Caring for 90 year old mother: Hi All, I am... - Care Community

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Caring for 90 year old mother

malmue profile image
10 Replies

Hi All, I am malmue I was wondering if I would be entitled to any benefits as I look after my 90 year old mother. She needs constant attention as she has many problems. My husband cooks and serves all her meal to her.

I have epilepsy and therefore not allowed to drive. As my mum has lots of hospital appointments my husband, who is 70 has a lot of driving. to do now, which he finds stressful.

Last week we were obliged to sell our caravan as we can't leave her alone in our house. We don't have any other family members to help us get any break.

To simplify matters we got an en suite installed as she needs a lot of toilet time. We live in a small pensioner's bungalow and don't have much free space now.

I used to get benefits for my medical problems, bust these have all been removed last year. With both of us living on a pension finance is fairly tight now days

I would be grateful if someone could give me advice on whether I am entitled to carers allowance.

Regards Malmue

10 Replies
Bella395 profile image

Telephone your social services department and ask for a carers assessment. They will discuss benefits during the visit. You should be able to claim attendance allowance:

sassy59 profile image

Welcome malmue, good to meet you. As Bella395 says contact social services, or Age UK could be helpful. You are certainly entitled to receive benefits. Take care xxxx

MAS_Nurse profile image

Good evening Malmue and welcome to this caring community. Both Bella and Sassy have given you very sound advise. Also perhaps consider looking at the 'topics' and 'Pinned Posts' on your screen as they also give you information about the differing allowances that might apply to your situation and that of your Mum.

Good luck to you for the future and we would love you to keep in touch with this supportive community.

Age uk- Tel: 0800 055 6112. Open 8am - 7pm daily

CAB - (Citizen's Advice). - Various offices around the country Tel: 0345 404 0506.

MAS Nurse & Moderator.

malmue profile image

Apparently I cannot claim carers allowance because my mum is not claiming any benefit herself, it really sounds crazy but that's the way it is. Thanks all for your help, Malmue.

bantam12 profile image
bantam12 in reply to malmue

You should be able to get attendance allowance which is different to carers allowance.

Hi malmue,

You've had some great replies already and there's nothing more I could add to those. I'd say that certainly you ought to be able to receive some financial help for the challenges you have in caring for your mum.

So, as one of this group's ambassadors, I'd like to just welcome you to the forum and I hope we've been of help to you.

I hope you are successful with your eventual application, and please do come back and join us again, even if only to let us know how you are getting on.

annnewton1 profile image


I too look after a 90 year old mum. I share this responsibility with my sister who lives 20 mins drive away.

Mam had a stroke three years ago which left her unable to walk without an aid. Prior to that she was a fit person for her age and lived a very full independent life. I followed the advice given to me by our GP and arranged a full health assessment in the home. Mam lives 5 minutes from my house in a small two bedroom bungalow overlooking a beautiful garden. She loves living there and would never consider moving into my house or a Caring Home for the Elderly. Mam needs help with 95% of her daily activities. I left work to do this although I was able to retire with a teachers pension.

The local authority in Tyne and Wear, were marvellous. The home was fully assessed and modified to meet my mother’s needs. A large fully equipped walk in shower was installed after the removal of the bath. Handrails and a special high level toilet installed. The bedroom was changed around and a bed with lowering guards installed. Special chairs etc etc were given. Everything was considered to make mams life easier. As a result she is vey comfortable. The council make annual visits to the house, arranged through me, to see if she still meets the criteria of need, and of course mam does. She was financially assessed too and it was found that because her savings are less than £10,000, she can receive the highest financial help with Carers costs etc. Carers could come out a few times a day but mam does not want that because she has Family to do that. I did however insist that a carer helps mam for 30 mins each morning assisting her with washing/dressing and being seated comfortably with a early morning cuppa/ breakfast, and each evening tucking her into bed and lights off. I then, with my sisters help, fill in the gaps during the day. We have a brother who lives abroad and who visits regularly (once every 6 weeks) and stays with mam. Mam has regular phonecalls from most of her 12 grandchildren. She now has 9 great grandchildren and occasionally sees them.

I arranged a cleaner who comes to the house once a fortnight. My sister and I do light cleaning on a daily basis. We see to all shopping and food preparation, clothes cleaning etc etc.

My sister applied for and received a Carers Allowance and mam receives an Attendance Allowance. Mam also receives a Widows Pension, her own State Pension and Dad’s Work Pension which continued after his death 25 years ago. Mam is therefore financially comfortable and can afford anything she wants. I make sure she gets to visit my home often, when she wants to, and she loves to visit the seaside ( 15 mins in car), for a push along the promenade in her comfortable wheelchair. Putting aside a little pain and discomfort when she moves, and loneliness , mam lives a really good life thanks to the State. I’m so pleased we live in England and not in other countries that do not care for their elderly. Mam is happy. I make sure she has everything she needs.

SquirrelsHolt profile image
SquirrelsHolt in reply to annnewton1

Thank you for your very personal account of your mothers life and how you have managed as a family to keep her in love and comfort. A truly uplifting read,so thank you again. My 86 year old mum who has severe dementia has had a very big stroke over the weekend and its comforting to know that it is possible for their lives to continue,all be it maybe structured differently. She and dad have been in a care home due to falls previously at the family home and a broken pelvis and lots more. Difficult times ahead but my son and I will manage,day by day.

helen15 profile image

Hi Malmute,

I looked after my Dad who just died on 25/01/2019 I got help from social services to get electric bed, alarm system, grab rails etc, also through Age Uk they did home visit and filled in all the forms and got Dad over £80 a week attendance Allowance, to help pay for extra help or taxis or whatever he wanted. They also got me Carers allowance at over£60 a week , they did all the forms as they know how to fill them in as can be very daunting! Give them ago you will get what you need a lot of older people don’t realise most are entitled to attendance allowance as this is not a means tested benefits there are thousands who should get it but don’t know about it and don’t claim!

Good luck.

Is your mother in receipt of attendance allowance? .If so she should be on the higher allowance of £85 per week. You should check with Age UK. If you have lost some allowances and are not in receipt of state pension you could claim attendance allowance. Check Age UK

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