Morning

Morning all,, i trust you guys are getting there. Up date on hubby,Sorry seems a daily thing lately changes all the time.

Well hubby missed the whole of his birthday. He has been sleeping 33 hours now, he has stirred a few times thank goodness.

I decided to go to bed at midnight and was afraid when i got into bed that i would disturb him and he would get up, but i got into bed, he did wake up but was sluggish speaking, Gave him a kiss and cuddle and fell off to sleep.

I woke up at 7 am to the noise of the rubbish truck and remembered that i hadnt put the rubbish out, so i dived out of bed and put the rubbish out. Hubby never stirred so i checked he was still breathing phew he was.

I know it sounds good in a way that it means he hasnt drank in 33 hours but because of the amount he drinks anyway everyday is just topping up. But also means he hasnt had any fluids down him either.

I dont know what today will bring, im hoping its not the end, i dont think i could bear to loose him just yet, I was talking to my daughter yesterday and i said i dont think he is going to last to christmas, she said well mum he looked grey at the party and he had no control over his body because when he was trying to eat cake he was slouching, she seemed concerned and then she spoilt it by saying i hope its not going to be christmas eve or christmas day he goes, that would spoil christmas, Yes she can say some hurtful and mindless things many times. I try to ignore her.

Take care all..

33 Replies

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  • Lyn,

    Can you get any practical support via your GP's? They can organise for the community nursing team to come and help you and advise you especially if your husband is not drinking any fluids. Can you ring them today?

    Again, if you need to talk please do ring the helpline...

    Best wishes,

    Rebecca

  • Thankyou rebecca.

  • Ha now that would be funny to say albe,,,as i have said the dr knows now whats wrong and ive put down what she says..Oh my daughter can be very mean, shes mean to be alot, we have fallen out many times over the way she is, she can be loving and supportive one min and mean the next i just ignore her.

    Thankyou albe your such an encourager and i love your humor :)

  • You poor thing. It's so horrific to watch someone's health decline like this. You must be permanently on tender hooks. Yes. I agree re support from community nursing team. 33 hours is a long time to sleep. I hope for all your sakes it is not at Christmas. It would be nice if hubby could be properly awake Christmas Day and enjoy a meal and time with you and the family. Whatever happens remember you have done your best. Sending you warm wishes. Xxx

  • thankyou susie , yes i am on tender hooks all the time. I hope so with the christmas meal n stuff but that would take a miracle and i dont believe in them.

    Yeah thats what i think i have tried by best i cant do anymore than i have..

  • I have just come back from hubbies dr i went on my own. I explained to her about my concerns for hubby sleeping so long, she asked me how much had he eaten before this happened and i said well within the last month he has eaten a slice of pizza,,peice of bacon,some beans and a few chips, she asked if thats it? yes..I told her that his legs are still swollen and painfull but the red ness is now just blotchy not all red, She said there are people that can go for a very long time without eating, i mentioned that he had fallen and blamed the legs and she said that because his muscles are waisting away that he doesnt have the power that me and you have with good muscles, they make him weak causing him to collaspe.. I mentioned scans to check his liver and she said that they dont see the point in doing the scan unless hubby agrees to stop drinking i said but woudnt the shock if something is wrong make him want to give up surley, she said he has already stated that if they did find something bad he wouldnt give up the drink anyway. So we would be waisting not just his time our time but also the hospital time where they could be scanning someone that really wants it. She said unfortuntly people like your hubby have been drinking for so long that no matter how ill they get they will always blame everything but the booze.

    She said all i can say is keep an eye on his breathing and if he finds it hard to breath i know you wil phone for an ambulance because that means that the fluid has gone from his legs to his lungs and that could be fatal.She said either that will happen or if it doesnt he could just slip into a deep sleep and his organs fail. She asked me if i had any support and i said only a few friends i talk to, so she gave me a number to ring and said you cant do this on your own, you done good so far taking care of him, she suggested have someone stay with him while i get a break, but told her i dont because everyone else i know is busy.

    So at least i know now. I got home,hubby woke up looked at me and said im going to get up and get some water in a bit, i said ok, you getting up now? he said no after il get up and went back to sleep.

    Nothing else i can do.

    Thanx guys you all a great support..

