Hi , I am new to this. I thought I posted something yesterday but I cannot see it today. Maybe I broke the rules - apologies if I did.
My husband is going into Priory Clinic today - I'm a bit annoyed as nothing was discussed with me. Why are The Priory accepting patients when we are all meant to be social distancing. I know he will not self-isolate when he comes back here in 6 days times. I just know he won't. He only managed 20 hours of self-isolation when he returned from India on 22nd March. He made my life hell.
Are the Priory acting responsibly here?
What can I do?
Written by
Debbie633
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Firstly I have never heard of a Post being blocked before being posted or without any of us seeing it and from what you’ve written today I can’t see any reason why your post would be deleted either.
So - that aside a great big welcome to our lovely forum 😀👍
How did he get to be going into the Priory - I mean did he get referred there by a liver Consultant.? You can’t just get admitted on a “ whim” (poor word) can you? Sorry I don’t know a great deal about the Priory except from the little I’ve read.
Imho in the current situation he wouldn’t be going in unless someone has deemed it very urgent.
My post yesterday was not about The Priory visit - perhaps I didn't hit the Post button. The visit to the Priory was set up yesterday - a call from our GP then a call from The Priory. Is it urgent? Probably he is drinking a bottle vodka a day plus beers. But still says he has 2 years to live. Mentally he is unstable and a danger to himself and others.
My concern is the social distancing and the self-isolation which I know he will never never adhere to. Not in his nature.
I will call The Priory this morning to voice my concerns.
I feel this is so unfair and I am afraid of him (not violent - just extremely nasty)
Drinking at that level quite often leads to the kind of behaviour you are experiencing. Was he like this before he drank so excessively, for instance??? Are there children involved? Also, he is, in a way, putting the lives of yourself and anyone else at risk, with whom he comes into contact. I am not clear who you feel is being unfair here......your GP (who is obliged to look out for the health needs of his/her patient)........and that includes yourself. Or, is The Priory being unfair by taking him into their Care Facility? What ages are you both? Do you have input from Social or Mental Health Services? Going to the Priory implies your husband is having some kind of treatment privately. Has anyone raised the issue of ‘Safeguarding’ for yourself and/or others. If so, go to your GP, first and foremost and ask them for help on your behalf (they have a duty of care toward you as well as him). Take their advice if, hopefully, you feel it is appropriate. Next, if the GP will not help you (and who knows the answer to that in present circumstances!!!), ask to speak to the Practice Manager or Senior GP! Beyond that you may need to be willing to go higher and, if necessary, decide then what else you can do. If you back down, at any point in all this then you must take into consideration, what might happen next. You will hopefully have guessed that I am trying to use my words very carefully, as there are enormous consequences for all involved, in this very difficult of circumstances. My heart goes out to you and all other people who are involved in similar delicate situations.
Sorry for my rant ! I am over it now. I have had 2 fantastic days without him and his nasty abusive comments. Whoop !!!!
I called the Priory and they told me that none of the staff have any signs of the virus and it is no different from going to the supermarket - unfortunately I lost it at that point and gave a list of reasons why I thought that him going into a rehab clinic was very very far from being similar to him going into a supermarket. I have calmed down now - so what will be will be. I have contacted my Dr also but I do not wish to be a burden during this extremely difficult time.
I just feel that The Priory have targeted a very vulnerable person and taken his or rather my money with the promise of a better life for him. I really hope he gets what he wants, but this is not the first time. I am disappointed that no one has contacted me. I am sure The Priory are aware that alcoholics are not the most honest people and sometimes edit the truth.
Any way - I am much happier and still have some lovely peaceful days ahead of me.
Thank you so much for spending the time to respond to me!!!! I was a bit angry - sorry!
No children thank goodness. I am 57, and he is 61. He has 2 personalities - mostly lovely then sometimes really nasty, the really nasty personality I call Toby. Toby is with us all the time now, he used to only pop in about 6-7 times a year and stay for a week or so. He won't move out now.
Not really putting my life at risk, the guns have been removed, its just the virus I worry about. He is not violent, but threatens ALL the time. For example cancelling my phone contract (I have 3 businesses, I need my phone), or closing bank accounts, or taking my car (he hide it from me last week) , or telling people lies about me etc, etc, etc. He even contacted my 84 year old father and ranted on about an affair my Dad had 50 years ago - honestly !!!! My poor Mum & Dad. My brother is dying of Motor Neurone Disease, and my poor parents cannot see him and are unlikely to be able to see him before he dies.
My boss was found dead at home on 15 March so I am now having to run the business. So you see I am so pleased to have my husband out of my life just for a few days. I've got a lot going on and need to secure people's salaries in this difficult time.
Again - Thank You Thank You Thank You for taking time to respond to me.
2 days of peace can be a lifetime for anyone in your circumstances. I am also pleased you were able to ‘get it off your chest’. You may have to do it on other occasions in the future though. It’s so hard.
