Hi My husband has Alzheimer’s and is an xbuilder.All that’s in his mind is changes to our Bungalow.It was fine when we bought it. He is starting and is not able to finish jobs so the Place is a bit of a mess.He also is a hoarder and outside looks like a very untidy builders yard.Any protests I make are met with verbal abuse about how bad I am .
Any suggestions would be welcome please.
Hi Stargate7,
My commiserations! I once had a husband, who, whilst he didn't have Alzheimer's, was overambitious as a do-it-yourselfer and left many projects botched or never finished. The effects can range from messy to downright dangerous and I can imagine how frustrated and annoyed you must feel.
It must be very challenging to try to deal with when there is Alzheimer's factored into the equation as well.
Luckily you are only meeting with verbal abuse at the moment and hard though that is to take, it's probably best to try to avoid any escalation to physical violence, as, sadly, that can happen in some cases of Alzheimer's, when trying to intervene doesn't go well.
So I'd advocate a softly-softly approach. Even if the end results aren't to your liking, I'd try to live with it all as best you can, unless there's anything actually dangerous to life and health orthat will endanger the safety of the building.
It's compromise, in other words. Try not to worry about what others think. You might be able to sneakily remove some of the hoarding, little by little, and to tidy behind him in some cases. Try to distract him from starting projects by steering him towards something else that will take his interest and say you'd like it put off until, for example, 'summer's over', 'after Christmas', or 'when the weather's better', anything really that will put him off the trail of getting started.
Unfortunately if he does become a danger, in the longer term you may have to consider his not remaining at home, but whilst you still can, just try to contain the situation for now.
But I do know how galling that is.
Very best wishes.
Oh how I sympathise. My house is full of 'bodged' jobs and things started but not finished. If you find an answer, please share it! It is so frustrating and I really feel for my sanity at times!
Jan
Hi Stargate 7,
Callendarsgal has given you some excellent advice. It really isn't easy in these situations, and I agree that trying to distract him or fob him off with something else may help. Maybe there's a hobby like making puzzles that might be helpful, something to distract his hands and his thoughts. I do empathise with you, but agree that as long as what's happening isn't dangerous then maybe you just go with the flow is now. Folks here are very understanding many of been where you are so don't feel you are alone in this and do ask, and share how you feeling, because there's a wealth of knowledge and experience.
Best wishes,
MAS Nurse and Moderator
I have been living with this for the last year.It drives me to distraction !My husband saws.chisels,hammers .measures etc from after breakfast until about 8pm often falling asleep with his head on the "thing " he has been making for the last few months.I don,t know what it is and I don.t think he knows !It is sad but I'm afraid I just try and ignore him otherwise I'd go completely mad !
By the way distraction doesn't work .
This is very common in someone with Alzheimer's. They lose the insight into realising what they are doing can be dangerous and very annoying. It is also very common for people to become obsessed by carrying out the job they used to do. It was their identity and provided meaning and purpose for their life. They lack the knowledge that they can no longer achieve what they used to be able to do automatically.
There are no easy answers I am afraid. As a previous person said, distraction quite often does not work or only works for a short time. If the person is safe using tools then there are men sheds throughout the country that will allow that person to make whatever they wish in the company of others. The Alzheimer's Society have advisers who might have other suggestions.
It is so important that you get some respite and that you are able to have some enjoyment in life to keep yourself sane. Sending lots of love to you.
Funnily enough he had a desk job---general manager of a power tool firm.He was never a "handy man " round the house either!! He has Parkinsons as well as Dementia.
I need respite but it is difficult.I am hoping to have a few days in March.I also go out with friends sometimes so life isn't too bad !
Many thanks to every one for the helpful comments.Much appreciated,,,
Interest helps or counting to 10 before you do anything as anticipation and calming down effect added.
I'm new here, how can I help a depressed loved one?
Well Where Do I START Or FINSH
