I'm sure most of you all have read my posts of my struggles with alcohol, since I lost my job (Non alcohol related), my partner and love of my life left me (non alcohol related), and my dear Mum passed away. For the past two months I have relapsed big style again again as some of you know (drinking 10 pints of 4% lager a night). I know some people will say this is crazy, but at the start without drinking I fear as to what I may have done. Also alot of people on here are not the actual drinker but have lived with one, and this is in no way a criticism, as many were great support to their drinking loved ones and still are. But as of now my depression is so great and my self esteem so low and I have no one close anymore in my life to help me fight, in fact if I had I wouldn't be in this state as for the 20 years I was with my partner I hardly drank. Now I feel there is no point stopping, even though I know it's wrong and harmful. I have no one close anymore to stop for and my self esteem is that low not even for myself. It's a tortourous situation and I hate everytime I drink, but in my 50's with no job and little chance of getting a new one, no partner and my Mum gone I just feel defeated. People say when they stopped drinking they felt better, I didn't, I felt worse. I feel I have harmed my liver over it all, but am at a loss, Sorry for the morose post and I hope all of you are good. Thanks for listening. I did not mean to offend anyone. I would not wish this situation on my worst enemy.