First Post (advice if possible)

[ChelseaPH]

hi all, my SO drinks minimum of 45 units per week, sometimes 60.

Gets up for work bright as a button, if he goes two days without booze he's quite nasty and won't eat because each food group needs to "have a beer with it".

He won't listen to reason, thinks I am nagging, constantly promising to cut back and not drink during the week but always does.

I've asked the GP for help but he won't go to appointments. He has a distended stomach when drinking alcohol, diabetes and a graze on his heel for over a year that hasn't healed up.

We both did at home urine tests because I was interested in whether they would pick anything up and he has high 'large BLO' (blood in urine) and high "specific gravity".

He's not in any pain. I am of course worried and not sure what else I can do apart from moan on, just feels like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

Any advice welcome

x

[PurpleEm]

Hi Chelsea,Has your partner admitted to himself he has a drinking problem or is he still in denial? It's heartbreaking watching someone destroy themselves but until the person admits to themselves they have a problem, there isn't much other people can do. Addiction is a nasty thing, it constantly tricks us into believing we don't have a problem. Sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict. If you ever want to vent or have any questions, I'll try my best to help. Addiction is a perplexing and frustrating illness for both the sufferer and their loved ones. Em x

[ChelseaPH in reply to PurpleEm]

Em thank you so much, he will never admit he has a problem. He got angry at the GP for even pointing at his beer belly and that was over ten years ago. He thinks I have the problem and all he wants is "a beer to chill out", the "beer" is at least five pints of Stella which doesn't seem mad but he's never gone a fortnight without beer all the time I've known him, even when he was off sick from work with long covid he only went a week without booze x

[Tizzwas]

Hi Chelsea

Former drinker here.

He is in massive denial I'm afraid, all you can do for him is wait for him to decide he needs help. If you push him too much then he's even less likely to. I was the same, me and my husband both liked a drink but I got to the point where I was drinking every day and I was not nice to be around without it. I knew I needed to stop but carried on thinking I was super woman until my liver failed. That was the wake up call I needed but until that point there's no way I would have just given up the booze voluntarily. The doctor had to say to me 'if you drink any more you will die'. I really hope he realises this before if gets to this stage. I would recommend giving the Liver Trust nurses a call, they can really help you.

Take care x

[ChelseaPH in reply to Tizzwas]

Thank you so much Tizzwas, I don't think he will ever admit to it. It feels that the future will be long and dismal. My mother, grandmother and myself have familial hypercholesterolaemia which adversely affects the liver and I feel as though he's "getting off lightly" compared to us who rarely drink. He will have an excuse for everything, not that it's alcohol damaging and his mother enables him because she will not accept he has a problem. When it comes out she will blame anything other than his own behaviour, it's so frustrating xx

[Anthonysmate]

Hello Chelsea,

Welcome to the forum.

High gravity in urine test, can refer to proteins present, which may indicate Kidney problems, blood trace in urine really should be investigated further as this could be anything from infection to a problem with kidneys/prostrate.

It may be worth not mentioning the Alcohol, but only that you are concerned about his home urine test results, and a routine blood test from your local surgery or diabetic nurse may be a good idea, please mention you have done a home test and the protein/blood trace result, they will almost certainly do full bloods which will also cover liver function, to see if there is anything further wrong.

As for the Alcohol addiction, as said above, he's got to want to give up, or at least try, it's certainly not easy, our pub culture doesn't help.

But there is help out there both online and off, should he change his mind. Lack of it when you stop or pause drinking, can result in mood swings as it's a depressant, which probably explains his angry spells that and of course being a diabetic, keep an eye on his blood sugar.

All the best Anthony..

[ChelseaPH in reply to Anthonysmate]

Thanks so much Anthony

GP knows about his drinking, he hasn't been for any diabetes check ups for over three years now because he knows they will want to do blood tests. He did his urine test for them after a whole year of having the sample pot which mysteriously disappeared. I got him a new one and have taken it to the GP so will wait and see. I was wondering about kidneys, don't really know too much about it, I thought kidneys filter before liver but is it liver before kidneys? It's frightening and I want to support him and at the same time I don't want to go through this again and my family really do not deserve this.

[Anthonysmate]

The liver is an organ located below the diaphragm that helps your body digest food and filter out toxic substances. The liver can become infected, develop autoimmune diseases or Cirrhosis. kidneys are bean-shaped organs located in the abdomen, on either side of the spine, that filter your blood.

That's from a health care site, just to give you a general idea.

I have had protein traces in my urine, it triggered a second urine sample and full bloods.

The second sample was clear, and the bloods just confirmed Liver disease, which I was already aware of, they never have got to the bottom of it, but have said if it becomes a regular occurrence, then its a trip to the renal unit for me.

Regards Anthony.