting & hoping.

chadd
chadd in reply to S0ph1e

The only thing you can do is contact the police stating that a vulnerable adults has gone missing, if possible tell them what he was wearing and where he has tried to go before they should be able to offer you help and support, you may also need to provide any information regarding the state of health of your husband a disturbed any medication he needs if applicable all this will help police to know exactly what token expect when he is found, good luck, please let me know how you get on, a concerned human being, Chadd

Mydexter
Mydexter in reply to chadd

I think if you read this ladies earlier posts that she does what you say on a regular basis, thank goodness for the police, the care of mental health patients in this Country is appalling.

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to Mydexter

Just called Alzheimer's no. Out of hrs so advised to call tomorrow which doesn't help me now. Good job he's managed to get home now.

Mydexter
Mydexter in reply to S0ph1e

So glad to hear your husband is home now, do ring tomorrow , hopefully they can help you both, take care of yourself, my thoughts are with you

Philip
Philip in reply to S0ph1e

Is he back home now?

Have you had any thoughts about some sort of tracker device yet

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to Philip

No he isn't home yet & yes he needs a tracker as he can't use a phone & wouldn't ask for help. We have very limited funds so it wd need to be something l can track not an agency. He travels quite a long way too.

I'm so sorry you have had such a distressing time. I see in the posts below the GPS trackers have been mentioned which are an excellent idea

I do suggest calling social services and requesting a reassessment of your husbands needs, highlighting the current concerns about him leaving the home and how vulnerable he is. The police usually alertt social services when this type of situation arises so will be worth finding out if they have done so

The tracker may be available if he has an assessed need to keep him safe and they will advise on how that is to be funded and whether it's appropriate for him

S0ph1e
S0ph1e in reply to Lynn-Osborne

Yes the paramedics & the police have made strong suggestions for a tracker this time & during the past three yrs. Social services are dead, dumb & blind to my husband & his needs. The last social worker never even met him in the 6 months before she decided we had had enough of her precious time - he was in the next room but she wasn't interested. Others didn't even get as far as the house & one was such a bully & intimidating that l had to lock the gates to keep him out. We don't need that kind of help! Simple answers & a little compassion wd b helpful.

Unbelievable, did you manage to phone the Alzhemers society to see if they can help you? What part of the Country are you living by the way.

Tel Alzheimer's but told to contact local branch, tried to give brief details but didn't respond.

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