advice please

[familytree64]

I'm a full time carer for my husband and finding it very hard some days are worse than others and its like walking on egg shells the whole time and the mood swings.

last week I was on the silent treatment then on Wednesday he started to talk to me, then just because I got up yesterday at 6.30 he has the hump again.

I'm 70 years old and he wonts to control my life every minute of the day, I'm not sure where to turn as I really need help with these mood swings as i for one cant carry on like this, so any help or advice would be great.

thank you

[Hidden]

I know exactly what you mean! Has your husband been diagnosed with dementia or is he just bloody minded? I think you need to talk to your doctor and explain to him that you cannot carry on. You also need some help, contact Adult Social Services and talk to them about the best way to deal with this.

Is your husband mobile and could he be violent? If not, you could try ignoring him when he behaves like this and only do things for him when he treats you properly but don't put yourself into danger. There is no reason why he should dictate to you like this. Do stand up for yourself now and ask for help. At the worst, think about putting him into respite care for a week or two to give you a rest - maybe doing that would help him to appreciate you.

Let us know how you get on, I think many of us are going through the same as you.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello familytree64,

I know we've chatted here before, but I'm not sure that you have told us exactly what is wrong, whether your husband has dementia or other health conditions. It can be a very lonely place for the carers, and there loved ones to cope with all the day-to-day fluctuations in mood, and symptoms. You are having a very challenging time, and I know from personal experience what the 'silent treatment' can feel like!

This may have been suggested before, so please forgive me for repetition, but in the first instance talk to yours and his GP to put them in the picture and to ask for what help or advice they can give to you. Your mental and physical health needs must also be taken care of, otherwise you can't cope. Ask about talking therapies in your area, local dementia support groups, local carer's support groups. Could another carer, family member or friend come in and give you a few hours break each week? Here are some links to useful information including telephone helplines that may help:

alzheimers.org.uk/info/2004...

National Dementia Helpline 0300 222 11 22

ageuk.org.uk/services/in-yo...

carers.org/article/counsell...

carersuk.org/help-and-advic...

I know the folks here are very supportive and understanding and will come alongside you with good advice and listening ears.

Keep in touch. Take care.

[Cas70]

Oh you poor lady. I have a similar problem but my husband is still good natured. You have to get help. Also you need to make a stand, as I have to do now and again. When he doesn’t listen or stays in bed all day I tell him I will walk through the door. Get your coat on and say you are going? I threaten him with our doctor - the controlling thing is because they have lost control of their life. Please find someone to talk to. I feel a lot stronger since I did. If he won’t speak, say - if you keep this up you can look after yourself! I do not deserve this. And go out - you can always come back later. Give him time to think about it. Talk to someone. It hurt me the first time I had to walk out for a couple of hours but it worked. Only a professional who works with you can alleviate this . Good luck