With Dementia Alzheimer’s You Get Over ONE ... - Care Community

Care Community
5,254 members1,573 posts

With Dementia Alzheimer’s You Get Over ONE Issues And Other JUST As Bad Raises Its Head.


Well things are deteriorating with my dad HIS lost is sight NOT eye 👁 related but dementia Alzheimer’s.

He can no longer manage getting in out car on is own with help SO hospitals appointment’s have been quite a issue but lucky for me have been sending cares to sit there all day with him GIVEN state of hospital transport.

Now dad’s lost ability to use spoon 🥄 fork AND is getting agitated frustrated.

Sure it’s hard for him BUT is just as hard for me mum WITH out the aggression attertude we are now subject to.

Things are getting lot harder not made any easer by my own health conditions SO don’t really know what future holds

18 Replies

That’s so sad JAS and what a terrible situation for all of you. Dementia is so cruel. You all need help but where is it?

Take care xxxxxx

Hidden in reply to sassy59

Hi sassy only saving grace as quick as nasty he forgets then is nice.

Just we don’t forget .. I think this stuff going on really EVERY min is hallucinating seeing stuff that’s not there AND as moments of living in his past.

sassy59Ambassador in reply to Hidden

Yes Petes mum does that and was sectioned a few weeks back but she’s had a drug change so was ok last time I saw her. I totally sympathise with you and your family. Xxxx

Hidden in reply to sassy59

Given dad’s heart stuff he can’t have any dementia Alzheimer’s drugs.

Some days he looks at me with fear in he’s eyes THATs more painfull to see than him forgetting who we are MY mum is know as that women now.

Is cruel Diease and just like it’s hard for us must be torture for suffer’s

sassy59Ambassador in reply to Hidden

All so very sad JAS. xx

Hidden in reply to sassy59

Is very sassy AND is been a good dad don’t deserve any of it really.

We have one GP and year back tried stopping all Is meds and antibiotics’s BIT of shipman I think.

My dad’s not dieing At hands of austerity and have thought tooth nail to try get him best care AND sad part is ITs never ending fight with no let up

sassy59Ambassador in reply to Hidden

That’s terrible. I’m glad your dad has you. Take care though. Xxx

Vonnieruth in reply to Hidden

There are plates you can get that are slanted with a lip in Bit like a shallow bowl We have them in the home I work Also try a coloured plate as white is one of the first colours dementia suffers loose.Perhaps cutlery with chunky handles might help your dad Try putting layers of cardboard round with tape to secure before you look to buy any if it works .Always try to remember and I know it's hard but it's the illness that is making dad's temperament change He to must feel frustrated and this is his way of venting his anger about how he feels I don't know if all medication which helps with his dementia cannot be taken Is he on memory tablet at all Perhaps he is in Apixaban to help reduce risk of stroke Some of my residents are on these but you would need to ask go Maybe as for a prn medication like trazadone or diazapam or lorazapam for when he becomes too unsettled Just to help relax him All this would need to be discussed with his doctor obviously

Sorry to hear your situation. I was just wondering if you are getting any help from community dementia nurses ( referral through your GP) who can help advise you on strategies to help with your dad's behaviour. Also Alzheimer's society also employ dementia advisers. Sorry if you already know about these but I thought it sounded like you need all the help available. It is so tough for carers. I wish you lots of strength to cope with all if this.

Hidden in reply to Hellebelle

Hi yer we had Alzheimer’s Nurse via Dementia uk

She told us best tricks but not one shoe fits all usually I just have brake n tea.

My dad can’t get worked up AS it’s no good for Is Heart n could have stroke.

Docs did ecg and it’s not right THINK dad’s on borres time ... some days think I am too.

Sleeping don’t think he likes sleeping much these days THINK I know why IS breathing is very staged when sleeping

So sorry to read things are getting progressively worse for your dad and for you. It's not the way we ever think life will treat us is it. The way the lack of care in the community is going,it seriously needs to be addressed. Can you imagine with an ageing population,just how badly things can possibly get in the very near future. Reading your posts its obvious that there's very little "care in the community" unless you have the ability to pay for it! Sad times for you and your Dad. I wish you all the best though.x

Hidden in reply to SquirrelsHolt

I doubt we will have nhs let alone community care in the future

DISTRICT nurse have been so un reliable it’s been shocking really.

GP’s ansers and Nurse’s is go hospital ... that’s there answer LIKE preventative medicine is like a dirty word especially WHEN the might have to do abit.

Needless to say that’s why carers going hospital with dad THEY can spend bit of his budget on something that will do us all good


This is so hard for you JeffAjaxSmith, as it is for every carer who watches a loved one deteriorating through advancing dementia. You've done such a great job for your dad and his life would have been so much harder if you hadn't stepped up to the plate and assisted in every way possible. And your mum's life too, as you say.

It's sad that aggression does become a feature of dementia and it can be very difficult to deal with. Your dad must be so frustrated and there's no consolation for him to have lost this little bit of control he had over his life, now gone.

You are so right to acknowledge that you don't really know what the future holds, but I hope you'll be able to take one day at a time and stay strong for him. Thinking of you.

Hidden in reply to Callendersgal

In early days agresion was only thing we knew till dad had stroke GIVEN memory issues obesesivness.

We went to gp’s for help and there answer was he would have to come see us ONLY help we got was when he cracked and police was called.

Makes you bit bitter had to go though mill to get help.

If only Dementia Alzheimer’s Help was as simple as no smoking 🚭 help.

SquirrelsHolt in reply to Hidden

Isn't that the saddest true blinking fact JAS...give up smoking and there's almost unlimited funds to help you but ask for help with dementia, etc and OMG where did the budget go.....down the plug hole?

Hello JeffAjaxSmith, As everyone says Jeff this is the hardest thing you , your Mum and family will have to watch. It is a very cruel disease and in lucid moments so frightening for your Dad. However you are doing excellently and the whole of this community is behind you and here for you. Sorry if I am repeating what has already been tried but have you contacted Mind, Age UK and all other organisations that maybe able to help? badger them again, the Community team should not let anyone down even if they are stretched. Ask for a multi disciplinary team meeting to discuss Dad's care to see if the is anything else they can offer. I have done this so I know it doesn't make you popular but you wish the best for your Dad.

Have you thought about respite care for Dad or Day Care so that you and your Mum can have a break as it is so exhausting looking after someone 24/7. Also did you know that the National Dementia (Alzheimers Society) has a helpline and support groups in the community. There maybe one near you so that taking with others in the same location as yourself they may have other areas of help you could try.

You are doing a sterling job, let us know how you are all getting on, we are all here for you.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse and Moderator.

Alzheimer's Society Dementia helpline: 0300 222 11 22. Mon-Wed 9am-8pm. Thurs-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat-Sun 10am-4pm.

Well Jeff we have been communicating for some time now , and I am sorry to hear your father has reached another stage in his Dementia, not being able to see just adds to your problem. Could you not try for more care if only to releive you and mum and he is entitled to patient transport if he will go in it of course. I admire your dedication but we all come to a stage where we have to say I need help badly. As usual all my best wishes to you hope you can find a solution.

Dementia is definitely a very cruel condition.

I don't have any magic answers and can only sympathise. Unfortunately you are very far from alone. I saw my grandmother struggle with my grandfather. I saw my grandmothers decline and now I'm struggling with my mothers decline - with some support from my brother. You really do need to make sure that you and your mother are taking care of yourselves and managing to get some respite. Being able to use a carer to accompany on hospital visits is a good move.

You may also like...