Depression at peak

I've been crying badly , it comes to my mind on and off that death will take my husband away .This depression I've been suffering since childhood when I lost my parents to death has now become deadly.I need to be strong to care for my husband but I myself am getting weaker day by day due to stern depression. I don't know what to do except for crying.

[Millie09]

Hi Sarahussaine, sorry to hear about about your parents, I lost both mine too , my dad 4 yrs ago to secondary brain cancer and my mum 28 years ago at the age of 51. What's happening with your husband ? I totally understand how you feel as I was the same way as you. I did find the strength to care for my dad, don't ask me how as I was struggling myself with anxiety, and as a recovering alcoholic with cirrhosis it was so hard not to want to drink .unfortunately that came after his passing. Is there anyone else is the family that you can talk to ? Or your Dr? Have you got any support plans in place at all? Trust me your full of emotions right now. Don't think about the what ifs or the how can I cope etc.. do what I never did and ask for support. You Don't have to be alone through all of this, try not to ponder as things are out of your control. Keep strong. Sending you my best, Linda ☺

[Hidden in reply to Millie09]

Hi Linda am sorry to hear about your parents and your situation my dear.my husband was diagnosed with chronic hepatitis B 9 months back but his viral load was getting low but on 18th of last month they sent my husband for a fibroscan as his viral load in the blood was quite high and the doctor said he had a cirrohsis and they will send him for a biopsy in a month or so. Apparently no symptoms only lossof appetite. The cirrohsis news have been dire or me and the thoughts overwhelm me that I am going to lose him. I was 5 and half yearsold when my father and mother were killed and since then I suffered depression and am on anti depressants for last 9 years.I am alone in Sweden with my husband having a 6 months daughter. I whenever made a phone call to his mom , his mom does not care at all neither his siblings. And my siblings are far away in Pakistan even they don't have time to listen to me. I made a call today to his doctor to give us an appointment for discussing​ all my fears with her but her assistant​ said she wants to have a biopsy and even the biopsy is so late , said may be after a month.

[Millie09 in reply to Hidden]

Oh bless, I am sorry to hear all you are going through; and the fact of losing both your parents at such a young age too. Try not to worry; I have had cirrhosis now 9 years, I was given 6 months to live in 2008 , and thank fully I am still here even though my liver is not working so good now. In situations like this especially as you have depression and feel alone it is going to make things feel worse. Yes , your husband has only just been told he has cirrhosis but that does not mean a death sentence, it's good that a biopsy is being done, and yes the waiting time is the same over here in UK, infact even longer. I would continue to keep on at your husbands doctor, I have to do that myself or I would be getting no answers or the care I needed. Why not try talking to your own dr , even if it's the same one, they have a duty of care to their patients to look after you. If non of the family wish to be of any help then leave them to it .They are the least of your worries right now .i do hope you can find some sort of support as you need it . If you ever need a chat you are welcome to message me 😊

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

So nice and kind of you Linda ☺with your kind and loving words I found strength.

[Hidden]

Hi Sara. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, with a baby and a sick husband, but no family support. No wonder you feel like crying. Do you have any friends you can talk to? Another young mother or a neighbour perhaps? I certainly think you should ask your doctor if they can provide some counseling for you. Also try to make sure you have some time to yourself everyday, even if it is only a short walk outside in the park ( even if you have to take the baby, it's still a break) 😘

[fizzix50]

It sounds trite, but over time it will get easier. Are you on any medication to help with the depression? My GP was massively sympathetic when my husband was diagnosed. Try to concentrate on the baby, and on the good things in your life. My OH family are useless as well, I don't know if they don't care, or are just freaked out by the diagnosis. We are not in general as a species skilled in handling death or the possibility of it; we are all mortal but choose to try and deny that; there are times when I wish I had a formal religion to hold on to, to give strength. As it is I am a pagan and know everything is a cycle of life. You are still in shock I guess at the diagnosis - it might be helpful to read up as much as you can so you are informed - sometimes it is the not knowing that is more frightening than the reality itself. So sorry you don't have family support, that makes it so much harder for you. To try and help I write down three things when I wake up each morning I am grateful for - whether it be a sunny day, the gift of my son, or a stranger's smile - it sounds really cheesey and trite, but I think it does help. I hope it gets better for you soon......

[carllovatt]

one day at a time, if a whole day is scary the next hour.

you do need to speak to someone. a counselor or the DR,

you should see the DR for some something to help your day, most DR's these day would under medicat

the docs would be a good place to look for the help you need

[catrinamakes]

Please try and not look to far ahead and just take one day at a time. I had cirrhosis for 6 years and i am now stable , wasnt expected to live a couple of times . I have a different life now but a good one with the loving support of my husband. You need someone support to carry you through the dark days , have a look whats around locally. Ready to speak to you anytime.

Catrina

[Geffy22]

Aw hunny, how awful for you all.

Depression is so debilitating.

My story is hubby suddenly become jaundice seemingly overnight, he was hospitalised and told he would recover sufficiently and may poss need a transplant - but he caught pneumonia and he had a bad reaction to antibiotics and died. i can completely empathise with where you are - you're probably reacting to the shock of the diagnosis and have already started mourning.

Ive been on anti depressants since then - they have been extremely helpful because before them, i just wanted to die too even though we had kids, i didnt want to face no future.

But your hubby has cirrohsis which does not mean he will die suddenly at all. Many people on here have been living with cirrohsis for years, so dont give up hope.

Please go and see your doctor, do they offer counselling in Sweden? I found counselling a great help too, this was why i then went to my gp for anti depressants.

Sending you strength xoxo

[andrenaw]

i am so sorry you are in pain might not b physical but i bet u wish it was as u could take pain killers i lost my sister on xmas eve have been living with depression for a long time due to bad life choices its hard to know what came first the bad choice or the depression please take comfort that you can beat this please learn to like yourself and care for yourself you are worth it

[Hidden]

Thank you so much all of you for your great , affectionate and loving words. I don't have even friends. I am alone here in Sweden. I wish I had some friends here but I am always confined to room. I've no friends,family support moreover I've been visiting a psychiatrist here in Sweden for last 9 months but they don't give frequent appointments , they give me an appointment almost after 2 months or so and whenever I make a call to his assistant she talks about taking antidepressants only and nothing else. I do take antidepressants Fluoxetin , and used paroxetine for several years. Without antidepressants my brain goes numb and useless

[andrenaw in reply to Hidden]

i am sorry you r so alone to far away i am in glasgow i also take fluxotine but trying to cut down so only taking every second day i have been writing down my thoughts it is national mental health week so lots of help if u can log on that was their idea to get the thoughts on paper can clear u mind try and remember it is a chemical imbalance just like any other illness it has symptoms it is nothing u have done please take care remember being alone is not loneliness i am more lonely in a room with lots of people

[Hidden in reply to andrenaw]

Ohh so nice of nice you Andrenaw dear. I wish I could help you combat depression as i have been suffering from it since i was in grade 5 and i want to be a great solace for those who suffer from this pernicious disease. Not everyone understand depression i when always talked to my husband about my depression even he could not understand it may be because he was suffering internally from cirrohsis (such a bad disease) and i did not know he was suffering i thought if he was ok and didnt want to understand my derpression. Thus sometimes we had a brawl but now i regret every moment that i should not have ever fought with him as he had been suffering internally and i did not know it .( cirrohsis)

[andrenaw]

we argue with those we love be kind to yourself wene u remember both of you were in pain

[Hidden in reply to andrenaw]

How r u doing with medication

[andrenaw]

good and bad days keep thinking that it is the end and getting scared ty