End of Life Memories: Thinking back to a... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust

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End of Life Memories

2022minks profile image
17 Replies

Thinking back to a year ago I was busy trying to turn an unused room filled with a lifetime of boxes into a habitable, useable bedroom for the arrival of a hospital bed before the hospital would allow mum to come home. Mum was diagnosed in 2017 at decompensated stage of NASH Cirrhosis of the Liver after being admitted with ascites. In November last year she was admitted to hospital with a variceal bleed, ascites and HE, and now in the final months of her life she wanted to be cared for at home. I knew there was only one place to be, with her, so I took on my mum's full-time care. My mum passed away at home in July this summer and now I sit back at home with a mountain of memories of our life and very much the replay of the last 8 months of my lovely mum's life, an experience I can't put into words still yet. So just sending out a lot of Love to those that have taken on their loved one's care, or are going through this now ❤️

17 Replies
Rshc profile image
Rshc

am so sorry for the loss of your mum. It must have brought so much comfort to her in her final months that you were beside her throughout it all. I cannot even imagine how you must be feeling having been through so much with her. Take care x

2022minks profile image
2022minks in reply to Rshc

thankyou xx

Adelou profile image
Adelou

💕

Dogbot profile image
Dogbot

Bless you 2022minks that must have been very hard for you because I know what my wife went through looking after me, I’m so sorry she lost the fight but she was probably happy to know you were there. You must have lot’s of wonderful memories with your mum well done 💕💕.

Stay safe All

Dogbot 🐶🌈

2022minks profile image
2022minks in reply to Dogbot

thankyou yes have some very precious memories to hold xx

Alibaba80 profile image
Alibaba80

Was your mum not eligible for a transplant?

2022minks profile image
2022minks in reply to Alibaba80

No, as far as I know she was not considered for transplant. I know my mum had opted out of any intrusive procedures ie camera investigations and biopsy they felt wouldn't change the diagnosis, but there was never any paperwork or consultant's notes talking about transplant

teletonetapper profile image
teletonetapper

So sorry and sad for your loss. However, remember you did everything you could for your dear Mum until the end of her life. She always knew you would be there for her and, indeed you were. You will have very precious memories and, always remember, she looked after you in your younger years and obviously brought you up well with a good heart. Take care. x

2022minks profile image
2022minks in reply to teletonetapper

thankyou, yes was an honor to be there for her and make sure her wishes were kept right to her death, and she brought me into this world was only right I saw her off to paradise. She was my everyday and still is xx

redpoint72 profile image
redpoint72

Hello love.Well ..first,I'm sorry for you loosing your lovely mum....so many memories....cherish them . You seem a lovely thoughtful lady....certainly heart in the right place 🙂. It takes an awful long time for things to settle down...I know only to well, I lost my lovely dad earlier this year, to a fall,dad suffered with Parkinson's. I was his carer...and it really was a privilege to care for him...its myself with liver cirrhosis. It's just time,that's needed. Although I still have not good days...

Being a carer,takes alot of commitment, love....of which you have...

Things will settle down abit in time....

Take care love.chris.

2022minks profile image
2022minks in reply to redpoint72

Hi Chris, sorry to hear about your dad, we I think are so privileged to know we have been able to be there at their most vulnerable time, to help ease some of the worst parts that end of life brings and also some of the most precious memories that this stage leaves with us. I think it also teaches us how precious life is so I hope you have a support network around you too ❤️

redpoint72 profile image
redpoint72 in reply to 2022minks

Thank you love. As you say,it really was a honor to look after dad. The roles completely reversed. Unfortunately love,I don't have many really supportive folk around me😔. This blt forum is really good ,some lovely folk on here, helped tremendous. But unfortunately when I was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis, due to drink,alot of folk I thought were good friends shunned me....was not a good period a few years ago. Although I've been abstinent from alcohol for,it will be 4 years next January. Yes from my previous experiences life can certainly be very fragile and very frightening times in hospital I do part time caring in the community now ....

Keep positive love.

My best chris

2022minks profile image
2022minks in reply to redpoint72

You are never alone on here, being brave enough to post what you are going through or worried about will help ease your path and well done for ditching the drink, that one thing will really help keep your liver happier xx

Readlots profile image
Readlots

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with others who are caring for those at home. My experience with Mum sounds very much like yours and it was, as you say, a privilege. Not everyone can have or wants a transplant. I’m a year further on than you, my Mum died in July 2021 and it will get easier to live around the hole they leave. The memories become fonder and less painful as you get used to them not being here. This time of year is particularly hard so I have huge admiration for you for thinking of those caring for loved ones at this time. I’d like to add my voice to yours sending love to those who are caring for loved ones - it’s tough but do worthwhile.

2022minks profile image
2022minks

thank you and sorry to hear about your mum too and wow a year apart for our lovely mums. yes, today hits hard being a year since her discharge into my care, and those memories as clear as day, I'm going to start fundraising over the next 8 months in mums memory so I think that will help me thru xx

LemonMeringue15 profile image
LemonMeringue15

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum. You sound like you cared very well for her at the end and she will have known that even if she maybe couldn't express it.My children lost their dad in June. They weren't with him at the end but a close relative was and I know that relative both struggled with the final moments but also found some comfort from them. It had been such a chaotic rollercoaster for all of us trying to deal with the fallout from alcoholic liver disease.

I hope you are looking after yourself and not expecting too much, it is still early days in your grief. But I hope you are managing to do some nice things too x

Lufc97 profile image
Lufc97

That's nice

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