Don’t know where I’m going, I’m lost!!

[Jimmywaz]

Hi there I’ve just hit a massive brick wall of depression, I have cirrhosis compensated, stage 4 was decompsated, everything seems to be improving a year later was doing really well mentally, got back with my ex who lives close by, I had just came out of hospital and she didn’t know how bad I was but drink was the problem for our break up years ago. I helped her through a difficult breakup with her ex and got really close again goin on long walks every day and even being brief sexual relationship anyway the walks kept on happening plans for her garden and started to feel positive, until I find out that she walks with me through the week then has a proper relationship with someone who works away and found out by going round with flowers on Easter, this has really effected me as I was back in track, I understand I can’t really work or have any future with her and I’m not the man I used to be but just feel like I have nothing to look forward to, can’t really get into another relationship and have nothing to offer, I’m back at parents and on sick money for the rest of my days... I don’t want to walk around my village on my own because of the ex and now I just live in the past thinking of all the mistakes and how my life has ended because of the demon drink, I just can’t see anything to look forward to and my downstairs department does not work properly with portal hypertension, I’m only 38 and a good looking lad... I’m really don’t know where to go from here, I should be married with kids and the big house but there is no chance of that now... please where do I go, if I go abroad on my to think all the bars and things... go on holiday by myself, is there any cirrhosis meeting groups or anything... who understands

[Hidden]

Hi Jimmy,

It sounds like you have a lot to cope with at the moment. I'm sure our brilliant members will support you here.

Have you had a think about discussing your depression with your GP? they may be able to help.

Here is also a link to the mental health charities that have a helpline you could use:

nhs.uk/mental-health/nhs-vo...

We do have different support groups via the British Liver Trust for people with liver disease, here is more info;

britishlivertrust.org.uk/br...

Remember you are not alone and do reach out for help.

Best wishes.

[Str8jacket]

Don't know if I can cheer you up, but know you're not alone. Apparently there is a surge in cirrhosis cases among young adults, and especially young men. It's not publicized enough. Alcohol companies merely say drink responsibly or don't drink when pregnant (in the states). No one mentions that if you drink regularly you can destroy your liver before 40. Perhaps it should be obvious, but it wasn't for me (always thought it was something that was more a risk in old age), and I assume it wasn't for you either. Of the billions of dollars/pounds that alcohol companies bring in in profits, a nice chunk of it could be taxed to finally find cures/treatments for liver failure.

Be grateful you have your wonderful NHS--you have hope for a transplant, it seems like you are doing well staying sober. I know there are many other folks here who share a similar tale as you.

[AyrshireK]

Hi Jimmy, really sorry to hear about your current situation. What a shame your ex hadn't been honest with you about their other relationship, no wonder you've been hit hard by suddenly discovering that.

All is not lost you know. Lockdown is difficult for meeting other people but once it's over you can still seek out new relationships which don't need to be sexual to be fulfilling.

My husband and I were only engaged at the stage of him being diagnosed in April 2012 and we married in August 2012. We have never been able to consumate our marriage and he has no function nor interest so we just don't go there so as not to upset him - if you find the right person this doesn't have to be the be all and end all. We don't even share a bed/room with his ill health causing such severe sleepless nights that if we did sleep together i'd never get a good sleep.

For both of us this was our first serious relationship and obviously a bit galling that we'd waited so long to find 'the one' but the bedroom activity just doesn't happen (I was only 38 when we met, hubby not yet 50).

But, we couldn't love each other more, we hold hands, have nice massages and just spend loads of time together, supporting each other.

Maybe you can get an alternative hobby when lockdown is over and meet 'your one' via that route. Not everyone is obsessed with nookie. Hubby and I met doing WW2 battle reenacting and we love walking together & going camping/caravanning.

This isn't the end of the road, as your health is stabilizing you can live a decent life.

Keep on keeping on, live life to the max,

Katie

[Richard-Allen]

Hi Jimmy, changes in mood can be triggered by a number of different things.

If our bodies are allowed to become damaged, through various causes, like arthritis, a broke limb or even liver damage. Here our bodies immune system goes into action to fight off any possible infection. This could be even more so if you've had a covid vaccine and your immune system has been beefed up.

There are two main types of proteins in our bodies which are part of the immune system. You have macrophages (these are the little devils that detect and destroy invading bacteria). We also have cytokines. Cytokines are regarded as a signaling molecule. When an invading bacteria is found, they can call up more macrophages to deal with the invader.

It has been discovered that these cytokines can cross over the blood brain barrier, and change a persons mood. So, while you may be feeling down and depressed, there could be other reasons for this dark mood.

From this example it could well be the reason why many people feel so sad and melancholy following a liver transplant.

Here Professor Ed Bullmore explains: youtu.be/iw7b0-yTnT0(Not working as expected?)

I hope this helps explain why you may be feeling depressed and isolated.

Good luck

Richard.

[Delboytrotter]

Hi there I have been there a few times I have friends that have seen me through I belong to a support group and friends who have seen me through I live alone that's reason I suffer from depression but was told by my GP that it's not depression it's anxiety

[Julie8]

Hi Jimmy I know it’s simplistic but there’s a saying, When you’re in a fog, stay still.

[Warrior1]

Sorry to hear of your situation Jimmy. I nearly died from alcoholism and severe liver damage issues. Likewise to your story, i found it all a bit sad to realise a bit late at how alcohol had destroyed my health relatively badly. I found AA/12 steps/meetings (Zoom at present, just google) to be a great way to find acceptance, gratitude for not dying, finding all the positives still there and discovering a multitude of new friends in AA fellowship. And many of those were also only too willing to listen, help and many too had similar health issues caused by alcoholism. It's a spiritual programme but between that, exercise, good diet, positive thinking and possibly trying free online mediation or TM courses, suddenly a bright new future can suddenly become clear. The one day at a time philosophy too can help with the anxiety to help with acceptance issues with 'things we cannot change' to focus on 'all that we can'. It makes for a simpler life for many too. During the pandemic, i volunteered for NHS 'check in and chat' and i also help others who contact me (Online FB/Instagram). I found doing that helpful when feeling a bit down - even with over 4 years sobriety - and i know the blues must be difficult for you, but the NHS links given by others here are maybe worth a try. So as to interact with trained people or others suffering in a similar way. Really wish you all the best...