Elderly Mum: Hi, My 90 year old Mum has come... - Care Community

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Elderly Mum


Hi, My 90 year old Mum has come to live with us. I am disabled on the high rate of DLA for mobility. I am 67 and my husband ,poor thing is caring for both of us. Is there anyway I can get him some help. I think my Mum may be on the way to dementia and she is bowel incontinent. We have just moved in to a bungalow. All very stressful. I would be grateful for your opinions.


7 Replies

Hello Ukelelel

Yours is really a stressful situation and I feel for you all, but especially for your husband who seems to have really stepped up to the plate and is caring for you both.

It seems to me that the best say forward would be to have a proper social services assessment.

Some people dread the thought, but it really is the best way to assess all of your varying needs both financial and practical, so that they can be addressed as a whole.

It's your local Authority which is responsible for providing that assessment, and you can refer yourself, or ask your GP, which, for me, would be the preferred option.

Although I'm sure that moving to your bungalow has been a very stressful time, I hope it's been a positive for you, as it ought to be quite a help in its own right, living on one level.

Hopefully some of our other members will come forward with some ideas and advice for you too.

Very best wishes.


I'm sorry to hear of your situation, it was difficult for us as a family to take the decision to find a nursing home for my 98 yr old mum who is blind, deaf, and has dementia. I think there comes a time when you have to admit to yourself that you can't cope.

Ukelelel in reply to Steeler

Thank you. We have mentioned this to her but she begs us not to. It is a difficult situation

Vonnieruth in reply to Ukelelel

You could view a few homes locally to you and ask if mum could visit for lunch See how she likes it We do that in the home I work in I work with dementia

CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Vonnieruth

That's a really positive suggestion! Some people dread the thought of care homes but are really surprised to find that the best ones really do offer the next best thing to care at home.

I have just read your post. My mum moved in with me 2 years ago and it has affected my health and well being dramatically. Please get an assessment and some help and look after yourselves as the carers also need care. Don't feel guilty about anything you do to make life better and easier for yourselves as you deserve a life too!!! I am now having counselling to help me deal with my situation and it has really helped me realise how I must still have a life and think of myself too. X

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