Going through a seperation from my husband, reason being I completelystopped drinking after I was diagnosed with stage 3 cirrhosis. (NAFLD) 11 months ago, he thinks a few wont hurt since I havent been put on the list yet. Thoughts???
Till death do we part: Going through a... - British Liver Trust
Till death do we part
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raylene77
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Welcome to this awesome site. Here you will find loads of support and folks to laugh and cry with.
There is such a wide variety of folk here going through many different issues. You are sure to find someone who who will be such a support for you.
Well done for giving up drinking. I gave up 10 years ago. I find I like not drinking. That is just me. A personal opinion.
In my humble opinion a few will hurt. It’s a fact it can kill you.
Stay strong Raylene 77. Fight for your life.
I am not really qualified to advise you on pretty much anything really. LOL.
Each case is so different I guess. What I can do is send you a virtual hug 🤗 and tell you you should be SO proud of yourself.
Here you will find all you need from the many awesome people on this site. They hold your hand, walk beside you, spur you when you feel weak.
Stay strong, you are doing brilliantly.
Jaycee.
raylene77• in reply to
Thank you, feels good to hear that.
Poobear69• in reply to
You may not be qualified medically but you’re certainly qualified in giving heartfelt support. Your posts to other are always so genuinely kind. x
• in reply to
Nice post JC. So right on many fronts.
You weren’t giving advice as such (re your comment about not being qualified!) you were just stating your experiences and feelings - so that is great!!
Miles
There are no answers in the bottom of a glass, the issues remain. They have for me even after four years of abstinence and a transplant.
Seriously good luck.
Hello raylene, I hope you don't mind, but I'm sending you a private message.
I'm not sure if I fully understand the question. Are you asking if a few drinks with stage 3 cirrhosis will hurt you? Or are you asking our opinion on If leaving your husband over the fact that he thinks a few drinks wont hurt you is acceptable?
Poobear69• in reply to
👍
Which Wolf Do You Feed?
An old Cherokee [man] is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied:
“The one you feed.”
Hi 15 years sober and I have to say with the fantastic support my friends, family and wife I’m not sure I could have done it without them.
Lots of luck with your sobriety I wish you the best.
I am in kings College Hospital right now 🤞.
• in reply toDogbot
Hi Dogbot
Are you waiting for TP, or do you have HE?
Dogbot• in reply to
Went to kings College Hospital today they said I have done to well with the sobriety and my score was to low for a transplant.
So have to sort out varices and thrombosis and be under them for a year on warfarin.
So good news really 😃
I haven’t had a drink since 1989 when my husband was told he had hereditary haemachromatosis and alcohol would worsen his cirrhosis. If we had a £ for every time we’ve heard people say a few drinks won’t hurt. Our situation has separated the friends we need from those we don’t, the people who love us, from those who love themselves more. I wish you strength. Love yourself first.
In fairness, I don’t think people mean to say “a few drinks won’t hurt” in a bad way. I agree it’s insensitive to do so especially to someone who mustn’t drink or has given up. My friends had to be told repeatedly I’d stopped drinking before they got the message. They’re still my friends as I’ve known them ages, but I’d avoid new people who drink a lot.
Our experience has been that drink dependant people won’t take no for an answer. Unfortunately a number of our relatives fit this bill (even though they also have hereditary haemachromatosis) and for that reason we seldom see them, which is a shame.
Ok, then you’re right to avoid them.
My wife doesn’t drink, and even she doesn’t appreciate giving up alcohol is no small thing. She’ll buy bottles of wine for cooking and leave them open in the kitchen. Fortunately even I have the willpower to resist a sneaky swig, but it shows how others don’t appreciate an ex-drinker’s mindset.
I don’t understand the craving, but I’ve seen grown men weeping because they’ve fallen off the wagon. Addiction is a terrible condition and my feeling is that people who fight it deserve all the help they can get.
• in reply toKev12564
Oh 🥥, don’t you tell/ask her not to do that ☹️.??
It would really stress me out that would ☹️😐😁. We try never to have vimto in the house. No we’re not 😇😇. But even buying a bottle for a thank you makes me feel guilty lol (yes, I know it’s not a very appropriate thing to buy but I don’t want to put down anyone else’s fun - and it’s cheap 😁👍😁👍).
Miles
Kev12564• in reply to
There are a few other big (750ml) bottles of wine lying around too, but they’re hers (for cooking or just unwanted gifts). I wouldn’t touch these as they’re not mine and I’d get told off😀
That’s kind of reassuring, though. A lot of alcoholics would drive 20 miles or more to buy alcohol, but I don’t even touch the stuff in my kitchen cupboard.
