Memory book hints and tips chat about mum - Care Community

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Memory book hints and tips chat about mum

Afrohair
Afrohair

I’ve been told to do a memory book it’s been almost 4 year now shocking to even say my mums had it that long at such a young age she’s 54 now in that time I’ve not made a start on this memory book it’s coming to a point now where I’m starting to feel selfish or something I don’t know where these feelings I have are coming from but it’s a bit like I can’t be bothered!i love my mum to bits but this is all overwhelming to even think about I have 3 children my mum is independent so far but my life has been so busy these past years they told me to start as soon as she was diagnosed and I feel guilty for not even printing out one photo but have printed others of my family since to put on the wall why is it I can’t even print one of my mum to make a start I don’t know makes me really upset to think that bit of background of me is that I’ve been struggling with my own illness since age 33 now 34 last September I lost a baby everything has been so hard I got engaged now in process of postponing my wedding due to my own illness,nearly losing my job by looks of it other things have took over my life and I feel helpless what do I put in other than photos? what do I write ?

32 Replies
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Hidden
Hidden

You write anything that's in your heart. Also you may add pictures from magazine's of things she liked..like flowers, her horoscope sign, make notes inside.. I wrote a long good bye letter and buried it at my brother's grave which houses my grandparents also. It's yours and yours alone, correct? You must do things in your own time..not when others tell you to..when you're ready, you'll know. Everyone grieves differently..I strongly think you should tell them that you are not ready and they should start theirs. I lost my brother & cousin tragically in 1992 in a motorcycle accident..they both died on impact..it took me a year to come up for air.

I put together a memory book for myself, not anyone else. I put together a box as we with his name on it and filled it with things I found in his dresser..pennies, keychains..anything..this is your personal activity.. channeling your thoughts and feelings in a way to remember him..pictures..anything that reminds you of your mom is what your book and box (if you choose to)..on the days that are bad I allow myself to just bask in it, turn the phone on vibrate, bury my head (and still bury my head every morning) and lit my special candle..I would talk to him outloud if I was alone.

This is YOUR grief and you'll be ready when you're ready to do a memory book or any other way you want, if YOU choose to do it. You may not want to and that's okay. Others can make their own..there are no rules. Take care of you. I'm always here if you need anything to help you along if you choose..

I entered therapy also and from there was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Depression. I have panic attacks..I have an autoimmune disorder and am on disability so I no longer work..I have 2 dogs to love and keep company with and my husband works long hours and stinks at communicating. Therefore I rely on my Therapist who's really helpful as panic attacks returned about a year ago. I find meditate helps tremendously.

All my blessings..🙏💪🌹

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador in reply to Hidden

What a wonderful reply Gia7, thank you. Wishing you all the very best. Xxxx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to sassy59

Oh wow, what a nice compliment..thank you🤗...

You have a great weekend!

🤗💪🙏❤️🌈🌻

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador in reply to Hidden

You’re welcome. You have a great weekend too. Xxx 💐🌻👍🥰

Hidden
Hidden in reply to sassy59

Sending huge giant hugs your way..I love your name because I've been called short and sassy! We're you born in the summer? 🤗🤗🤗

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador in reply to Hidden

I was born two days before Christmas Gia but I am short. Lol. 😀💝

Hidden
Hidden in reply to sassy59

I am short and I was born in July 🌈🤗🌻🌹🎶

Afrohair
Afrohair in reply to Hidden

Sorry I should have expanded on my post my mum has dementia I’m told to make a memory book for when she loses it but you’ve mentioned some good ideas x

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Afrohair

That's okay I'm glad you got some ideas. I understand more now. Thank you for letting me know. If you were able to get any ideas them I'm so happy you did..I think I would respond the same.. anything that gives a little nudge on her memory should go in the book.

You are in my prayers 🙏🌻🙏

Afrohair
Afrohair in reply to Hidden

Thankyou x

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Afrohair

You are so welcome anytime my friend. This is a safe place. I only joined one week ago and it's exactly where I need to be and I feel like I'm not alone.

Thank you!🤗🤗

Afrohair
Afrohair in reply to Hidden

You won’t be alone here it’s helped me loads with my own illness and my mum lots of support when you have none elsewhere x

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Afrohair

There are people here who care very much. 🤗🌈🙏

Callendersgal
CallendersgalModerator in reply to Hidden

Such a lovely and helpful reply Gia7. Thanks for taking time to write such a comprehensive guide, as well as sharing your own personal challenges with us. Wishing you all the very best.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Callendersgal

Thank you.. just trying to help other's.

