45.... been drinking a long time & scared

[Luna-loo]

Well, I said it all in the title really. As a teenager , I was always the party-goer. In my 20s 30s I was the ‘cool mum’ that could burn the candle both ends and still be a ‘milf’ ..... no one knew what I was really feeling ... took FET to keep going for a long time but been clean for 10 years. A lot of other shit was going on ..... but a long story. Life is good now, .... escaped the man who put the drugs in my hand ‘to make me feel better’. And to those judging me , you’re right, as a mum, I should have had the strength to say ‘no’. But at that time, I would have given or taken anything for either a night’s sleep or a little more energy.

I’ve gone way off subject..... My kids are fine I’m ‘happily’ ... if that s possible, divorced... just still drinking.... a lot..... help please? Xx

[Kev12564]

Welcome. No judging here 🙂

How much are you drinking a week in units approximately? From what you’ve said, you might be alcohol dependent. It’s not your fault. It tastes great, but if you’re dependent, you might be better off quitting altogether as opposed to cutting down. How does that sound so far?

There is help available. My GP was helpful, but I went armed with a plan. Others on this forum seemed to have less helpful GPs which is very disappointing to hear.

It’s not as impossible as it sounds to quit. I did it fairly easily, and you wouldn’t believe the different person I’ve become. But quitting means exactly that. I still have the urge for a sneaky lager or red wine albeit less and less often, but it’s so much easier to say no, and that’s how it will be for life. I love it.

Before you see a GP, think about a plan. Will you cut down or quit and in what sort of timescale? What else will you do with the free time you’ll gain? What about social situations and not drinking?

What will a GP do? Hopefully help. I went to my GP to ask for Campral, a drug which reduces the urge to drink. She referred me to an alcohol support agency who were able to prescribe Campral, which I only took for a few weeks anyway. You will also get blood tests to make sure your liver is working OK. Nothing to worry about, and any problems youre better off knowing.

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Your life being good now makes it a good time to end your dependence on alcohol. I'd start by seeing a doctor & getting a blood test to check how your liver is doing & go from there. By the sound of it you don't have obvious symptoms of alcoholic liver disease so hopefully your liver isn't damaged. You've been drinking a long time so an ultrasound & a FibroScan or elastography would be worth getting done.

How does one give up a long standing habit of drinking alcohol to feel good? Alcohol was never a big problem for me but I was dependent on painkillers for many years & I stopped after my liver started to let me know in no uncertain terms that it was struggling. I monitored how I felt each day & I've gradually felt better until today 18 months later I feel healthy however life continues to have its challenges. Regular exercise, a good diet, adequate sleep, pursuing my interests & keeping busy so I don't worry excessively have all helped. You'll need to work out what works for you.

If you find stopping drinking difficult going to AA meetings may be an option to consider. I once went to a couple of AA meetings partly out of curiosity & partly because I was self medicating with painkillers, which isn't much different to doing it with alcohol, and I listened to people stand up & tell their stories & socialise afterwards. Because I wasn't an alcoholic I didn't feel I belonged but I could understand how it helped those who were alcohol dependent to stay clean one day at a time. I still remember some of the talks given by people who stood up e.g. I remember one guy that stood up saying "some people drink because they are introverted, some because they are extraverted & some because they are perverted!" The guy was a comedian!

Your first step should be seeing a doctor with a view to getting the health of your liver evaluated. If your liver isn't found to be damaged then it could be the start of a new life & avoiding winding up with cirrhosis at some point in the future if you were to continue drinking as you have been. If your liver is damaged then you can stop it getting any worse and hopefully reverse some of the damage.

Reading some of the stories of people on the forum who have cirrhosis I'm glad I stopped the painkillers when I did. I'm appreciating the benefits of living clean. Now that my health including my brain function have improved I see problems with a clearer perspective & I handle them more confidently & constructively.

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Just a quick question for now, is there a liver related question here please. Have you seen your doctor. Are you drinking because you want to, or because you have to?

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I would suggest that you make an appointment with your GP, tell them your history and ask for a blood test. Make sure that you are totally honest.

I used this group, who help with addiction illness.

smartrecovery.org.uk/

[Radnor]

You have done some very positive things already. Removing a bad husband who gave you drugs, but you stopped taking them. You are also acknowledging you drink far too much, it is possible your now alcohol dependent. You say your children are fine, but dont say how old they are? Alcohol dependence can be hereditary. If they have grown up seeing you drink to excess they could see it as normal. My Dad was from a big family. Half of his siblings where addicted to alcohol. If your children are older they may not say anything to you but be assured they will be very concerned . If they are under 16 you risk either your ex seeking custody or social services becoming involved. I worked with alcohol/drug dependents and saw the heartache they suffered as they had their children removed. Everyone has covered the actions you need to take, I truly hope you can fight this and win. On here you will see stories of adult children who are devastated because they want to help their parent to recover. It may mean choosing your friends discerningly too. If they too are heavy drinkers you need to avoid them. It is a 'normal' to drink heavily to them. You will feel secure because you all do it? Be strong and go to get help. Im sure you want to live to see your grandchildren too. Hazelx