I don’t have a particular question, I just wanted to tell someone about what is happening with me and I don’t want to bother my family.
I think it is very like many other stories written on this forum (sorry to those who have read these over and over again)- I am 35, female and have been a very heavy drinker for 15 years. In my twenties I put it down to trying to have fun and then as a way to deal with my anxiety and depression (which is super smart, given that alcohol makes anxiety worse). Last year I finally came to accept I am an alcoholic and stopped drinking. But it is complicated by the fact that I am very overweight (as in 100+ pounds overweight). I feel my realisation that I need to look after my mental and physical health has come far too late. One of the things that prompted that realisation is daily right upper quadrant pain. I went to the doctor- normal LFTs, normal ultrasound, my doctor was still concerned given my combination of risk factors and the pain. She wrote to a heptologist, who advised a further series of blood tests (not the ELF test or anything- it was PT/INR and clotting time or something similar). He said if they came back fine, I was unlikely to have advanced liver disease- and they came back fine. So I went away and tried to concentrate on being healthier. My RUQ pain had gone. I got CBT therapy, until I could no longer afford it in the late autumn. I did not drink but I only lost around a stone in weight (14 pounds). I had a relapse in the Christmas period, something which I am very ashamed of. The RUQ pains came back. I am now 13 days sober.
I have made another GP’s appointment (for this Wednesday), but I was feeling quite positive, despite everything until this weekend when I noticed spots on my chest, which I am about 90% sure are spider angiomas (not that I am a doctor). So after months of anxiety about my health I am basically now in a state where I can barely keep it together at work. I know that multiple spiders in drinkers have a very high specificity for the late stages of liver disease (i.e. alcoholic hepatitis and/ or cirrhosis). I know this is my own fault and I should have been more proactive in dealing with my mental health problems in my twenties. I am scared of getting ill and dying, but also I feel so awful for what I have put my family though- and what they will go through it I am very ill.
Anyway- any good vibes sent my way would be appreciated.