My blessings to you!

Callendersgal
CallendersgalModerator in reply to Hidden

And to you Gia7. You certainly are a valuable member of our group. x

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Callendersgal

You are very kind and sweet. 🤗🌈

Thank you and Callendersgal same to you! 🌻

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador

Hi Afrohair, you’ve had a wonderful, heartfelt reply from Gia7 and I would agree that you should do the memory book as and when you feel ready. Take your time and think about what you’d like the book to contain.

I hope you’re mum does as well as she can for as long as possible. I feel for you all. Lots of love. Xxxx

Afrohair
Afrohair in reply to sassy59

I just feel pressure as carer said soon as she got it I should start so I can show it her when she forgets things

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador in reply to Afrohair

Please don’t feel pressured. Find some lovely photos and write beneath them, pictures that your mum can relate to, old postcards perhaps too. Even an item of clothing, a favourite scarf, gloves, a small item of jewellery. Many with dementia have a good long term memory so older items would be good. It’s not something we did for my late mother in law as she wasn’t interested in very much. Your mum being much younger could be different though.

I hope you’re getting support. Xxxx

Afrohair
Afrohair in reply to sassy59

We just don’t know how her memory will be in these cases that’s the thing I know she has her photo albums which she keeps looking at but nothing really current like me and my kids my brother and his kids don’t know where to start.my family is so big aswell I’ve got loads of cousins and their children were not a small family and my mum is one of 7 although some were not in touch with some we are.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Afrohair

I would maybe call who you feel comfortable calling and have them send 1 current picture (or more) each.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to sassy59

You are the sweetest❤️🌈🙏

Callendersgal
CallendersgalModerator

Hi Afrohair, Thanks so much for your post and for raising this.

Please remember that anything which is suggested to you is not a must. If it's too much for you to tackle, or to tackle now, put it on your list of things you want to achieve, but don't stress whilst you have other issues which are personally much more important to you at this moment.

You have a lot going on in your life, and, also, from what you've told us recently, your mum is still early on in her dementia journey so you have time to think about how to complete a memory book.

And you won't go far wrong if you use the great hints suggested by Gia7.

But please remember yourself in all of these new things you are having to deal with, with both your mum and you, and don't stress about getting it all done today.

Take care and very best wishes.

Thankyou for putting things in a different perspective you always make me feel better x

Callendersgal
CallendersgalModerator

Hi Afrohair, thanks so much. I'm glad I helped to make you feel better! x

Hidden
Hidden

Hi, it sounds as though everything is overwhelming for you at the moment. Maybe the reason you are finding the memory book so hard to do is that it will make your mum's illness so real. It's just a thought, but have you been in touch with one of the groups dealing with loss of a child. Maybe you need a bit more space to grieve for your baby before you start worrying about other things.

You don't need to start the book now. Maybe a good idea would be to take photos of mum as you normally would, even if she didn't have the dementia. Just keep them. They won't go anywhere and one day when you are ready you can begin the book. You might find then that you will enjoy looking through the photos and maybe your other children could help you. It would make a nice project for a rainy day when you feel less overwhelmed.

Afrohair
Afrohair in reply to Hidden

Thankyou no I’ve not had much bereavement support and my baby would have been due next month so I’m struggling

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Afrohair

I'm so sorry. Take your time this isn't easy and wouldn't be for anyone. Take it slow and work on the memory book in your time.

My blessings to you. You have courage. We are always here to catch you. 🤗🙏

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

So true exhaustedwife. It puts the fact that she has early dementia and a memory book although a wonderful way to honor mom it's heart breaking, it would be for me, so do it slowly in your time. It will come together.

My blessings.

Gia7

Hidden
Hidden

Get some support,there are many groups online that can help you. You need to be in a good place yourself before you can help others. So sorry about your baby, you need to grieve for him properly. If you cannot find the right help online,ask your doctor. You cannot carry all the sadness (the baby, your mums illness)on your own. Life will be so much easier for you with a little support to help you over this bad time. Take care of yourself.

Have you heard of Lily Mae or Sands?

. These organizations offer support to people who have lost a precious baby.

My niece lost Baby Freddie shortly after birth so I know what she has been through. Still going through. Please seek out support. Sending hugs.

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