Any reassurance if I’m not drinking? Not sure I was drinking too much but not taking chances

[kron]

I have never drank regularly but am what I someone who drinks to avoid panic atracks when I go out. They strike without warning. I haven’t had a drink in 6 months and even before then I rarely drank, most times not even weekly and not excessively, except when forced to go far from home.

. I never drank at home for “the fun of it.” .or to relax. I never drank at home, never.

I have had therapy for years and even tried different therapists . I’m still seeing a therapist. I keep meds to a minimum except for an anti depressant ( which helps a little). I really, really want to cope .

I hope someone here understands. It’s not something that is overcome by willpower or gutting it out. I was raised by very protective parents who taught me, from a young age, that the world was dangerous. They never wanted me to leave home but at least I did that much. But I fight their messages every day.

I’ve had to avoid many social situations and make excuses to limit drinking. Because alcohol I s the only thing that truly works but I refuse to physically harm myself, even if I’m more isolated.

My liver tests have all been normal so far. My cholesterol is,high, runs in the family, so I am supposed to take a statin but...no surprise here...I’m afraid it will hurt my liver

Here’s my concern:

There were years where I drank too much because I was forced into frequent situations that made me very, very anxious and panicked.otherwise; situations like having to care for dying parents in hospitals far away or frequent social events ( (marriages, funerals).

I know I can only move on from here, day by day, but can anyone here provide some comfort and reassurance that I may possibly not have caused permanent harm? I know there are no guarantees but I’m afraid of early dementia or death or permanrnt liver damage, not yet detected but there]

. My mother lived to nearly 100 and rareky drenk, perhaps a beer once or twice a year , amazingly.

Is it possible I could have a normal lifespan and mental status and intelligence? I’m In tears writing this and ashamed of my weakness. But it’s real. .

[kurtymac]

Kron, first take a deep breath and relax. You sound an awful lot like me, I have panic attacks to the point I faint. I have to grab my wife or I'm going to drop, I had to take a knee in the middle of the supermarket about a week ago because I was having one. Your liver is fine, you need to drink in excess everyday for about 10-20 years to get permanent damage to your liver aka cirrhosis. Are some people susceptible to damage with less? Yes, but thats the overall consensus and you would have symptoms. Your labs are fine, you dont have symptoms of liver damage. The amount of drinking you have done doesn't sound excessive. What you need to do is find a better way to dealing with panic attacks. Xanax works for me but even that can be a slippery slope. The good thing is it isn't liver toxic. I had to care for my dad who died of cancer in 2014, at the same time I was injured in the Army and kicked out. I get it, I look back at what he went through and fear every two seconds that I'm next. I had drug induced hepatitis from tylenol that was in my painkillers. I took a normal dose but it tons out I might have hemocromorosis si I was more susceptible to liver damage. However, my liver has healed and I feel really good. When I was sick I knew it the symptoms are unmistakable. Sure enough my blood work was bad AST and ALT 4 times the upper limit of normal and I knew exactly what caused it. What I'm getting at is if your liver was damaged it would show up in your albumin, globulin, bilirubin A/G ratio, Platetlets, INR. There's a lot more that goes into looking at liver labs than meets the eye. If your doctor says everything looks good and you dont have any flags, you're in good standing.

[kron in reply to kurtymac]

Thank you. This is reassuring. I am not judgmental of others choices wboutvalcohol but if it wasn’t for panic I would never drink or at least very little. I don’t crave it. I don’t yearn to be drinking when I’m home. But after I had a strong panic attack last year i’ve become too nervous to talk myself out of it when I’m out and about. I’ve also been taking long walks daily , within a block of home, and it has helped some. . I’ve heard exercise helps offset some of alcohols effects.

[Reven7]

Hi there.

FIrst off its not a weakness, you might be surprised to find that this has happens/has happened to quite a few people, me included. So dont feel like you are alone with this problem.

I began to get very bad panic attacks in social situations. Couldnt even go to the shops and stand in line without beginning to freak out, sweating and shaking. Always thinking everyone was staring at me. Shopping centers were a no go, unless i was drunk to deal with it. Alcohol helped me overcome the problem to the point i became dependent on it.

It became a vicious circle. Drink to get rid of the panic attack when infact the panic attacks were made worse by drinking.

After quitting alcohol for good, the doctor prescribed me medication (Efexor) to help with the panic attacks, combined with relaxation techniques such as breathing and reassuring myself that im not going to passout, suddenly die in public.

Over the years ive put myself back into public places in gradual steps, testing the waters and seeing how far i can go before retreating to a safe spot where i can breathe again. Its to the point now where i can go shopping without a problem, even go to public events and not retreat.

You just have to remember that as much as your mind creates the worst possible situation, its not going to to happen. You arent going to pass out, fall to the floor or die.

Theres no quick fix, it just takes time until you feel comfortable and confident to tackle a situation. Dont be forced into situations that will put you at risk of an attack.

Remember to breathe deeply and relax. go at your own pace and over time It does get better.

[kron in reply to Reven7]

Thank you fircpassing on this hopeful message.

[Kingsleybones in reply to kron]

Amen to that. The trouble people go to to reach out and support each other on this forum is amazing. Remember that too Reven, what a lot of people there are in the world who would just like to help and take care of you and each other. It’s not all scary stuff.