Invisible

[Daisy55]

I had to call our Gp in for my husband yesterday , there is a new system now called engage and consult that you fill in online . When he arrived he just walked in , no introduction , ignored me completely , he talked to my husband who is quite unwell now . I helped in the conversation once or twice as my husband forgets things at times . I felt totally invisible . I think the GP’s should realise how much we do as carers and how much money we save the NHS .

[sassy59]

It’s a pity the GP didn’t “engage” with you Daisy55. I’m sure he wanted to help your husband but ignoring you was just plain rude.

I go to all appointments with Pete and am always present if a doctor calls here. I have never been ignored and I can be helpful in terms of remembering things.

You are doing a marvellous job and I wish you well. Xxxx

[Daisy55 in reply to sassy59]

Thank you Sassy , I was completely stunned at his behaviour , so didn’t act as I needed to . Thank you , it is such a hard job isn’t it , you have to deal with so many things x

[FredaE]

nasty experience. they SHOULD realise. Most of them do and it is the carers job to make sure the ones who don' t realise get better informed

you will need to develope strategies. The first time he/she walks past you it takes you aback. now you have been warned. Greet him or her at the door with a warm welcoming smile but don't invite them in (remember it is your home and no one comes in without being invited) until you have said what you want to say. such as" Ah! you are doctor ?????.(get his/her name and remember it- repeat it back to him if neccessary to fix it in your mind if you are bad at names like me) I am John's wife and his full time carer and there are a couple of things I'd like to talk to you about before you see him. " That sort of thing in your own words.Tell him/her that John's memory needs some help these days and you may need to help him out. Then and only then TAKE him/her into John and introduce him. "John this is doctor so and so come to see you" Keep smiling. Make sure you go into the room ahead of him. Obviously you are not going to waste his/her time in pointless chatter but even then remember that although the doctors time is valuable, so is John's and he may well have less of it.

[Daisy55 in reply to FredaE]

Thank you so much Freda , that is so very helpful . You are right I was completely taken back and with your wise words I will be armed next time , thank you x

[honjen43]

Agree with others, this is no way for a doctor to make a home visit, online or "offline"!

Since the consultation was initiated "online ", is there any feedback form? Maybe you could add a few home truth comments there and suggest the GP brush up on his " home visit/bedside manners"!

Hugs

Jen xxx

[FredaE]

when I was young. ( I keep telling myself not to say that but I rarely listen) when the doctor called chairs were dusted with aprons and everyone stood respectfully to attention and never even thought of arguing with what the great man said. Much better now and the best thing you can do is to establish that you and all the medical advisers are a team with different skills who respect each other's opinions. To do this you need to know your facts - no fancy jargon but the basic facts you can get from your relevant support group. This applies particularly if you are dealing with a rare disease like Multiple System Atrophy as I was. Never be tempted to back your medical advisers into a corner however much you would like to wring their necks unless you are absolutely sure you will never need them again!

[Daisy55 in reply to FredaE]

Great advice thank you x

[Hidden]

Hi Daisy55

That's unacceptable and if you are unhappy with the GP's conduct you should get in touch with your Practice Manager and raise your concerns. You can call and ask for a telephone conversation to take place, or write a letter, or make an appointment to discuss. This is your right as your husband's carer.

It's fair to say that all family doctors are under great strain now. He may have felt resentful at having to make a home call. Who knows? We can't really speculate. But this is not something we should start tolerating, no matter how stretched services are.

I've had an ongoing health condition myself and have been palmed off with innumerable different doctors and GPs, with no continuity of care.

It's really opened my eyes as to the shortcomings of some GPs. Some are absolutely excellent, caring, dedicated and who go the extra mile to try to help. At the other end of the spectrum is a chap like this one was. As well as being surly they are often dismissive and actually not all that knowledgeable into the bargain.

We owe it to ourselves not to accept second and third best, so I really do believe you should flag this up with your GP surgery, so that you don't have to put up with such rudeness from him ever again.

[Daisy55 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you , that is all very helpful .

[Bella395]

I have had similar experiences but not with the general practitioners. Are you registered at the surgery as his carer? Perhaps it would be useful to ask about this.

[Daisy55 in reply to Bella395]

Thanks Bella , yes I am registered as his carer .

[XSitch38]

Hi Daisy55. I had a bad experience with a hospital doctor when my mom, who has vascular dementia, had a fall two years ago. She broke her wrist and occipital bone in her face which required stitches. I asked whether he could numb the area before injecting the anaesthetic to save her distress, but was completely ignored. It was a most distressing experience watching her go through that. I voiced my concerns to the nurse assisting him, asking where his bedside manner was and then when asked to fill out a feedback form on the ward, I did comment then that I was unhappy with the way she was treated, and that my wishes for her welfare were ignored. Not all doctors are like this, but I wish we were given credit for what we are trying to do. I have also campaigned with the WI for better facilities for carers who wish to stay with their loved ones when they are in hospital. We have to stand up for what we believe is right for our loved ones!