Reading your posts, many of you will know exactly how I'm feeling. Totally helpless while watching a loved one- hubby in my case - continue to press self destruct button.
Briefly, over 40 years drinking, but still in denial, he's been in hospital 5 times this year (seizures, falls leading to brain haemorrhage, detox, gut issues, ascites) yet still he drinks. Not able to drive,not able to work, I've stopped working to be full time carer, alienated from nearly all other family, ignored by friends & colleagues, he spends his days asleep or sitting watching TV, glass in hand. Rarely gets dressed, has to be helped with so many tasks, I feel he's given up. Even a grandchild on the way isn't giving him the impetus to tackle it.
I feel health professionals are less inclined to help someone so hellbent on destruction. And who can blame them?
It's all just so sad
Written by
MrsWorried
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi Roy, I hear you and am mindful of your previous comments. Hubby believes if he has money in his account he can spend it how he wishes. As he has heard that it is "dangerous to stop and go cold turkey", he reads this as "continue".
Sometimes he accompanies me to shop, other times I go, but if he does not have it life is worse for everyone. He has been devoted several times but always restarts. If he does not want to stop, he would need to live on Mars (unless they have illicit stills there)
I agree with others your husband has to want to give up alcohol if not it will just a downward spiral and not a good outcome. I was taken into hospital after a severe bleed I was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cirrhosis. I was in hospital for 8 weeks my husband and children to say goodbye as I was rushed in for operation. After that I had another bleed and I have had 2 lots of banding and 10 litres of fluid drained.When I was discharged I was told if I had another drink I would die needless to say that was last June and took notice and have not had an alcoholic drink since then. Obvious carry on drinking and he will surely die. Hope he comes to his senses before it's too late. I wish you well.
Thank you for your comments and I do hope your health is improving. Well done for stopping! Unfortunately despite his hospital stays and ongoing poor health, plus continued advice to stop, he can't or won't. Hard to comprehend
I feel your pain. It is so heart breaking to watch.
my hubby is very simular
hasn't worked for 4 years. Up all night drinking then sleeping all day. Never changes his clothes unless he has appointments. He won't stop drinking, even after our doctor told him in May if he doesn't he will die. I can't remember the last time he washed himself.
I feel he's given up too.
one minute I am desperately fighting to get him to accept help and take care of himself. Encourage him to eat etc. Then I get so exhausted with it I sit back and give up.
work part time from home. Waiting for his next crash.
he has brain and liver damage from drinking and now having biopsies of his bowel with suspected cancer.
Diamondbabe, isn't it tough? I'm not sure I am keeping sane, but taking the dogs for a good long walk helps. I veer between being sympathetic and caring to wanting to scream, but that would only give me a sore throat.
Also been told he will die but seems not to care.
Hang on in there, our halos will arrive, (subject to post strike). #if you don't laugh you'll cry xx
l filled my life keeping busy.... worked , danced and took care of my kids. My husband didn't take control of his drinking, even when docs told him 1 more drink and you will die, til l kicked him out and he went to his Mother's so she could see for herself what he was like... the whole of his family were like him ... all in denial. They all had a big wake up call. Once he had lost all the comforts of his home life and l told him once he sorted himself out he could come home, he seemed to have a light bulb moment ! But it was too late for him.
l can relate. I sympathise. This excuse ... "Can't go cold turkey it's dangerous. " He's killing himself drinking anyway. He has no intention of given up. Life is too " nice and easy " he's still got booze on tap , his long suffering wife and a home. He hasn't hit rock bottom so hasn't had a wake up call to kick him up the backside and so it will continue til it kills him 🤷🏻♀️
Hi, I do hope you get some respite. It is tough doing it all yourself.
I typed a longer reply which I've now lost, like you, tried some time apart, but that wasn't enough for him to decide life without drink was worth trying.
i may get shot down by some people for what I am going to say. I have nafld, and was not diagnosed until I bled put at home from burst variciles. My liver is too damaged to ever repair as I have stage 4 cirrhosis. Having died twice due to bleeding and 22 gastroscopies later I am still holding my own. I was addicted to chocolate, crisps, pies etc, but have been given a second chance. I now eat a whole plant based diet, with no fat or salt. I guess that what I am trying to say is that I wish I had been diagnosed sooner, then maybe my liver could have recovered. Life is too precious and I want to see my children married and grandchildren. I know people will say oh it's hard to give up alcohol. It was bloody difficult giving up chocolate and crisps. I suffered horrendous headaches, the shakes and generally feeling rubbish. I think, until your husband can see how precious life is, he will not change. Thinking of you and hope for the sake of you and your family that he sees sense before it is too late.