It appears to me that you may well need some ‘me time’. That too is difficult with so much of life on hold for everyone. Try not to play his games though.......if the bullying continues, just find ways and means of going into a different room, away from him
Try not to display like for like. Ie. Don’t shout back if he shouts at you. What about support, for both of you. His liver is probably not happy, which will add to his distresses. However, are you his ‘Carer’ and need a good break. Do you have mutual friends who can sit with him for a while or you can remove yourself from the situation.
I haven’t seen much on here about the psychological impact of liver disease on both patients and families, no matter the cause of the liver problem????? Obviously, alcohol places a huge burden on patients both physically and mentally. Consider though, all you drinkers, of the even worse impact of what you can freely do to yourself, on any children you may have, in addition to your spouse, who have no freedom to avoid the impact of how you treat them, when influenced by alcohol. I have experienced first hand, the terrible magnitude and suffering of such family members in the care of adults who lose self control, and do things they would be shocked to see, through a video lens camera.
Priory Healthcare are one of the better private rehabilitation hospitals and do have medical staff and support. They carry out regular blood tests and the Consultants also work for the NHS.
Hopefully they will have the correct rules in place regarding social distancing.
I was also told that him being there is no different from him going to the supermarket. I had a difference of opinion on that one.
My husband who is currently a patient for 6 days (and nights) told me that they are checked. Not sure about that, he doesn't always tell the truth. If they are being checked then why can't others be checked? People that we need to run the country, people in industry, carers -( i could go on ) The people that this country really need? My husband does nothing for anyone, just drinks all day - how come he gets checked daily? Whereas I am not able to be checked and therefore I cannot visit my brother who has MND?
PS - no he wasn't screened before he arrived there, but they did take him money. Maybe he was screened on arrival- I don't know
Hi Debbie. I don't have any knowledge of the Priory. I just wandered whether you had any support from friends and family, maybe somewhere to stay? It sounds as though you need help. Please try to access it.
So kind of you to respond. I have support but I have to manage this my self. I can and I will. I have a future, my own businesses and a wonderful life. He just wants to end his life in drink and misery - so sad but I feel it is time for me to walk away. I would never see him without a roof over his head so I will support him financially but that is all. No more emotional support, although I cannot see how The Priory are going to fix him in 6 days. I hope they can and I hope he comes out less angry with the world.
The Priory gave me no reassurances at all - I think they have targeted a very vulnerable person. I cannot believe he was admitted with no consultation and no discussion with me. They have just taken his or rather my money. I am not sure this is right.
If I get less abuse when he returns then it is money well spent. The past 2 days have been fantastic - I've been living the dream
Nowadays with social media there is so much more support isn't there?
Years ago I was on my own with this. But the biggest step for me was realising that this is not my fault. I do not see myself as a victim and I am not responsible for his anger.
The fact that people take a few minutes out of their day to contact me really really really makes me feel special. I am a person and am not a nobody!! It makes a massive difference and has such a positive impact
I hope you are still doing well in these trying times. I live with an alcoholic. Sadly, l am often blamed by others in the household (well, one other, my son) for objecting to behavior no one else would deem normal. Sometimes, so called experts can be very sanctimonious and it seems they have made the decision to detox your spouse without your input. Also based on the fact that the cost was no issue, they may have assumed that it was his money, not yours, which is sexist l know, but there it is. I get the sense you have made hard won changes in order to secure your independence. Please know that you are doing the right thing for you, and look for support in processing the inevitable sense of loss this will entail. We are here for you. Good luck. x
Its so nice to hear from you. Yes, I feel mean because I should encourage him to detox but why was I not informed of any of this? Nothing at all. I am becoming independent of him, so that he can have no control over me, he can no longer threaten to close the bank account because I have already closed it. It is very odd, but the nastier and more controlling he tries to be - then the stronger I become. Over the years I have put up with his abuse, its nothing violent, just sulks and nasty behaviour towards me, but since I have' come out' and told people about it - I am liberated - I am free - I am happy. The happier I become, the worse he becomes. Its a very toxic relationship and very very sad. I would love to have a husband who celebrated in my success, but that is not to be. I will celebrate alone - and boy will I celebrate. I hope he finds happiness, but I feel The Priory is selling him false hope. 6 days to detox after 40 year of heavy drinking - is that really possible?. I don't mind the drinking (she say with a glass of wine in her hand) I just cannot deal with the abuse. A tip to anyone else - when your abuser starts having a go at you - stick your fingers in your ears and start singing. I do it all the time - what you can't hear - can't hurt you and sing as loud as you can - a very happy song.
I love the support I am getting here.
I can't say what I am doing is right or wrong. I am a bit fed up of putting him first. I just want my freedom. But I do not wish him ill. I really don't.
Thanks Bootandall Stay strong and please stay safe in these difficult times.
Well he is back and just as angry. He’s still sober and he has been told his liver will repair in 3 months but they only went on a scan he had in Sept 19 and blood tests. But that’s what they told him. Personally I can’t see him staying off the drink as it’s his anger issues that will make him drink again. And no one knows what triggers those - he has never known himself. I’m staying out of his way - cos guess who will get the blame when he starts drinking again???
I’m lucky as I have 3 businesses to run 1 is dormant but the others are still going and in these difficult times there is more pressure than ever to keep going. Furloughing staff this week. But that’s not negative as some want it.
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