Elderly parents

My parents are in late 70 s. mum has been falling for the last few years and her memory is really bad. She gets really frustrated and aggressive with people especially my dad. My poor dad does everything in the house now as mum has decided she cannot walk or look after herself. Last week she was taken to hospital as she fell on a gravel path and fractured her cheekbone and nose. My brother told the hospital staff about everything that has been happening including her being incontinent.

We have tried for the last 2 years to get a doctor to access her as there is definitely something wrong. But she seems to pull the wool over there eyes. I think her being an ex district nurse helps her do this. She is now back home and poor dad is exhausted doing everything as she won't move from bed or couch. My daughter even spoke to her gp but she said until they admit there is a problem there's nothing they can do.

I have 17 medical conditions and on oxygen 24/7 and my brother is recovering from a heart attack so we cannot give a lot of help.

Can anyone suggest what we should do next as we are desperate.

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  • Can your poor dad speak with someone about your mum? A GP could assess her and see what he could do rather than just shrug and do nothing. Your mum could have early onset dementia but you won't know unless a medical professional helps you.

    Go along with your dad if possible as he may need a guiding hand and don't be fobbed off.

    Wishing you well. Xxxx

  • Dad is burying his head in the sand says it's just old age but we can see his deterioration. Think I might have a word with my respiratory nurse see if she came help with any ideas thanks

  • Phone your local Social Services department and speak to someone in Elderly Care. They have a duty to come out to visit you to see what help is needed. Don't be put off, make sure you get everything you are entitled to.

  • Hi Dusty 961

    I know how really frustrating this is and it isn't easy to resolve. I had a similar problem whilst helping to care for my sister when she was in the earlier stages of her dementia. She had multiple health problems but whenever my niece and I took her to see her GP, she would insist that everything was 'fine', and no matter what prompting or hinting we did, ultimately her GP took her word for it, which meant that, as she deteriorated, there weren't the necessary measures in place to help and protect her.

    I wish I had a real answer for you. In my sister's case it culminated in her having a fall in her paved garden and a subsequent fight with a paramedic over removing her to hospital. Once she was there, my niece had her concerns listened to better, and my sister was assessed by a mental health team and finally we were listened to and a place of safety was found for her.

    My niece also became legally responsible for her care and treatment and I think your only real recourse might be for one of you to do the same thing with your mum, so that you can have a proper dialogue with her GP and have your concerns listened to and put help measures in place.

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