Thank you all!: I have been a member of... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust

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Thank you all!

Woodie01 profile image

I have been a member of this group for just over a year now since my dad was diagnosed with decompensated liver disease after a massive drain. I have not written much but I have read all the posts, giving me hope and information- thank you all.

My Dad died last Saturday and we ; his 3 children were fortunate enough to be with him at the end in hospital. He was not conscious so he would not have known but at least it brings us some solace.

I am so grateful that the pubs were closed When he was discharged last year and he remained sober until about June. He said I saved his life. Unfortunately, none of us were enough to stop him drinking permanently when the pubs opened- he did try and couldn’t or wouldn’t give up completely. I am currently going through a massive range of mixed emotions but I wish I had told him I loved him. We have now found out that he wanted a direct funeral and I find it so sad that he will be going on this journey alone. I respect his wishes but I am struggling so much. I have told my children who are 13 & 10 that grandad didn’t want us to be sad by attending the cremation but to have a party instead. I feel lost and empty despite not seeing him as often as I could have because I didn’t like to see him drink and didn’t want my children around that.

Thank you all for the wise words you give to us all on here x for my dad the struggle is over but for the rest of you I wish you good fortune and happiness xx

17 Replies

Oh woodie. Such sad news. I am so so sorry. Gain strength knowing you did everything you could and that your Father is now free from pain. You will always miss him and get that punch in your stomach which may sometimes floor you. Take those times to cry, but also smile and laugh of the happy times you spent with your Dad. Throw that party when you all are ready.

Best wishes to you

Laura xx

Woodie01 profile image
Woodie01 in reply to Positive001

Thank you Laura; I will do my best and try not to have too many regrets as they are no use to anyone.

I’m so sorry to read this. It’s such a difficult time for you. I lost my mum about 6 years ago, not from liver disease but natural causes - she’d started dementia and would have been so unhappy not being in control, that in many ways it was a blessing for her. I suspect your dad felt like that with liver disease and sadly he couldn’t or wouldn’t stop drinking. As someone who has struggled with alcohol myself I can understand that. My mums funeral was a private family affair and very difficult. She hated funerals and only ever went to the sandwiches after. We joked as a family that we weren’t sure she’d turn up to her own! We had a party afterwards and that was really fun. Much nicer than the funeral itself. I suspect your dad was trying to spare you the grief and sadness. I never said goodbye to my mum, she died in her sleep and I never had the chance to tell her. What I do know is that she knew I loved her, just like your dad knew you loved him. You don’t need to tell someone that, they’ll know it. You take care of yourself. It’s a tough time, but it will pass, and have that party to remember him.

Woodie01 profile image
Woodie01 in reply to Aotea2012

Thank you so much, that all makes sense and I’m sorry to hear you went through this with your mum.

Dear WoodieDon't be sad about the idea of a direct cremation - especially if it is what your Dad wanted. We did it for our son who died suddenly after years of struggling to overcome his alcohol dependence, partly because the logistics of getting everyone to a suitable venue were horrendous. Instead, we waited a couple of months and then had a celebration of his life at a venue that was accessible to almost everyone. And it was, indeed, a celebration, with lots of lovely things said and happy reminiscences. The only sad thing was that the person who was the subject didn't get to hear how much he had been loved and would be missed!

We were so impressed by the stress free simplicity of it that we have told our nearest and dearest that that is what we want when our time comes.

I wish you all the best as you come to terms with his death.

Rose

Dear Woodie,

Sorry to you all, for losing your Dad to this terrible disease.

Take comfort that you did not need to actually tell him you loved him. He Knew...

Trust10 profile image
Trust10Partner

Dear Woodie01, we are so sorry to hear of your loss. You have received some really thoughtful words of condolence and support - if you are in the UK and you would like to talk things over, now or in the future, we are here for you. Our nurse led helpline is open from Monday to Friday 10am to 3pm 0800 652 7330.Take care,

Trust10.

Woodie01 profile image
Woodie01 in reply to Trust10

Thank you, I appreciate all the support that I am being given.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Grief is a process, as well as an emotion. Everyone's journey through it is different I've learnt. Look after yourself, surround yourself with those you love and give yourself time, kindness and respect. Take care

Woodie01 profile image
Woodie01 in reply to Ewife

Thank you for your kind words.

I’m so sorry for your loss Woodie, your dad will have known how much you loved him and take comfort from the fact that he is now at peace and free from pain. Thinking of you.

Im so very sorry for the loss of your dad woodie, but take comfort in knowing that he ain't suffering no more and is free, dont beat yourself up about not being able to have done more because you couldn't have, he was happy living his life the way he wanted to and you couldn't have done nothing to change that, he knew deep down you all loved him and you were all there with him at the end. Take care of yourself xx

Julie x

Thinking of you all may dad now rip xx

So sorry for your loss Woodie x

🥰🥰🥰🥰 Im so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. Sending you loads of hugs. Can i just say your dad may have been unconious but he would have been aware of you being there. He would have been able to hear you speaking, because the hearing is the last thing to go. The guilt of not seeing him is part of a grieving process, so try not to beat yourself up over it, you were protecting yourself and your children. I know how that feels to feel guilty for not seeing a parent as often before they died so i understand where you are coming from so its a natural feeling. It will pass.Please still feel you can get the support you need by coming here and talking to us.

Love and hugs.

lyn..xxxx

So sorry to read you have lost your dad, my thoughts are with you and your children. It’s so difficult to watch our loved ones going through such a difficult journey.You did your best and you cared xxx

It's been a difficult journey for you all but at least your father has peace now. Our families know we love them even when the words are unspoken so be kind to yourself and cherish the good memories you have xx

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