Mastectomy site

Hi mastectomy ladies just want to ask if there is ever a good time to let partner/husband in my case your operation site. I feel need to show, but want to do it right and not for just the sake of saying "look what ive been through" if this makes sense. Thank you.

[Hidden]

Makes sense Hidden when did you have your surgery?

I showed my husband when I had the dressing off & as I had some seroma slushing around from under my arm to the middle of my sternum he saw that too.

I'm more 'sensitive' (not the right word but can't think of another) other than I prefer to be in my bra n pants when he's around!

When I'm dressed you'd never know l look just the same! 💁🏻

Mrs Nails 💅🏼

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Im 4 months post op, before with lumpectomy is didnt matter but im just a bit self conscious like u like my clothes . Suppose one day i will show him!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

When you're ready 💕And maybe in a 'matter of fact way' such as "Oh, My scars looking much better, do you want to see/or what do you think? Leaving the option with him 💕

[Lainey66]

Hi Gypsywhyte. I guess this is the one part that we all worry about in a sense. After my operation, I really was self concious about my 'shape' or lack of shape. It took me a couple of weeks to actually look at myself in the mirror. Once I got used to my appearance I asked my husband if he would like to see the scars, (about three weeks afyer my op). I guess he had a fear too. Initially he said tentatively that.he wasnt sure, but later that evening he asked if he could see them, so I shown them to him. He was amazed at how 'neat, they were (although I dont think they are that neat) he then hugged me and told me I was still beautiful. At which point I cried. The first time crying afer my surgery. It was a huge relief. He still holds me each night telling me he loves me. Now I don't mind my scars and am having them tattoed in March. I show them to people who are curious enough to ask. I really don't mind now . I hope this helps xxx

[Hidden in reply to Lainey66]

Hes a true gentleman great to hear your story your a lovely person Lainey you will not be long till you get your tattoo. Hows the drawings for it coming along?

[Lainey66 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 😀 I ammwaiting on the artist to send her designs to me. I will let you know when I have seen them 😀😀xxx

[Hidden in reply to Lainey66]

Lainey66 Everyone's only ever asks about how my hair's doing! 💁🏻

I saw an article last night I'll message you the link over!

Angela x

[Jenny1410]

As I had a small infection soon after and lots of soroma I went to the doctors and striped off asked hubby if he wanted to look he said no were do it together when all the bandages are off but in the mean time he was bathing me and washing hair changing plasters so I guess he saw what I saw but when everything was removed there was still a lot of brusing and stuff going on which I might add is still today so we haven't seen anything new yet al the time I was expecting a flat scar not got that yet

[Hidden in reply to Jenny1410]

Hi Jenny1410

I think while it's still an 'Operation Site' it's kind of a bit different, l think that's why I'm more of a Bra n Panties Gal now!

I thought the scar would be flat too, but I had a skin sparing Mastectomy as it was only the night before my surgery, my Consultant recommended l didn't have a reconstruction at the same time because of my underlying Medical condition & the fact I was on steroids so not healing was a big risk. But guess who healed perfectly with just lots of seroma to be drained, just goes to show.

I'm glad now I'd didn't have the reconstruction at the time & TBH l don't think l will as my other condition effects my muscles so I certainly don't want any moving from my back or anywhere else! 😱

Are you planning to have a reconstruction? When I went for my Prosthetic l wore a horizontal striped jumper! The Nurse threw her hands up in the air & said I must be joking!

"No, l want to look perfect when I leave here!" 😂And l did!

Best Wishes

Mrs Nails 💅🏼

[Jenny1410 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I can only wear the prosthetic as my silicone is to heavy and don't do bras my arm still don't reach to do it up my right arm is a size bigger than the left so tops are too tight so just wearing slevless vest and can't wear cardigans because I over heat I don't sleep due to hot flashes but it's lovely everyone's cold and Iv got the window or door open

[Hidden in reply to Jenny1410]

Im like u re overheating. I have night sweats from my ME and ontop of that the hot flushes from tamoxifen. What are we like eh. Thankfully youve got something u can wear hope swelling goes eventually. Ive a arm impingement on my good side very painful just want to rubbed myself out and draw a new me in again. But looking to getting on with ventures new whatever they are!

[Jenny1410 in reply to Hidden]

Oh ok is it the tamoxifen that does that then I take mine in the morning I also have monthly zolodex injection for early menopose and daily headaches high by I need to get all this sorted just want to be normal

[Lorraineam in reply to Jenny1410]

I am on tamoxifen and I get warm at times. I wouldn't exactly describe it as hot flushes, just feeling too warm. It seems worse in the evening and I end up taking my cardigan off and on all evening. I take my tablet in the morning too

[Angelmummi in reply to Jenny1410]

I still have trouble with proper bras but wear a Genie bra which is soft and stretchy and you pull on not fasteners.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I dont think im going to have reconstruction i was quite ill at recovery due to my ME. Quite frightened me so will get on with what i have. I was like u had nice top and bra for coming home with and my makeup on felt better for it x

[Angelmummi in reply to Hidden]

I waited until I had my 5 year all clear before I started reconstruction. I was mentally prepared for it and that helped me cope a lot better with it. Important thing is that it is your choice if you don't want it don't have it.

[boc13 in reply to Jenny1410]

I know what you mean about expecting a "flat scar". So did I. Did expect all the skin sewed together. But I'm two year out and I don't know when it started to happen, but over time the scar will flatten....completely. And then eventually the redish color fades into you natural skin tone. I thought it was keloid that would never go away, but it does. You'll be beautiful.

[Jenny1410 in reply to boc13]

Thank you it still does that tightening thing so I guess it's still shrinking your the only person to say something patients as a lot to answer for

[Hedgesaw]

My husband is "one in a million"! He said from Day 1 of my decision to have a mastectomy that I was "more than just boobs to him and he didn't mind if I had 1, 2 or no boobs so long as I survived the cancer"! As it happened he is so squeamish about anything hospital he didn't want to be involved with the reality of surgery etc. but as I couldn't drive post op for 6 weeks he came to hospital with me for all my follow up appointments, even in to the treatment room, so just naturally saw the scarring etc. When the dressings were changed. Not so keen about the drain changing but my District Nurse came around to do that for me as I had a complicated sort of pressure drain that I could not manage on my own. He shocked me further a whole year and three days later when I had my breast reconstruction and the DIEP flap stomach wounds became infected. Once again he ended up driving me to hospital and was present during all the cleaning and debriding of the infected wounds. The smell of poorly healed flesh was disgusting but he stuck by me through it all which, in hind sight, shocked us both. He just felt the need to be with me so he gained some internal strength and got on with it. I think the answer to your question rests with your husband. He may not be interested (or very squeamish) but if you don't involve him, or at least ask how involved he wants to be, you won't know the answer to the question. Hope you can find the words to broach the subject but my husband and I are closer on an emotional basis than we ever were before my cancer diagnosis so that can only be a good thing. Take care. X

[Hidden in reply to Hedgesaw]

Hi hedgesaw what a lovely reply your husband is a true comfort to you. Im glad everything has come right for you with reconstruction etc. My husband is so supportive and loving -it was me that wasnt keen to show site. It was such a difficult time hearing i had cancer a second time and i was trying to look after my mum who has dementia 2 weeks post op so i was just an emotional wreck. I now feel its time to let him see and then i can feel more comfortable in myself and move on. Take care and thanks for replying x