Before Transplant

[lonmallin50]

I was thinking back to when l was ill for 2 half years before my transplant the first time l went yellow and in hospital was told l had to stop drinking or l would die, l just did not believe that drink really would do it l did not listen to doctors at all l really dont know why as all my life have always listened to people that know more than me. l dont no if l was in denial, alcoholic, all just plain stupid. but what i know now after transplant with a clear head l no now how close l was to death l only had a fews days to live after i went yellow the second time did not know this till after transplant. but really l did not really feel that ill i felt all right l was thinking that if l was going to die l would feel really bad something like in pain or could not get air. then when i finshed work in my pub after 25 years l only drank for a year after that then i said i stop for a year after second spell in hospital when l read a few stories on here about decompensated liver disease and how your family would miss you if you did die. but all that 2 half years leading up 2 my transplant l still never thought l would actually die it never crossed my mind ever its a bit strange really because now l know that l was so close to it now but the way l was feeling l never felt like l was any way near death even up two day before transplant. i struggled the first time to give up drink but something clicked in my after reading stories on here and it made me stop so if anyone is struggling to give up drink you may think you feel fine but liver disease death i just did not feel it at all, so dont let it fool you. i dont no if anyone else felt alright but been so close to it. but now made a full recovery after transplant 8 months ago and just realise how lucky l am.

[Millie09]

Hi lon Thank you for your post , good yo know your doing well post transplant.

Keep up the great positivity

Best wishes linda

[Caravanboi1]

All you said it’s true. I drank drank daily for about 12 years and promising myself I would quit soon because it was affecting my personal and professional life and not to mention how terrible I felt. The tremors the next day that I would hide by day drinking. By the time I started noticing my huge belly and feeling like I was going to pass out alcohol had already ravaged my liver and body. 1st trip to the ER and a stay of a couple of weeks and told I would die if I drank I again. It took a total of 3 weeks after leaving the hospital to start drinking again like I was making up for time lost. Second trip to the hospital with internal hemorrhage was much scarier but even in the hospital I was already making up ways on how to continue drinking behind my families back. I had lost my apartment because someone had to be watching me constantly. Still I found my ways. An alcoholic always does. It was during a paracentesis that they found my red blood cells were so low they told me they didn’t know how I was still able to walk around that they took me in and was admitted to the hospital. Was told pretty much I was dying, liver and kidneys had quit on me and was put on dialysis. Stayed there for 3 months until I received the call that they had found a donor for both! Just like you while I was there I never felt like I was close to dying. I felt desperate for a drink, the withdrawals were bad. I felt sorry and angry at myself. But yes it never truly hit me until later when I was able to go back to work and drive my car again and run in park that I realized how close I came. It will be a year this August 31st and not a day goes by that I don’t think about what a hell I went through all those years and at the hospital and what I put my family through. I like to remember to humble me and to appreciate the gift I was given of another day. It made me happy to read your story and to know you are doing well. Take good care of yourself and if you are a religious man thank God. And all the nurses!! They kept me well and entertained while I was there! lol God bless you.

[2022minks]

A great realisation of how ill you were and through the gift of a transplant you now have more life to live. Iam so glad you are feeling so much better and sharing your story and thought patterns you could make a difference to others. If you are ever up to making your story impact those in denial about their alcohol relationship think about how you could share your journey by talking with an AA group or a liver support meeting, you have experienced so much if you are brave enough to share you may just make a difference in someone else's life xx

[lonmallin50 in reply to 2022minks]

That’s why I wrote it I read on here people that struggle to give up drink like I did and some people I would think don’t give up because they don’t really feel that bad in themselves like me i felt fine but really what I know now I was dicing with death if it just could help one person realise and it saves there life its worth sharing the story thanks for reply Lon

[McEwan1962]

thank you for sharing and I’m really pleased you are doing well. There are so many reasons why people can’t stop. Addictions are illnesses and often the support from professionals is just not there. You don’t realise that alcohol controls you and then there is a massive fear of doing without your crutch’, how will you get through the day? You feel alone and there is so much stigma and shame. The more we are open about our use of alcohol and the struggles, hopefully more people will try and get help and that there is life without alcohol. I read something recently to try to get people to understand what addiction feels like. They said go somewhere without your mobile phone. How often will you reach into your pocket or your bag looking for it in an hour, 4 hours etc? That’s what addiction feels like!😢