  • you must have been typing while i was lynn .oh dear im so sad for you and it was so good that you went to the doctors.the news was not what one would want to hear but that is the reality of the situation.my dear lynn my heart goes out to you. you have done all you can and tried to help him in every way you can. keep in touch darling and we are all here for you. love grace xoxoxo ❤️

  • ty grace

  • Very sorry to hear what's happening to yourself and your husband all I know what myself is either drink or drugs you must reach your own rock bottom in order to stop doing whichever is your drug of choice mine was drugs so I don't know to much about drink all I know is once that happens or doesn't then things will change if he doesn't well that is where he is at the moment just hope he finds his way to his own rock bottom before its to late peace and love and good karma bri xx

  • hi lynn66. its good that your still getting some help coming on the forum i think thats good advice from the british live trust to phone the doctor especailly if he's not drinking any fluids and even if he was drinking alcohol its de hydrating. also you could get some support from the nurse for yourself, it cant be doing your nerves any good all this worry and checking to see is he is still breathing, you must be a bag of nerves. well done on diving out of bed and getting the bins out. that gave me a bit of a giggle. where i live they come at 7.30.am on a sunday morning and what a racket they make as that lorry beeps when it moves backwards i always think of the poor people who go out to work and sunday should be the day when they get a long lye and not get woken up by rubbish collectors.i get annoyed every sunday you'd think i would have accepted it by now i'v lived here for nearly 20 years.your doing your best lynn what more can you do. god bless you hen. love grace xoxoxo🙏

  • aw ty Grace,

    I guess there is a possitive side of this, i get to do more of my book.:).Maybe some might think thats insensitive but its the only way to keep sane here because like you said im on edge sometimes thinking he has stopped breathing.

    Ha at the bins.

    Yeah i love the group.:)

  • yes lynn you keep going on your book and i will buy a copy. whats it about? or is that a secret?j id love to know, its not insensitive to say that you can do more of your book its a very wise thing to say and do because it will give you a chance to relax from all this horrible worry that you have. now i will close here as i dont want to remind you while your getting a chance to do your book. im sure it help to relieve you a bit. god bless you lynn. love grace xoxoxo❤️

  • Awe grace wish we lived closer would love to meet you face to face.:)..Yeah i been told by many many people that i should write a book.

    I cant say what its going to be called but its about a girls flight of survival through child hood and growing up.

    Catch you later :0..

  • Ha ha albe, dont watch that programme ,never have.lol.

  • I am sure it's hurtful to you, her words buts it's easy to forgive her because of her age and she does have a right to express her disappointment and fears plus I am sure she is angry. My father was an alcoholic but he was sober about age 64 and then at 80 died of liver cancer and it was all I had ever wanted the most in my life, to see him sober and I got that plus in death, facing it, he was very quiet and very noble. Aloha

  • She is 32 . hubby is not her father, she hasnt liked him from the first day we started going out, Unfortuntually before i met hubby she thought she controlled my life and when hubby came into my life she didnt like it, she was 27 at the time.

    My daughter has always been mean to me,dont get me wrong she has her good side and can be loving but she has said some very hurtful things even when i was on my own , some of the things she has said my other children have been horrfied and have pulled her up about it.

  • thats so sad; even though she may not like your choice of partner, it would be nice if she could be of comfort to you; you will need support if the worst happens xx

  • Well done re the book. Yes. It doesn't sound good re the visit to the doctor. With some people I guess they choose to basically die. But I know it's not as simple as that. It's so awful having any type of addiction. Trying to stop is so hard. You have to really want to or though you may not want to. You have to make a decision between life or death sometimes. I only hope there may be some hope. I'm trying to give up smoking. The silent killer. I have a partner with copd and cirrhosis! My mum died due to heart disease through smoking and still I'm really struggling! On a day to day basis I find it harder than giving up alcohol! Xx.

  • awe ty susie,, Im sorry that you have had to go through all that heartache ,its not nice. Hubby smokes as well and i dont think he will ever give that up .

  • Thanks Lyn, oh dear, hugs xx

  • Glad the doc was honest with you pls do call for help. Also watch out for bleeding and get him into a and e if he starts bleeding from the mouth they may be able to do something to stop it.

    Ref your daughter, she may just have a problem expressing herself nicely - what shes expressing is a fear that if he does pass away it would be even harder if it was on a celebratory day. And tbh she is right, it's awful enough without it being on a day everyone else celebrates.

    Bless you hun, sending you hugs xxx

  • Thanx geffy, unfrtunatly my daughter isnt thinking of everyone else when she says hope its not christmas eve or day, she is only thinking how it would be for her,, as i have said she can be very mean and have shocked others with some of the things she says,, and sometimes she says things because she thinks its funny but instead of everyone laughing with her they give her dirty looks.

    Yes i will get him into a and e if i need to.

  • She will know this is how she is perceived hun. Ive just met a lot of people in my life who can't express themselves well and it upsets them that they're not better understood (though they hide this). I've learnt to be tolerant but you know her better than I and I'm sorry she hurts you on top of everything else you have on your plate x

  • Well an update on hubby.

    He got up at 4,20 pm last night, he looked so rough but then i guess he would sleeping that length of time. He drank almost two pints of water, he said why am i so thirsty? i said because you are dehydrated. After he drank it he was soon back on the drink, he had gone almost two days not drinking it could have been a time to give up but then i guess i am living in hope.

