I'm back after a Hiatus, I want to post this to help people have an end goal to help them strive to stay abstinent.
My first drink was vodka and a carton juice from the corner shop at age 13 behind the football field, Its kind of a ritual where I am from, you are exposed to heavy drinking from Birth really it's everywhere but when you start "Courting" is when you begin to taste it for the first time, I was indifferent to drink I didn't much enjoy it I just used it socially because "That's what people do" I drank on weekends and student nights up until age 20-21 relatively without any problems.
At age 20-21 my mental health rapidly deteriorated I went from Training to being a personal trainer at college 5 days a week working out constantly and having a purpose, to sitting in my room playing my game eating junk, just neglecting myself, I continued to drink on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays but there was no reward system now I was just drinking to socialise when it should have been the reverse.
I remember the exact moment when my drinking started to spiral, It was a Thursday I walked to my friend, house "James" to do our weekly pilgrimage to a student pub in town, I suffered one of my first panic attacks, I didn't freak out with the fear of my friend suspecting I was broken and weird, what seemed like an eternity finally came to a close we arrived at the pub "what you having mate? "Get me a pint" I've never downed a drink so quick, my anxiety started to subside, Wow! I thought this is great I've been suffering silently at home, "what are you having mate?" I've still got a full pint said James I hastily rushed to the bar, I remember the queue being large, I bumped through everyone completely out of character I didn't care if it escalated physically, Pints flowed that night and I felt a relief from my anxiety for the first time in months, I was on cloud 9.
Ever since that night, my mind made a direct colleration between Ilness>Alcahol>Relief, I had no idea what I was self-medicating I knew I wasn't right but I didn't know I was Ill.
up until the age of 24 I practised this method, not conversing with anyone about what I was doing my tolerance for alcohol was going up and It was noticeable, I was necking 10 pints in the pub and my anxiety was clawing me for the 11th, Every trip home from the pub was accompanied by a stop to the 24 hr off license, I was now not willing to be without alcohol by my side if I was walking the corner shop I needed to have a stache of Ale somewhere on me, Just in case of a panic attack mid walking.
It progressively got worse and I wasn't working so I began to steal, I stole my Girlfriends purse, my Mothers handbag, I cashed in my cousins Laptop, I was in and out of hospitals with seizures from trying to come off the ale altogether, That cemented my Idea that I couldn't be anywhere without alcohol on my person.
Needless to say, my Mother had been through every emotion you could possibly fathom, I was her baby, she wanted so much more for me, she never wanted harm to befall me, My last Binge last 12 months I wouldn't move out of bed I was drinking 20 cans of lager for 6 months then graduated to a litre of vodka every day for another 6 months, I know what your thinking where was the money, who was buying you it well the truth is It was my Mum she was trying to get me sober because I would promise every time, that I would get sober just don't let me go cold turkey again (basically paying on her motherly instincts).....Makes me sick to think of the person that I was back then.
My family Dr, Dr Hussey was called out I hadn't eat, 2 weeks and couldn't stop spewing he walked in to what must have looked like Homer Simpson Yellow to the bone swollen and unable to move, an ambulance was called shortly after, My last drink was a vodka inside of a Lucozade bottle inside the Royal Liverpool Hospital Christmas eve 2017.
I was diagnosed with Hepatic Liver and spent some time in Intensive care with low potassium, Im here to tell the tale and Live a happy and full life, My mother has passed now she never got to see the person I become but I live now for her memory, she gave her life so I could have a good one, and that's what I intend to do Love you Mum x
If your on the path of sobriety Keep on Truckin! 2 years sober and I'm fully healed all bloodwork and scans are perfect, no underlying remnants of disease
Thanks for Listening to my story, I'm not the best at writing but I tried my best.
How damaged could my liver be?
Quick update 
arld advice 
Relationship with alcohol
Six years sober today! 
