I don’t have a particular question, I just wanted to tell someone about what is happening with me and I don’t want to bother my family.
I think it is very like many other stories written on this forum (sorry to those who have read these over and over again)- I am 35, female and have been a very heavy drinker for 15 years. In my twenties I put it down to trying to have fun and then as a way to deal with my anxiety and depression (which is super smart, given that alcohol makes anxiety worse). Last year I finally came to accept I am an alcoholic and stopped drinking. But it is complicated by the fact that I am very overweight (as in 100+ pounds overweight). I feel my realisation that I need to look after my mental and physical health has come far too late. One of the things that prompted that realisation is daily right upper quadrant pain. I went to the doctor- normal LFTs, normal ultrasound, my doctor was still concerned given my combination of risk factors and the pain. She wrote to a heptologist, who advised a further series of blood tests (not the ELF test or anything- it was PT/INR and clotting time or something similar). He said if they came back fine, I was unlikely to have advanced liver disease- and they came back fine. So I went away and tried to concentrate on being healthier. My RUQ pain had gone. I got CBT therapy, until I could no longer afford it in the late autumn. I did not drink but I only lost around a stone in weight (14 pounds). I had a relapse in the Christmas period, something which I am very ashamed of. The RUQ pains came back. I am now 13 days sober.
I have made another GP’s appointment (for this Wednesday), but I was feeling quite positive, despite everything until this weekend when I noticed spots on my chest, which I am about 90% sure are spider angiomas (not that I am a doctor). So after months of anxiety about my health I am basically now in a state where I can barely keep it together at work. I know that multiple spiders in drinkers have a very high specificity for the late stages of liver disease (i.e. alcoholic hepatitis and/ or cirrhosis). I know this is my own fault and I should have been more proactive in dealing with my mental health problems in my twenties. I am scared of getting ill and dying, but also I feel so awful for what I have put my family though- and what they will go through it I am very ill.
Anyway- any good vibes sent my way would be appreciated.
Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting.
If you need to give the helpline another call we are open until 14.45 today and again tomorrow at 10am.
Hang in there, soon you can see your GP for a proper physical examination. Try to focus on the postives, how you are trying to improve your health and you are sober.
Sending warm wishes
Thanks, that’s kind. I am doing OK, just I know if these are spiders it is far more likely that any liver damage is advanced and it can be associated with a poorer prognosis. I am just trying to concentrate on my work until Wednesday. I might give you a call tomorrow if that’s OK.