Well done turning your life around, it's so hard to make changes but you've done it congratulations! As you say, hubby has to want to do it, I can't make him
I cannot even imagine how hard this is for you, even if you stopped buying him drink he would get it from somewhere so do not blame yourself. I have no wise words but I just wanted to send some love and support your way, I do have a little idea of what you are going through, my partner has ARLD but thankfully gave up after he was diagnosed. It is a very lonely place, you look around at others and imagine how great their lives all are. The only thing I can suggest is you try and claw back some life for you. We get one chance on this world and whilst you have no control over your husbands behaviour you can decide how you react to it. x
Difficult to read. I can see that some other replies have come from partners. I sadly, was more like your husband. I was drinking way too much - I was using it to escape life I think, rather than face up to things. Lockdown took it to a whole new level. I’d always been a heavy social drinker but the isolation of lockdown triggered something more dangerous. To cut a long story short I ended up in hospital with a deep rooted infection which had triggered my damaged liver into acute on chronic liver failure. I call it ‘my liver’s revenge’ for all those years of ignoring it! I was seriously ill and luckily for me the NHS managed to get me out of hospital alive. I haven’t drunk a drop since that admission in March 21. I’m now very well. Work, exercise, eat properly and most of all keep away from the poison alcohol is for the body. I look back at all those wasted years and wonder why I seemed to need it. I really don’t miss it at all. Not remotely tempted. As others have said he needs to hit his low point. For me it was the humiliation of not being able to get to the loo on my own because my muscles were so wasted I couldn’t walk. The need to be washed by some busy nurse who quite frankly was so run off her feet she needed me like a hole in the head. I can tell you...once discharged I sorted myself out big time. It took some time but with a lot of effort both on my part and the NHS’ I have managed to become well. You’d have no idea if you passed me on the street that I’d been so ill just 20 months ago. Sadly for you, he has to decide to do it....because it isn’t easy. I’m not sure what professional support he has, I had help from Turning Point. 4 months intensive support from an alcohol support worker seemed to reprogram my brain - he did explain that that is what actually happens! I can’t describe it as well as he did, but essentially the brain function does alter. I started to associate alcohol with pain and humiliation rather than pleasure and relaxation, which coupled with the fact my body no longer physically needed it....seemed to crack it. There’s not a lot you can do...something will need to trigger him....but getting a referral to alcohol services from his GP may help. I echo what others have said...you must look after yourself and do things to make yourself feel better. Keep away from guilt and frustration. This is nothing to do with you, it’s his issue which only he can sort out.
Hi Poppy234, it possibly depends on where you live. GP here asked local addictions team to make contact with hubby, they phone him and make regular home visits. In my opinion the success depends on the people involved.
hi you poor thing. Sadly if he won’t stop then there’s not much you can do. I know it’s horrible when people get aggressive and angry but I do think you should stop buying and alcohol, if he really wants a drink he’ll get dressed and go and get it! I would talk to your doctor and your alcohol support team, you are the one who needs help and support now. Please make “me time and get out for a couple of hours every day and please keep in contact with your friends and family. The world can’t spin around your husband’s needs and wants anymore! Yes he will get angry etc, when he’s like that just pick up your keys and leave him alone for a couple of hours or overnight. It’s going to be very hard for you. Good luck
So sorry to hear you are going through all of this. I was married to an alcoholic. After several years of trying to help him (he went to numerous AA and any other meetings; and I accompanied him for support) I left him. As much as it sounds cold, I had to remind myself that he won't change and that I wasn't put on this planet to be someone's nurse. I have given it all to help him but he didn't want to or couldn't do it. Either way, I had to save myself and get my life back. It was a very difficult decision but the best one for me. Wish you all the best my dear. Remember, we all have only one life. Lots of love xx
So sorry to hear your story it must be so hard for you I to did not pack in drinking after being in hospital the first time, my wife cared for me with such love i felt i owed her something for doing it i just snapped out of it reading peoples stories on here it made me realised what I was doing to her not alone my self not had a drink now for 8 months now got a de compensated liver going to need a transplant now which is such a worry for me i wish I would have listened to doctors hope your husband is not that bad yet before he gets de compensated liver which is all most of the time is to survive is a transplant its not worth any amount of drink to know your life is on the line whether your going to live all die get him to read some stories on here it might just change his outlook it did me but i was to late the damage was done
Thank you for your comments, and well done for your efforts. Hope you get your TP.
I worry that it may be too late, he has ascites, varices but not bled yet, enough to prevent biopsy. Horrendous itching, lost so much muscle mass, barely eats, has no interest in food, in fact no interest in anything, sleeps loads and I'm sure has HE but so far been described as drowsiness. His first grandchild is on the way but even isn't enough.
Everyone has their own trigger, just wish I knew what works for him.......
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Up Date on husband.
I think Iv had a moan about this before 
End stage liver disease and kidneys failing 
a little fed up
Had more blood tests and consultation with GP (family doctor), mostly better news I think
