Getting so tired of it all

[Hanc]

Hi All,

I'm sure most of you all have read my posts of my struggles with alcohol, since I lost my job (Non alcohol related), my partner and love of my life left me (non alcohol related), and my dear Mum passed away. For the past two months I have relapsed big style again again as some of you know (drinking 10 pints of 4% lager a night). I know some people will say this is crazy, but at the start without drinking I fear as to what I may have done. Also alot of people on here are not the actual drinker but have lived with one, and this is in no way a criticism, as many were great support to their drinking loved ones and still are. But as of now my depression is so great and my self esteem so low and I have no one close anymore in my life to help me fight, in fact if I had I wouldn't be in this state as for the 20 years I was with my partner I hardly drank. Now I feel there is no point stopping, even though I know it's wrong and harmful. I have no one close anymore to stop for and my self esteem is that low not even for myself. It's a tortourous situation and I hate everytime I drink, but in my 50's with no job and little chance of getting a new one, no partner and my Mum gone I just feel defeated. People say when they stopped drinking they felt better, I didn't, I felt worse. I feel I have harmed my liver over it all, but am at a loss, Sorry for the morose post and I hope all of you are good. Thanks for listening. I did not mean to offend anyone. I would not wish this situation on my worst enemy.

[mncold]

Hi Hanc,

Please look to see if you can get some professional help for your depression. I'm sure you are aware that life can look even harder than it may be when you aren't feeling well.

Best wishes,

Mary

[Blondiee30]

Hanc

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it all. I'm sorry for your losses. I don't blame you for being so depressed. I agree with mncold maybe you should get some therapy or medication or both for the depression. Always remember your life matters so much. You have to remind yourself that you need to keep your chin up and try to do what you can do to keep yourself going. If you need to talk let me know. I will listen if you need to talk.

[Hidden]

Hanc

Thank you for posting in what must be a very stressful time.

As the other forum members have already suggested, could you consider making an appointment with your GP to discuss your alcohol use and also your underlying depression?

If you are, or have ever been, alcohol dependent or an alcoholic, discuss this with your doctor. In these circumstances it is important to get medical help to give up drinking, as stopping suddenly can, in some cases, lead to severe withdrawal symptoms, including hallucinations and seizures. There are many sources of support and help they can give you or direct you to locally.

You may also want to consider organisations like AA?

alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

You are not alone and there is help and support out there.

Take care and very best wishes

Trust1

[Hidden]

Welcome back. I think as member we have said all we can say as far as advice goes. You need to see someone about your mental struggles that are inducing the alcoholism.

[Hidden]

You keep arriving at the same spot and it's hard I know. But professional help I think is necessary. I wish I had of taken that route when I had the chance

[moonbeam4]

I was in your position 2 yrs ago, i was told if i didn,t stop drinking i would be dead within the year. It was the struggle of my life, i stopped a d then relapsed many times until i finally quit for good. I have been left with cirhosis and other problems but i am alive and kicking e and grateful for every day. In the end even the threat of dying was not enough to make me stop, as the doctor said it was as if i was commiting slow suicide, i didn,t care. However, it was when i found out how slow and painful dying from cirhosis can be, the edema etc ,, that i was pulled up short, it was certainly not the quick death i had imagined!. Please don,t give up on giving up. If i managed it ( and i spent days curled up on the floor sobbing with dispair ) you can do it, YOU ARE WTTGTTTTV G GTR 55555 , Q

[Hanc]

Thanks for all the kind replies all, I am on antidepressants and have seen both a grief and addiction councillor, it is the lonliness and despair and hopelessness that I feel that keep me looking for that numbness. I thank you all for your kind and good advice and will give it another try and hope I can find the mental strength from somewhere.

[AyrshireK]

Hi Hanc, you need a new and fulfilling hobby or suchlike to divert your attention away from the things that are making you so low. Can you involve yourself in some voluntary work or a new pastime ? that will get you out and about mixing with folks that doesn't involve drink this will lead you into new friendships and take away the lonely times and solitude.

You're a young guy yet and whilst things might seem a bit sh*t just now it can get better. At the moment it doesn't seem like you've got any health difficulties with your liver to contend with on top of everything else so lets try and beat this and get you on the path to a brighter tomorrow.

I've got a great pal who has been a carer for his disabled wife for years, they've had their major ups and downs and he ended up having to give up his job due to developing serious anxiety and depression himself - I guess his body and mind just had enough.

Anyway he went on the happy pills but mean while started attending a carers project as a 'patient' if you like, he got counselling, attended 'mindfulness' sessions and all sorts. Eventually he has become a mentor for others, he runs the same projects men's group now and is also a befriender for a guy who was isolated and alone and struggling with independent living. He is now feeling a whole lot better in himself even though home life is still rocky with his wife's fragility. They also adopted a dog (a smiling staffy) who has put smiles on the whole families face. PLUS walking the dog has brought healthy exercise into their lives and a social circle - dog walkers chat to one another.

Life can be turned around, grab the opportunity for a fresh start and brighter tomorrow.

Thoughts with you and wishing you all the best wishes in the world.

Katie

p.s. you'll never find happiness at the bottom of your glass ....... I know you know this but your happy pills won't be working whilst you are drinking. They are trying to lift your wellness but drinking copious amounts of a depressant drug (alcohol) is actually knocking out any positive effects your tablets will be having.

[Wass71]

Hanc, I'm so terribly sad to hear you're suffering so much. I may not have had struggles with alcohol, but I have with depression, and have had very close encounters with alcoholism.

Please please try to remember you won't feel this way always? Everyone has down and up days, currently you are in an extreme down, it doesn't mean you'll stay that way. Currently you are lonely, but who knows next week you could meet the best friend you've ever had!! Life sometimes is tough, and for some this can feel like a mountain they can't climb, but remember that climb starts with one step!!

Its a difficult time of the year, and alcohol is hard to avoid when supermarkets are discounting all drinks for Xmas. Be realistic and don't beat yourself up, it probably makes more sense to set yourself the goal of stopping in the new year, and getting things in place for that time. You know that alcohol is a depressant, so although at the time you think its helping, it really isn't. It probably makes your antidepressants less effective ( that's if you are remembering to take them).

I don't want to seem heartless in reminding you of my previous posts to you regarding my sisters horrible death at 41 due to alcohol, but however awful you feel, you don't want to end up like that, please please try to climb out of that hole!!!

Use the Internet to find a support group that might suit you, see you gp urgently. You would not be wasting their time, this is an urgent reason to see your Dr!! You need help and support. I'm sure your mum would want you to be happy, and move forward with your life. I heard someone say once the best way to honour those you've lost is to live your best life!!

With very many best wishes, I'm keeping everything crossed that you manage to see a brighter future.

Please take care,

E x x