    He opened all his presents and cards from his bd thursday and we talked about how he was feeling and stuff, i went to the bathroom about 10 pm,hubby was sat forward which thats how he sits anyway , i sat on the sofa with my feet up and hubby said something,, i leaned forward to ask him what he said and he was having a seizure, he slumped back and started shaking ,n holding his breath. He finally came around after what seemed like ages but was proberly only for a min and he was fine after that, but as usual he wanted to go on and on about it,(sounds aweful to say but when something happens to hubby he spends the next 2 days going on and on about it, but if something happens to me and i mention it twice he comments with yes i know ,in other words shut up, i have tried that one with hubby but he always makes me feel guilty for not listening to him). He tried to tell me that when he got out of bed earlier that he was thinking yes i have beaten this without any seizures ,im going to give it up, but if that was the case he wouldnt have reached for the drink within being up after 10 mins. He had had two and half glasses (which is 3 quarters full of vodka and the rest orange drink )before the fit

    2 am he suggested going to bed because i kept falling asleep, i was knackered and in alot of pain with my stomach, and he refused to let me go to sleep, kept wanting to talk about nothing and everything, at one stage i suggested we talk about it after we had both been to sleep but then he started accusing me of all sorts and going off on one about a comment a guy made to me, i lost it big time and he laughed and turned over to go to sleep, as i started falling asleep he started again. I did manage to fall asleep at half 3 , 4 am he woke me up to ask if i wanted a tea or an oxo drink, he got himself one, had a smoke and got back into bed.

    What i have done so bad to desreve to be treated like he treats me ill never know. I do everything i can to make sure that he is safe, alive even and this is how im treated? i dont get it but one thing i do know that all i have thought about since getting up is suicide, ( dont worry i wont do it because i have children to think about but it dont stop the thoughts).

    Sorry for going on and i hope you forgive me for doing so.

    Take care

    Lyn

  • I'm sure most of us have thought the situation is so bad there's only one option, but like you, most of us know that's not the answer and never will be.

    Take care of yourself x

  • Oh no... get him into hospital just call an ambulance and let the paramedics deal with it.

    He may be ill and you love him but having suicidal thoughts is serious tell someone that's close to you a friend or family to help. You are NOT a bad person and you DON'T deserve any of this but you can make a choice.

    Youve done enough and maybe it's time to take a step back.

    Maybe he needs to be in a hospice at this point?

    Sorry I'm so blunt but I understand what it's like to feel suicidal and it hurts. Stay safe think of you now you've done all you can. Hand over to medical professionals now.

    Xx

  • I guess i can understand why your daughter may have some bitterness as she sees all of what you are going through! He can't beat it on his own; he will have to be detoxed, any chance you can talk about a detox to him? He can't stop on his own. You are probably depressed yourself xx

  • just to let you know that im thinking of you lynn66 and wishing all the best for you. i do feel so much for you, god bless you dear. xoxo

  • Hi 🙋 Lyn

    U R AMAZING .....

    MY ETERNAL WISH 🌠 🌠 🌠

    4 U IS.....

    LOVE ❤ JOY PEACE ✌ & HAPPINESS 😊

    Kathy

    ❤ O''s X's

  • Hi Lyn, been thinking about your post and how to respond , I think you need a break and perhaps others need to care for your husband to allow you to do this , perhaps then he will appreciate everything that you have been doing .and the seriousness of his situation which is down to the choices he makes ....nothing at all to do with you . Please speak to your GP on Monday and put things in motion , you can't carry on like this its just not possible. Be kind to yourself xxx

  • dear Lyn, am new on here but there is a lot in your posts which I feel too. It's the illness, that's what I tell myself, that makes them so mean and thoughtless of how much it takes out of us to care/worry/tend/keep them going day after day and nights too. I try not to take it personally as I know rationally it is the illness which has changed him, but it still hurts and it sounds as if you have got so low and drained it is YOU that must be your first priority right now. Do you have a spare room? Can you get some rest away from hubby? I agree with poppy86 and blue-bells: get through Sunday and first thing on Monday phone for an ambulance and get him into hospital. From there hopefully the doctors will have a plan, for a hospice or at least for you to have respite care. Yes people ARE busy, family etc. and friends, but this is an emergency for YOU and they would hate it later if you didn't tell them you need them. I know it's so hard to ask but please try - even having one person come over and listen, or even change the bed or make you a meal, will really help you feel less alone. And you can ring your local samaritans - maybe talking about it to someone you don't know would give you some comfort - they are good listeners. I'll keep you and your hubby in my thoughts, please tell us here how things go, and sending you love and light xxxx

  • Great advice

  • Lynn_ MA who are you i'v been trying to find you as you have been liking so many of my posts i just want to thank you for that and also i do hope that your okay yourself as i cant find any posts from you on the forum. please say hello to me. love grace xoxoxo

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