Choosing between carers or care homes

[Yvonne0161]

Hello My fellow Carers,

I am new here but I have been looking after my mum for quite a while now. Sadly, for a variety of reasons, I feel it's time to consider care homes as I am finding care agencies inconsistent with the quality of care they offer. I feel they promise a lot on the initial meeting but after time the quality of work slides and the workers keep changing, which is very inconsistent for my mum. Consequently, I have visited care homes to look at consistent provision. I've been told that I need to go through Social Services even though I said I would be happy to pay myself. My questions are Firstly, what is the process for applying for a care home place and secondly, does anyone know of good care agencies or individuals in the Manchester area?

[jaykay777]

Welcome, Yvonne. Here, you will find many carers who can tell you about their experiences and recommendations of places in the Manchester area. Although my caregiving days are over, and I live in the U.S. I visit this site often to encourage newcomers. I'm glad you have decided to consider care homes for your mother instead of waiting too long, as I did, diminishing my own health in the process.

[Yvonne0161 in reply to jaykay777]

Jaykay777 thank you for your support and encouragement, I haven't made a firm decision yet and I change from one to the other often. However, I'll get as much information as I can and then weigh up the pros and cons and see how I feel. I hope you're enjoying your time in the Us and can claw back some quality time for yourself. Best wishes.

[Jennymary]

Hi Yvonne, does your mum have a social worker, if she does approach them regarding moving mum into a care home, if she doesn't, contact your GP surgery or any specialist hospital dept that care for your mum and I'm sure they'll be able to point you in the right direction, good luck

[Yvonne0161 in reply to Jennymary]

Hiya Jennymary, thanks for taking the time to get back to me. We don't have any Social Services involvement at the moment and I think we are seen as low priority as I have very much just got on with things. However, I'll give them a ring and see what they say as well as talking to mums GP to see what they say. Thanks for the pointer in the right direction.

[von60]

Unfortunately I dont live in your area Yvonne. I am sorry you are having problems with carers, I have to say that I dont know what I would do without the carers who visit and attend my mother. I know when I was thinking of care homes, I just went and visited one, they gave me their brochure and said I could take it from there. But unfortunately my mother will not even consider a home. Good luck.

[Yvonne0161 in reply to von60]

Hiya Von,

Thank you for your support, I've been given a recommendation for one care home and one care agency and I'm inclined to take these more seriously now as I find that brochures and presentations from managers tend to be very glamourous. However, you're right if mum doesn't like the carers or the homes I won't be able to act on it anyway. This can feel like catch twenty two as I need to put her needs first but there are times when it feels as if it has to be at the expense of the carers wellbeing, sadly.

[harrisonharrison]

Hi Yvonne, my father went through 6 or 7 carers, all from the same agency, before finding one that he gets on with. For dad it was about finding a male care, with good english, and a lot of patience. I was beginning to despair, but now that he's found a match, I am far more confident about him staying at home where he feels most comfortable. Sadly, however good or bad the agency is, I think the personality match of the carer is the biggest variable. I hope you find a good solution that lasts a while.

[Yvonne0161 in reply to harrisonharrison]

Hi Harrison, Thanks for the encouragement. I'm just beginning to come to terms with just how exhausting this is for me. I think in speaking to Agencies, the focus has been on mum and I understand that, but you're right in pointing out that if your loved one isn't happy, then you are not able to step back from caring. I do feel like I'm tearing my hair out but this seems to be a part of the process. I'll keep on going and have been given a recommendation that I'm following up. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 😀

[maz177]

Hi, I have also had to go through different agencies to find the right one. You just have to be persistent. You could arrange for private carers but that gets complicated with insurance and pension etc and cover if they are away. My mother went into intermediate care from hospital and it was a nightmare. In fact I was thinking of putting a photo of the care home on her wall to remind her if she complains about me! The carers used to ignore the residents and not answer their bells, they spoke at them and not to them, food was thrown on a plate in front of them with no choice and my mum was left all night to wet the bed and then told off if she did. Care in your own home is far better and you at least have more control. You just need to find the right people. Try Age UK for their befriender service too, they are brilliant.

Mums care is still not perfect, especially trying to get someone to put her to bed at a decent time and not at 6.30pm (it used to be 4pm!) but we are getting there.