FEEL GOOD FRIDAY:: Well it's the end of the... - Care Community

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FEEL GOOD FRIDAY:

MAS_Nurse profile image
14 Replies

Well it's the end of the week again and I was wondering:

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?,

I am not sure who I am, but with all the flaws and richness of my inherited and learned life , and a few knocks along the way, I have arrived here with you on this lovely community. Today feels quite calm and I am grateful for still having two elderly but very characterful and needy parents, who in turn have been able to share where they came from and have many happy memories.

We are all so rich in life and experience and sometimes it is good to look back at where we came from, the good and the not so good all form into where we arrive at on today's journey.

Perhaps you could share a little of where you came from with us and how it is shaping how you feel today?

I wish you all the very best possible

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MAS_Nurse profile image
MAS_Nurse
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14 Replies
klr31 profile image
klr31

After all that has happened to me over the past four years and still being in the midst of frequent recurring crises with my father, I don't know who I am any more. His games and lies have made me question everything about my past so it's hard to see what was true and what was not.

Today, though, I am trying to remember my lovely mum who died 4 years ago on this date. She escaped the pain, after living so long with my dad.

Karen

in reply to klr31

So sad for you kir31. Hang on to those memories of your lovely mum, for comfort.

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1

Hi. I know that I have changed since I have become a carer instead of a wife to my husband. I have had so many knocks throughout my life and looking back I can see that each has made me stronger. My daughter says I am like an acorn, falling off the tree and building a new one. I would very much like to stay put for a while though !!

On the Good Friday front:

Nigel came home yesterday afternoon after a lot of negotiation re night care. He is exhausted but so happy and peaceful to be at home. He is quite hard work as his mobility is not very good at all but I think it might be because he has expended so much energy being so absolutely awful in hospital. He has been so abusive because he thought he was being imprisoned, which was so sad because he is not an abusive person.

I am still getting very tired but my hip is healing well and I am managing on paracetamol with the stronger pain killers only at night. I do so hope that we can now start a new period of our lives although I do realise that we are on a lower plateau than before so we are sort of running out of plateaus. It is so lovely to have him home again though.

Alli B

FredaE profile image
FredaE in reply to AliBee1

Home is the best place to be if you can manage it. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and they are so right.

in reply to AliBee1

What lovely true words from your daughter AliBee1! You are always an inspiration as you manage to find the best bits in any situation.

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1 in reply to

Thank you xx

jaykay777 profile image
jaykay777

I am someone who is aware I may become "last man standing." I am an 87 year old woman in fair health who has lost both my parents and all three of my husbands to death. It is just a month since I learned that one of my two long-term friends died at the end of last year. Today I received an email from the other saying she is hospitalized with a serious ailment but is expected to recover. I live -- by choice -- in an independent living facility. I have one friend here who I knew I knew when I lived here in 2010, but she is losing her memory so, as it was with my third husband, I tell her stories about the good times we've had together. Un. until now, I have chosen not to keep a journal, but writing this makes me think it might be a good idea. Thank you.

in reply to jaykay777

I think that's a brilliant idea jaykay777. Therapeutic and interesting for you, and sometime, somewhere, someone is going to read that journal and learn who you really are.

FredaE profile image
FredaE

Physically I always thought I was fairly pure bread English. Not that such a thing exists or ever has. The last pure bred inhabitant of these islands was born about 3 thousand BC and the English only arrived after the Romans and before the Normans so you see what I mean.I have been doing my family tree in a half hearted sort of way. Started as something to do in the wee small hours when I was a carer and sometimes too awake to sleep. No point in moaning! do something useful. I found a few juicy scandals which was fun but my father's family until recently had lived since the time of Oliver Cromwell in Rye in Sussex and my mother's father's family for centuries was cultivating the Cheshire plain. Then I tried the DNA and that was all true but my grandmothers family came from ireland via Scotland with a bit of Viking ( watch out if you ever see me in a hat with horns!) and grandads had a lot of wild welsh women from across the border. What does that make me? Mainly celtic which just goes to show. Not that it bothers me at all. now that my daughter is married to a Frenchman from Algeria with Italian and Spanish forbears I have the most delightfully mongrel grandchildren imaginable.

in reply to FredaE

Oh I do love genealogy FredaE. It always turns up some real surprises!

Hi MAS-Nurse.

That was such an interesting question to ask, and there are some fascinating replies posted. It's so nice to hear about other people's lives, even when things aren't going too swimmingly, because it's a reminder that we all have our challenges and struggles to contend with and it can sometimes make us realise that we aren't too badly off after all.

As I've already posted it was a bit of a sad week for me but, as always, being a part of this lovely friendly community helps a lot. It does what it says on the tin. Cares!

Who am I? Funnily enough it's only a year since I found out who half of me is. My dad was Irish and, after a huge row with his family, left, went to England, met my mum and never reconciled with his family.

We kids grew up with only tiny snippets of information about his past because he couldn't bring himself to talk about it.

Last year for the first time I visited Ireland, and by an extraordinary coincidence the owner of the cottage where we stayed, knew someone with the maiden name of my maternal grandmother in another distant town and gave me an email address to contact her.

Turned out she is my second cousin, and through her I learned a wealth of information about dad, my grandparents and my wider family. It also led me to research even more via the free Irish government genealogy website.

It's brought me a massive amount of peace about my past and made such a difference to me, having that extra dimension to my family history. I like to think that, somehow, in some small way, I've helped to heal a longstanding rift between my dad and his lost family, which I'm sure haunted him from the time he left home to the time he died.

DeDeDickson profile image
DeDeDickson

Fascinating!

xoDorie

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1

Thank you

calista profile image
calista in reply to AliBee1

Hi.

I agree.

It is a big change for a wife to become a carer.

Very lonely and

It's very difficult...being overwhelmed and having to be responsible for everything.

I think it's impossible to understand unless one is in the position.

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