I am very fortunate in the fact that I am a very stubborn man (so my wife says 😂) and it’s my birthday today so I will buy wine for the table and beer for my friends . I myself really like the taste of Diet Coke so I’m happy 🎉
Hi Dogbot, happy birthday 😀 sorry to interrupt the birthday jollification , but I’ve read your posts with interest. You’e 16 years sober (well done, I’m 6 weeks 😀) but it seems you’re having a few liver health issues unfortunately. I would’ve thought your liver would’ve recovered after so long off the drink. Could I ask what happened, please? Sorry to be nosey, I’m just curious.
It’s purely because I was such an alcoholic, seriously if I told you what I drank you would not believe me. So just put it down to I have actually killed half my liver to the point that the doctors are continually looking for cancer, but the other half is doing really well. It’s an amazing organ is it not 😃
Hi Raylene,
Are you saying the separation is because you've stopped drinking?
I have cirrhosis due to alcohol, I'm not on the transplant list.
I have been told, categorically that if I want to save my life I must not drink.
Cirrhosis is cirrhosis, no matter what the cause.
A transplant isn't an easy magical fix, it's a last ditch, desperate attempt to keep someone alive.
And it's only offered to those who have shown that they have proactively taken control of their health.
Continued alcohol use is a definite contraindication in even being considered for the procedure.
Please stay strong, try not to let yourself be pressured into doing anything that will highly probably damage your liver further.
Time to be selfish about this, you and your health must take priority now.
Gary
• in reply toGaryvh
Really good comments Gary. I wish someone had said that to me when I first got ill.......
Miles
I'm still lost as to what the original question actually was..😅
raylene77• in reply to
Phoenix its not so much a question , but wanting thoughts of others.
raylene
Alcohol will damage your already damaged liver, it may not have been damaged by alcohol, but any alcohol you take now will only speed up this terrible disease (Stage 4 is end stage).
As part of the assessment and acceptance for transplant, you will need to show that you are complying with the recommendations of the health professionals, so even small amounts of alcohol MAY mean you fail the assessment.
I gave up the day I was told I have end-stage liver disease (they didn't use the work cirrhosis for some months), and never looked back (December 2015). It was too late for me and by October 2017 I was in need of a transplant, which fortunately I got very quickly.
Still don't touch the stuff, and never will, can't even stand the smell of it. My husband still drinks, and I have vowed not to have the 'holier than thou' attitude with him, but I still have the occasional dig when we are out and he is on his third pint, as I sit with my ginger beer or mocktail (he also smokes, so combined I have enough to dig him on healthwise, but only he can make the change)
Explain to your hubby, and others, that while you are not on the TP List yet, your liver can not function fully, therefore you need to avoid adding stressing to it by taking alcohol (even add paracetamol as your liver will also struggle with that).
Loved ones don't understand initially what a life changing event we are going through, but when it does click, you will find some of the best friends you will ever have, even if they are not the ones you started out with.
As they realise you are not asking them to change, but YOU have made your decision most will fall in behind you, and those who don't forget them, they obviously only really care for themselves.
George
I have seen just how difficult it is for so many people to stop drinking. The fact you have done this is a true validation of your strength of character.I find it incomprehensible that a husband or wife would encourage their 'loved' one to have a drink after a very tough fight? Several reasons spring to mind on this, one of which is about control? Your husband has lost any control he had over you, You are now in a position to ensure you put the most important person first, YOU! Your self esteem was bolstered by alcohol, You now have it in buckets full, and this will have changed your outlook on life. When people find their self esteem by whatever means, it ensures that no one can manipulate or or pretend they love you, when in fact they need to be in control. I was married to a passive aggressive. A very complex personality type, who had to be in total control,but came across to everyone as a really nice guy.When I finally felt confident enough to share , only my adult daughter had recognised he was not all he appeared. People who are taken in are called enablers, like me. Where as a PA cannot change, an enabler can, It sounds like you now have your self esteem right back, and can truly see now how you were living. This is the most likely reason for wanting to separate are now the you that was hidden/squashed , and was perhaps needy at times? Not anymore, Now you have regained your self esteem you will value it totally. You may meet some friends from the past, who will see the old you they knew and loved.You should be feeling very proud at what you have achieved. Feel free to message me, Its taken a lot of reading and learning about PA. You probably didnt realise it was happening, Hazelx
He is being selfish as he has lost his drinking partner.
• in reply to
Well possibly yes, there's alot of validity to that no doubt, but alot of people dont get that cirrhosis means no drinking ever. They think as long as you dont get smashed everyday it should be fine. It's not an uncommon ignorance. And since raylene77 basically asked our thoughts about if or not any drinking was ok in the initial post. I'd say its fair to assume he didnt quite know as she seemed not to be sure even herself right? Gotta look at it from a perspective of the general public view. They dont know what we now know and to be honest when I first got out of the hospital I didnt quite know that no drinking meant no drinking ever either.
• in reply to
I don’t know who initiated the separation, however you make valid points.
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