79 Year old alcoholic

[Guppy26]

Hi there,

Appreciate this is hard to determine but as I'm not a power of attorney I have limited information from Drs regarding my alcoholic mother. She is losing her hair, has musclecwasting, is bed bound, is sick every day and has been for about 4 months (not blood), has a patch of yellow on her wrist and is incontinent. How long can she carry on like this and when might she start to deteriorate further?my father is refusing additional nurse help and is caring for her himself. They wont call an ambulance. A

[AyrshireK]

Hi Guppy, so sorry to hear about your mum sadly it would be impossible for any of us here to determine what might happen next with mum.

At 79 years old some of her issues might just be age related and nothing at all to do with her alcohol intake or liver whereas they may well be linked with her alcohol usage .......... at 79 she's sadly unlikely to be able to change her ways or want to and as regards her liver there probably arn't too many treatment options available - other than trying to keep on top of symptoms.

Mum & Dad come from that generation where wedding vows of in sickness and in health were very much adhered to and Dad obviously sees himself as the one to do the caring. They may know more themselves than they want to share (perhaps to protect you), Dad may know more and doesn't want to scare Mum too.

Lots of things going on, I guess all you can do is to offer help and support and be there if there is a crisis. If mum is sound of mind and deemed to have capacity to make her own decisions then sadly ambulance crews can't over rule her choices. If there is a lack of capacity or possibly dementia or other mental issues at play and you feel Dad may be struggling then you might want to try and discuss your concerns, options with your local Social Work Department, they might have things they can offer in way of support.

A sad situation all round. Best wishes.

Katie

[Guppy26 in reply to AyrshireK]

Thanks for your kind words Katie. You are of course absolutely right.

[BritishLiverTrust3 Administrator British Liver Trust]

Dear Guppy26,

If you [are in the UK and] would find it useful to talk things over, our nurse-led helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 3pm on 0800 652 7330 (excluding bank holidays)

Best wishes

British Liver Trust

[Guppy26 in reply to BritishLiverTrust3]

Thank you for this, I will definitely ring on Monday.

[Chinkoflight]

Hi, you have done a brave thing here to reach out for advice and you have received a helpful offer of support above, take it.

My sister described herself as a functioning alcoholic until she she was obviously ill and then became reclusive and in denial of her alcoholism. She passed away at 67 pre-deceasing her mum and dad. Like you I tried to get help but to no avail. I gave my big sister a big hug and surprisingly she received my big hug! She passed away a few days later.

You clearly have done your best in my eyes, time to focus on supporting your father and telling them both you love them lots. We are all seeking peace in our own ways and you will also need to find yours.

I hope this perspective helps you find your own way through this point in time.

[Guppy26 in reply to Chinkoflight]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. It is such an emotional roller coaster, like you say I do need to find a way to accept what's going on. Best wishes

[Roy1955]

I am sorry to say it but you must sit back and accept your parents decision without question.

If Mum becomes distressed and Dad can't cope then and only then you call in a Dr or ambulance.

She's not your alcoholic mother, she's Mum and her time is probably near and there not anything you can do about it.

Let them do it their way.

[Guppy26 in reply to Roy1955]

Thanks, I will.

[Aotea2012]

I’m really sorry to read your post. It’s a very tough situation, both for you watching and for them going through it. Take up the offer of a call with the nurses...they are fantastic and will talk things through with you. There’s little you can do if they don’t want help, but it may be worth another go with your dad to see whether he’d accept extra nursing support as it must be physically exhausting for him to do the caring if she’s incontinent. Aside from the emotional burden you are both carrying. Her GP may also be a good source of advice if you could get her to speak on the phone to them, but it sounds as though she’s pretty adamant that she doesn’t want any input. In which case...there’s little more you can do. As others have said, offer your support to them and be there for your dad to help where you can and make sure you are getting support yourself. It’s important. Take care

[Guppy26]

Thank you. My dad is quite aggressive and defensive which makes it even harder. On my request the GP spoke to my dad and sent a nurse around but my dad has since said they can cope without one and the Dr wont deal with me now. Like you say, I am doing what I can and I didnt know there is advice through here that I can call on so I will definitely do that. Thanks

[mtk0925]

I work for hospice but I’m here in the states. It may be beneficial to sign her up. For extra care and pain management. But that’s up to you and your dad and obviously her dr

[Guppy26 in reply to mtk0925]

Thanks. Signing her upfor hospice care is just what I want to do but the combination of my dad and NHS here in the UK means it wont be forthcoming but I will keep trying.